Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Turning on the Girls - Cheryl Benard


A wickedly amusing novel with a feminist dystopian premise 

I will make a confession: I didn't really want to read this dystopian battle of the sexes satire where women rule the world sometime in the future after a great revolution. A future where patriarchy and testosterone male hood has been banished, stiletto heels, romantic novels and rape fantasies banned and vegetarianism is mandatory. 

Behind its innocent looking, flowery cover, the pitch sounded so blatantly feminist, it screamed “feminazi". A bit though provoking indeed but too "pro-women, anti-men" for my tastes. Yet, the preview still piqued my interest, and I thought I'd just buy it and read a bit to confirm my curiosities. Secondhand books can surprise you a lot. 

I barely got through the very first page, it was as if Cheryl Benard knew what was going through my head because it was as if she had started to talk to me. No, I'm not exaggerating or crazy, the author literally breaks into the story to do a little explaining for us. About four pages later, I actually liked her unconventional prose and silly sense of wicked humor and continued to read. Much to my delight, I must add. 

You can read the preview or an excerpt online to find out about the outlandish Orwellian plot with a feminist spin so I won't repeat it all here. I just have to say that it’s been a while since I read a radically inventive novel quite like this in the recent years. Weird sci-fi movies yes but a totalitarian gender-centric novel laced with erotica and dark humour? no. 

It wasn't just the plot that had a remarkable twist, it was also the way the story was told. It’s almost as if Cheryl Benard forgot to read the rules of storytelling and skipped her writing classes in college watching Terry Gilliam's terrific 1985 gem "Brazil" for inspiration instead. And much to the reader's joy, it works most of the time. The way she pokes fun at the differences between men and women without taking sides or condemnation is a comic relief throughout. 

As long as you don’t take this very seriously and ignore the many silly clichés and unnecessary gender arguments, the subtle humor placed throughout (like Justin sipping on a "Bloody Henry") is crafty and witty, alone makes a fun breezy read. If you thought women would make the world the better place, this bizarre novel turns this idea inside out, over its head, and still surprisingly succeeds.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

A to Z for the Politically Illiterate


Your short cut to become politically enlightened 


The German dramaturgyst Bertolt Brecht once said "The political illiterate is so stupid that he is proud and swells his chest saying that he hates politics. The imbecile doesn’t know that, from his political ignorance is born the prostitute, the abandoned child, and the worst thieves of all, the bad politician, corrupted and flunky of the national and multinational companies". 

So, with the US presidential election round the corner, here is a A to Z to help you not become one..


Abortion:
The form of birth control most deserving of federal funds. It must be spoken of only with great solemnity,but otherwise treated the same as other birth control techniques.

Authority:
The right to coerce. It is earned either by moral certainty or by polls indicating popular support by the non-voting majority.

Bipartisanship:
The next best thing to one-party rule.

Censorship:
Dissent with authorities as to which books children should be forced to read.

Condom:
Best form of birth control as it allows sex without trust or acknowledgment of mutual risks. This prevents perversion, and retards the intimacy that can lead to troublesomely atavistic nuclear families. The only drawback is that condoms are so prohibitively expensive that no one can buy their own, so they are completely unavailable unless provided by the State.

Constitution:
1. Intangible entity by which the State is able to determine intuitively what rights it will grant its subjects. Often confused with: 
2. Actual, largely static document which purports to dictate the "proper" way to conduct matters of State.Written in such opaquely complex phraseology that only twelve living people can interpret it, it is often taken literally by ultra-right-wing arch-conservative reactionaries.See Gridlock

Compassion:
1.Political strategy of buying votes and loyalty by redistributing the confiscated property of scape goats.
2.(Archaic) Spontaneous concern for the well being of an individual, on the part of a human being.

Cruelty:
Treating animals differently than humans.

Education:
Means by which the State empowers female children and curbs the destructive phalocentric tendencies of males. This is especially important in a democracy, to insure that the electorate votes properly.

Ethics:
1.Opposite of morality (basis in self-esteem rather than humility).
2. Unwritten law by which intellectuals govern their behavior. Ethics vary according to group allegiance, but can always be determined by graduates of ethics courses.

Fanaticism:
Unnecessary philosophical consistency (with rabid stupidity and sheer hypocrisy)

God: 
1. Synonym for the State.
2. Ringleader of global reactionary phalocentric fanatic movement, and purveyor of the only pornography so vile the State must protect people from it. 
3. Sometimes useful word if used in a meaningless context.

Gridlock:
System of checks and balances instated by vaginaless caucasians to impede progress. See Constitution

Hypocrite:
1. Anyone who participates in something they claim to be opposed to. For instance: someone who says they don't like feces, and is later caught defecating.
2. Any fanatical practitioner of religion. See Fanaticism

Judgmental:
Any criticism from a member of a group known to be composed of bigoted worthless hypocrites

Morality:
Lowbrow populist substitute for ethics. Requires less education, but more religious training, often of an unsavory Judeo-Christian variety. See Judgemental

Mother:
1.Synonym for the State. 
2.A voter obsessed with the soccer matches of non-taxpayers. See Woman

Murder:
The act of killing a warm-blooded organism that is able to scream. Illegal in some states without a note from a physician.

Patriot:
One who is grateful to the government for providing a free education

Perversion: 
Sexual acts in which the partners; 
1. Trust one another more than the State,
2. Allow a chance for pregnancy to occur, 
3. Bring a penis into direct contact with a vagina, 
4. Have anything in mind other than physical pleasure.

Pregnancy:
Biological imperialism.

Prejudice:
Belief in stereotypes that are not sanctioned by authorities.

Republican:
1. Member of a small minority of extremely wealthy bunny-stompers. 
2. Member of a large majority of xenophobic, carnivorous, ignorant, trailer park dwelling Garth Brooks fans.

Society: 
1. Synonym for the State. 
2. Total set of causes for all negative behaviors in individuals. Must be eliminated.

Village: 
Synonym for the State.

Woman:
1. Crypto-feminist. 
2. Voter so receptive to education that her support can be counted on, even if you drop your pants and say "Kiss it". 
3. Breeder. 
4. A type of voter best appealed to by fear and compassion. 
5. Gynaecologicaly- endowed- american.

Y:
A chromosome that must be apologized for when it appears in conjunction with heterosexuality and melanin-deficiency.

Zoo:
Concentration camp for quadruped-americans.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Horror Flashback - The Fun Side of Fear


Reminiscing Comic Horror Cinema, from the Laughable to the Humorous 

When I was a youngster, and by this I mean much younger than today, for I am by no means entirely beyond the folly of youth, that is idealism -- I overheard someone, probably even a someone I knew well and respected, comment about how fun it is to go to a scary movie. Well, needless to say, that seemed a bit odd, even perverse. But as hope I have made perfectly clear in my opening sentence, I was quite young. Probably still an infant. Probably. Hardly matters these days, for I've heard the expression far to many times to count in a single sitting. Never really had a penchant for counting that high, anyhow. Patience is most likely the problem there. Patience has always been a problem of mine. So I hope no one is going to force me to go into detail about the extent to which I have been assaulted by that particular phrase about which I have so far concentrated my energies. BUT: 

I do know one thing. Being scared is not fun. There is not a single person I know who has ever laughed about how dang funny it was at that moment when he or she was sure death was unavoidable. Oh, yeah, the time the Miller kid pissed his pants 'cause he was sure there was a ghost behind the tree... folks laugh at that crap all the time. But it is hardly real horror, and I doubt the Miller kid ever really thought it was funny. 

And that brings us to the topic of movies. Where did this 'fun being scared' thing get started. Certainly not with "Psycho (1960)" Although there are plenty of funny moments in that film, I have read too many accounts of early viewings to believe people went to see it for kicks. Besides, my mother still has trouble taking a shower while weird violin music is playing. So the phenomenon must have had earlier roots. (I know this also because of my mom, for she told me about how her friends used to amuse themselves with 'horror' films as kids.)

Now, I feel I must assure you, dear reader, that I have indeed done my homework on this matter. Very quickly in life did I take up the advice found in, "there's nothing like a good scare." And once VCR's became widely available, I availed myself of all the more filmic atrocities. Cinematic horrors, if you will. And I finally, one winter night, realized what the trouble was. And fortunately, in the last few years and especially the coming few, the problem appears to be on the verge of elimination. So, what is the problem? Actually, it is compound. 

First, there was the audience. Then there were the producers. And lastly, there were the writers, actors, and directors, etc. It's hard to fault this last group, however, as it is so difficult to find work in Hollywood. Especially if you aren't particularly good (or too good, as the case has frequently been). The producers were only doing what was profitable. So I guess that the blame appears to fall solely upon the audience. Blame, that is, for the ultimate problem. It is a problem from which audiences and filmmakers alike have suffered from since at least the early thirties (arguments have been made that pre-date film, I must add, and as such my time approximation is thoroughly arbitrary). And this problem has many names, not the least of which are "Stupidity" and "Bad Film making." 

For purposes of clarification, I would like it known that I do not believe either of these things necessarily makes a film a waste of time. Sometimes a dash of stupidity or technical ineptitude is the saving grace of a film. Take, for instance, the self-proclaimed "horror classic" known as "The Little Shop of Horrors (1960)." Shot in about two days from something less than a script, it is brilliant in its stupidity and spontaneity, and holds a certain appeal that the high gloss musical version could never touch. But of course, Roger Corman was good at that sort of thing. However, "The Little Shop of Horrors" is not at all scary. Not even the acting has sent too many people running. But I must get back to the problem before I digress so far as to forget entirely about mentioning the good news. 

Quite simply, it really was not a whole lot of fun being scared. At least not as far as I can tell. The fun part might come afterwards, in the comforting stages ["Honey, I'd better stay with you tonight so you don't have nightmares"], but that would be the fun AFTER and not the fun OF. And I do not believe being frightened will EVER be particularly enjoyable, at least in the pure sense. Interesting, perhaps, under the right circumstances. But maybe I should mention what is not frightening, just to be sure there is no confusion. Roller coasters are not frightening. At least to the people who ENJOY riding on them. This is because of the (sometimes erroneous) assumption that they are safe. Movies are not frightening, unless the viewer has a problem differentiating realities. For the purposes at hand, we will assume that this problem is too tiny to address. I realize my ethnocentric assumption may upset some people, but please bear with me, as I am only trying to appeal to those already involved in the situation. 

{Naturally, people have been frightened by certain films they have seen from time to time. This must be attributed to a perceived element of reality in such films and would vary on a personal basis. Often this is a psychological reality, as in "Psycho," or a photographic reality as in some documentaries, though reactions to these usually can be categorized under repulsion rather than fear. And, anyway, the claim is not then made that, boy, were they fun.} 

It is time to confess something. I do enjoy a good scare. I love horror films. But I am never truly frightened by them. It is a sort of vicarious fear, really. A sick, voyeuristic thing. So, what is the fun of going to a horror film? Certainly not the fear. Yes, a great plot with tight suspense and a lot of psychosis can be intriguing and keep viewers on the edge of their seats in fascination. But fun is a laughter kind of thing. Fun is comic and light. A really good horror film is rarely comic and light. In fact, even the bad ones are traditionally dark, but that tends to be due to a lack of exposure. And that last sentence gives it all away, almost. Put simply, people used to go, and still often do, to see movies and laugh at them. That is the real problem I was getting at earlier (and it seemed I had forgotten about). There is a big difference between laughing at and laughing with, one I do not feel needs explaining. In fact, people used to go in amazing numbers to see incredibly horrendous pictures. And this only intensified the problem. 

Yet, if it were not for the problem, there could be no solution. That solution is the 'horror comedy.' Certainly, it can be argued that the horror comedy has been around as a genre since "Abbot and Costello Meet the Wolfman," or whatever it was called. But the problem was that these low budget flicks were, with the rare exception, just as bad as the films they were supposed to be having fun with. And the elements of fear were so watered down as to be non-existent. So let's leap forward through the years, shall we? 

Let's discuss the seventies. But briefly. We had such titles as "New Year's Evil (1980)" and people went to see them. Granted, it was mostly impressionable kids whose parents were not thinking clearly. But those kids have grown up as my friends, so I will try not to talk too harshly about them. The point, there, was that the laughter came from the stupidity of both film and viewer (it varied). Plot and character were virtually thrown to the wind by the end of the decade. Kids mistakenly thought they were having fun watching their would be contemporaries become shish-kabob, but found they were laughing at the inanities of the situations. A whole new set of rules evolved, where the moment a girl revealed her breasts, she got knifed. This was not a healthy sort of thing, and a perverse fascination drew viewers to these films (more perverse than I, let me assure you). It was not a sense of 'fun,' at least not in the socially acceptable sense. 

The eighties brought us sequels upon sequels of bloody bodies, slightly toning down the sexual implications while increasing the gore. But in general, any 'fun' was due to the ineffectiveness of the filmmakers. For I will say it again, a good horror film is NOT fun. If it is, something is wrong, most likely with the viewer, and a shrink should be involved. And yet, it appeared that this may not be entirely true. That, maybe, a good horror film could be amusing, make one laugh... But that was a confusion dealing with irony and satire. For, yes, a man named George Romero had done an experiment with a couple of films done many years apart, yet continuing the same story. The first failed to start an intelligent trend in the late sixties, it was "Night of the Living Dead (1968)," and it was very, very amusing, as well as appearing to be a decent horror film. The trick here was satire, as opposed to comedy. Unfortunately, few people were able to catch onto this right away. The second film, "Dawn of the Dead (1978)," was much more horrifying, and still satiric. It was also very dark in nature, and not particularly easy to laugh at. The third, "Day of the Dead (1985)," was even darker and more serious. But the point was that elements of humor could successfully be injected into horror films without ruining their effectiveness. 

Now it is not uncommon for comic relief to take up a good deal of time in most horror films, especially those aimed at the pop audience. Freddy Krueger has more witty one-liners than you can shake a stick at, now doesn't he. But, before I go off track again, this is the time to reintroduce the genre of horror-comedy. 

Because of the increased use of comedy in horror films, and the infrequency with which it worked, it became something of an art form to pull it off. Also, there was an ever-growing awareness of the bad stuff that had gone before. Call it camp or call it crap, the fact is it had a following. Little can touch, however, the likes of "Orgy of the Damned" for shear boring stupidity, and there is a line to be drawn before offering too much nostalgic reverence in its direction. So there were bad bad films and there were good bad films. The problem was often telling them apart. Be that as it may, some success has been made in that matter, and the horror comedy is often a self-conscious acknowledgement of that fact. Fortunately, it has also become something more in recent years, no longer relying on mistakes of past history for their humor, many horror-comedies today are as fresh and original as anything coming out of Hollywood [read that as you may]. 

"House" was fairly effective in offering humor alongside comedy. However, Sean Cunningham's efforts left the direction (by Steve Miner) a little too far on the comedy side to be fully effective as a horror-comedy, for this genre relies very much on a balance of power. Meanwhile, his former partner, Wes Craven, was still leaning very much on the horror side of things, with his films (as good as they may have been) being not very good natured at all, even with Freddy's previously mentioned quick wit. 

About 1985, however, things took a permanent change. A man named Stuart Gordon moved out to L.A. from Chicago to direct movies, helped by his friend, Brian Yuzna. The two of them made "Re-Animator (1985)" which was both funny and intelligent while going over the top with its elements of horror. Not long after (early 1987), Sam Raimi directed a remake of his film, "Evil Dead 2 (1987)," calling it a sequel, and adding intensely to the plot and action. (Technically, it is the next day, but the entire first film is capsulated in the beginning of the second one, leaving out surprisingly little.) This second film, however, is at once a superb comedy (if you prefer slapstick to the subtle) and a daring bit of horror. With it, a revolution had been completed. 

Unfortunately, it seemed as though these two early successes could not be topped. Things relaxed back into horror films with wit or comic relief thrown in frequently. But the fun had once again faded in a sad way. Some exceptional horror films were released, but nothing to really have fun with. That trend, however, was about to change again. 

Very soon, theaters were playing a couple of films by Brian Yuzna. "Society (1989)," which is more satire than anything else, perhaps the most effective use of the horror-comedy, mixes gruesome effects with a pervading, surreal sense of humor. It tends toward biting at times, but in general retains less acidity than sense of fun. Unfortunately, this was one of those quick to video releases, where it found a sizable, and deserved audience. 

Considerably more anticipated was Yuzna's "Bride of Re-Animator (1989)," with a hell of a lot more laughs as well as a sizable dose of violence and gore. (Somehow, though, it still almost comes close to coming off nearly as a sort of a family film. But no.) Both of these films have nasty special effects and a bit of nudity and fowl language, all jumbled together for that nifty R-rating. But there is still something in both of them that appeals to the child inside. And along the way, a message even manages to squeak through, something that rarely occurs in most straight horror films. (The main objective here is not body count, but quality of entertainment, even if it is a little sick.) 

Anyway, the point is this: just as I thought we were all doomed to a sea of mediocrity, along comes the rebirth of a fairly new genre that had all but faded in the few years since it was put into any serious practice, and it sticks itself in my face. Now I'm sticking it in yours. It is time to really have fun at the horror movies now, my friends. The trend has moved from laughable to humorous, and even tacked on intelligence along the way. Jeffrey Poehlmann

This blogpost was adapted from a work-in-progress originally conceived for a now-defunct newspaper serving the Los Angeles community in the 90s called "What's Up LA" for which Mr. Poehlmann was the original editor of the Film section. 



Friday, August 15, 2014

The President's Analyst (1967)


A underrated lampoon that was ahead of its time

Has anyone else ever heard of this satirical cult gem? Long before Watergate shook Hollywood out of its government-is-your-friend fantasy-world, The President's Analyst directed by Theodore J. Flicker and starring James Coburn, entertained the preposterous notion that an American secret agent could assassinate one of his own countrymen, and this amusing movie is bold enough to play this cynical scenario for laughs. Move over The Parallax View and Capricorn One, here comes the real deal. 

Though positioned as a comic thriller, it's kind of stupid for a lot of reasons and commercially bombed but it was also ahead of its time. The plot has sci-fi overtones with James Coburn playing Dr. Sidney Schaefer, psychiatrist who is hired by the United States Government as the President’s ultra top secret personal psychoanalyst. After the initial euphoria of working for the worlds most important man, the stress of the job creeps in setting the stage of his descent into paranoia and suspicion. Instead of the normal thrills we would expect, this movie instead takes on the humor tinged, spoof track! Watch for the scene when James Coburn spins around looking for imaginary pursuers while a female chorus line imitates a theremin on the soundtrack ; I was on the floor! 

Funny as this movie is, it plays into your dark fear that the Canadians are up to no good. Here they are right next door to the most powerful country in the world -the U.S. of A., is who I mean -- and you're going to tell me all they're worried about is keeping warm? There's no way they don't want a piece of the American pie, and in our false sense of security we probably aren't even monitoring our Northern border so that when the million-some-odd mounties that have been massing there flow into our motherland we'll be taken completely by surprise and helpless to stop them. I've kept this fear secret lest people think I'm crazy. But lo and behold, The President's Analyst features a militant, gun-toting, anti-American Canadian agent. It's the only movie I've ever seen that does and the music scored by Lalo Schifrin rightly amplifies the paranoia.

Monday, September 2, 2013

Happy Labor Day!



Saturday, August 17, 2013

So, How much are you REALLY Worth?


Its (a thousand or) a million dollar question?

This a way off topic but I was asked exactly this a few days ago. Its a million dollar question..okay, a few thousand dollars question? Do YOU really know your NET WORTH? Are you the picture of financial health? Do you REALLY KNOW?

You won't know the answer to that question until you take your 'Financial Snapshot' - of your financial situation, that is. In the financial world, that "financial snapshot" is known as your net worth. It's arrived at by adding the value of everything you own, then subtracting what you owe (or in accounting terms, assets minus liabilities). When you look at the bottom line, you'll quickly see whether you're financially sound. If your net worth is a big, fat positive number, chances are you're in good shape. But if the figure you come up with is barely on the positive side of the ledger - or worse, has a minus sign in front of it - you've got some work ahead of you. 

Its easy! To put together your personal financial snapshot, use a sheet of paper or appropriate computer software and follow these steps: 

First, find your most recent statements for mortgages, credit cards, bank loans, investments and any other assets or liabilities. In one column, list the current market values of all the big ticket liquid items you own - including your house, car, vacation property, furniture, art and collectibles, fine jewelry, and other valuables. Be careful not to overestimate their value. It might make you feel better, but will lead to a less-than-accurate assessment of your finances. Don't bother with small items, since they are usually difficult to convert to cash and are often of little value. 

In the same column, list the cash values of your investments - include bank accounts, stocks, bonds, mutual funds, guaranteed investment certificates, employee shareholder plans, deferred profit sharing plans, real estate investments (apart from your home) and other holdings. Don't forget to include investments held inside your registered retirement savings plan. 

In another column, list all your liabilities - include debts such as mortgages, car and other personal loans, lines of credit, credit card balances, income taxes owing (including future taxes such as those on RRSPs upon death) and other outstanding bills. Add up both columns individually to come up with your total assets and total liabilities. Finally, subtract your liabilities from your assets. The result is your net worth. 

You and your spouse (if you one) can calculate your individual net worth separately, but it is better to view your assets and liabilities together, since this will provide a more accurate picture of your family finances. You may be surprised to discover that you're worth more than you thought. On the other hand, some people will find just the opposite - that if they converted their assets to cash and paid off all debts there would be little or nothing left over. But that's not necessarily a reason to despair. For example, if you're young your net worth may be lower because you've had less time to accumulate assets. You may even have a large mortgage. As you move on in life, however, your wealth should grow. 

There is no hard and fast rule as to what constitutes "acceptable" net worth. The best way to determine whether you're on track is to consult with your financial advisor. He or she can make a quick assessment, and show you how to fine tune your finances if necessary. Now, thank the Websnacker for this handy guide!!

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Happy Fathers Day





Thursday, June 6, 2013

Independence Day (1996)


Not your usual movie review


With Independence Day 2 reportedly in the making, here's a fun review of the 90s Pseudo-Action Sci-fi adventure. (The original review is here.)

Starring - Millions of dollars of special effects that still manage to look like sets Mickey Rooney & Judy Garland built in the barn!

Meet: super anonymous pentagonians spewing pseudo military mumbo jumbo and the cute looking brylcreem president Bill Pullman - he's an ace pilot, he's the no-nonsense president and he's a darn good father, too! all-in-one guy!

Meet: The generic gay guy, Harvey Feinstein doing generic gay business. "Oooh! I'd better call my mother!" The generic old Jew, Judd Hirsh. He stoops, he complains, his every word a sarcastic quip. 

Meet: The Movie! A war movie, an alien movie, a love story! what a deal! all-in-one all inclusive package.

Just listen to this minimalist dialogue that is the great empowering and heart-warming lesson of this film: HEY! We could all write this! 

1. "Get me the secretary of defense!" (significant pause) "THEN WAKE HIM!!" 
2. "Address the nation. There's gonna be a lot of frightened people out there." "Yeah, I'm one of 'em."
3. "You think we'll get to Washington and they'll be there?" (Poignant look) Jeff Goldblum opens the computer, "yap!,yap!,yap!," closes the computer, draws little circles all over the president's letterhead, opens the computer AGAIN, whirls it around... AND THE CLOCK IS TICKING!!!!!! A CLOCK! THAT'S IT! WE'RE DOOOOOOMED!!! 

MORE WITTY DIALOGUE! "And then what?" "Check mate." "OH MY GOD!!" OH MY GOD IS RIGHT! The Shadow: Surprised looks (Ooh! It's big!) from the Hollywood Sign to the White House lawn to Central Park.


The Aliens: They've got an infinitely superior technology but no Virus Scanners. Doh! See the president outrun a fire ball and Will Smith's chick Vivica Fox : the only person in LA clever enough to find a cubby hole of safety. Rats can do it but, apparently, Americans cannot. 

'Terrible movie but entertaining anyway.' Put Will Smith and an Alien in a wave-making, sex pool scene and maybe we'd do the same. It's July 4th and all's well in the world. With a wisecracking, alien-punching Military, Celebrate your Independence!

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Whither May Day



Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Seven Psychopaths (2012)


JohnnyTwoToes loves this witty British Black Comedy!


First off let us not get confused like I almost did. I watched Seven Psychopaths MICHAEL McDONAGH's second feature length big time film since the odd but entertaining In Bruges (2008). This is NOT the same JOHN Michael McDonagh that recently directed the fantastic The Guard (2011) with Brendon Gleeson

I almost made the mistake of thinking both the McDonagh's was one and the same person and he had dropped his first name when he became a little more famous. "Since it is John he had better not," I mused. 

Having relieved my self of that error let me just say there are two McDonagh's and they are indeed brothers. Both are very gifted in writing and directing. Hopefully we will see more of their work in the future. Martin McDonagh's Seven Psychopaths is an eccentric and very dryly humorous film that tells the story of a screenwriter (Colin Farrell) who is a heavy drinker and in the middle of writers block. His new script for a project aptly titled Seven Psychopaths seems to have come out of the gates with nowhere to run. 

His friends, Hans (Christopher Walken) and Billy(Sam Rockwell) have a little side business where they kidnap peoples dogs, keep them until they see a sizable reward for the lost canines and return them for the reward. Pretty neat, huh? I guess in L.A. you can make a living doing just about ANYTHING. 

When the two kidnap a Shih Tzu that just so happens to belong to Charlie (Woody Harrelson), a local but powerful gangster. There is a sweet subplot about Hans wife who is in the hospital with cancer and it is subtly and quietly handled when Hans and Myra (Lind Bright Clay) are on screen. They talk to each other like married people would talk to but the scenes are not forced and the writing is not heavy handed. Less is more in scenes like this and Martin McDonagh writes it very well. 

The rest of the cast is phenomenal  as well. Sam Rockwell (one of my favorites) could pick up just about any film and carry it to the finish line (the exception is Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (2005). But NOBODY could have saved that piece of crap). Rockwell and Walken are hilarious as they play off of each other and Colin Farrell shows he has some comic timing and garners some chuckles, too. Harrelson is always solid and his Charley is a vicious hood but still loves his doggy. 

Seven Psychopaths is not a slapstick comedy so don't think you are watch a guy fall down a flight of stairs into some paint. It is a complex comedy, with an interesting array of characters and they are interwoven into an interesting and eclectic story. Martin McDonagh has an eye and an ear for dialogue. He knows how people act with one another and how they can react to one another, too. I dare say he is Tarantinoish in how he creates dialogue. 

All said and done, Seven Psychopaths is not for everyone, but if you enjoyed In Bruges (also with Colin Farrell) and The Guard then Seven Psychopaths is just right for you. Seven Psychopaths ***1/2 out of 4

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV (2000)


Hilariously bizarre 4th sequel to the 80s Cult Hit  


Nobody makes disgusting, lowbrow, depraved films devoid of any form of redeeming value better than Lloyd Kaufman and the folks at Troma Entertainment and that's what makes them so fun. Kaufman's fourth installment in the adventures of the Toxic Avenger, the cult campy classic from the 1980s is an unashamed, downward spiral into a cesspool of severed limbs and toilet humor with myriad political, cultural and societal references thrown in for added pleasure.

The difference between this low budget gem of a flick and other gross-out fare (including from the B-movie specialists at Troma) is that Citizen Toxie has a take-no-prisoners attitude with enough social commentary. There is something to offend everybody in this edition and I do mean everybody. 

This time around, our beloved Toxie finds himself replacing his evil counterpart - the Noxious Offender aka Noxie in an alternate time warped universe - Amortville (Troma in reverse), where corrupt politicians, crooked cops and evil drug dealers reign supreme - sort of like the present day United States on steroids. 

I want say more but Citizen Toxie is the best Toxic Avenger film since the ground-breaking cult original that was released in 1985 (it's also one of Troma's best). Watch out for Ron Jeremy, B-movie queen Debbie Rochon and fun cameos by Corey Feldman, Hugh Hefner, Al Goldstein, Eli Roth,  Julie Strain, the director himself - Lloyd Kaufman and others. A bizarre superhero movie of the cult kind to end 2012! 

Free Video Link - Streaming and Download - VeeHD

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Theatre Pirate


What an anonymous blog reader sent in the email today!! 

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

A Piece of Ass for Thanksgiving !



Saturday, November 10, 2012

How were you Born ?


I was certainly born to Boogie!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Repossessed (1990)


An exclusive review from Zombie Actor John Migliore's book 'Cinema Parodyso'

Repossessed is not a sequel to The Exorcist. Who ever said that it was one? Repossessed is a comedy, not a horror flick... right? There's just one little snag in that kind of logic. There are so many similarities between the two movies that Repossessed invites a great deal of comparison to the classic film it is mimicking. At times, the producers of Repossessed seem intent on making a remake of The Exorcist (albeit a comedic one). 

The final result is a film that is neither entirely funny nor the least bit scary. Veteran funnyman, Leslie Nielsen stars as Father Jedediah Mayii, a retired exorcist with a bum ticker. Unfortunately, Nielsen just seems to be going through the motions in this horrific parody. He's done films like this before (Airplane!, The Naked Gun!), but doesn't seem particularly inspired by the material this time around. On the other hand, the movie wouldn't be half as funny without him. 

The real surprise performance comes from Linda Blair who plays Nancy Aglet, the repossessed victim. Blair starred in the first two Exorcist films and was successful in shocking audiences both times around. In Repossessed, she lampoons her previous role with comedic timing and flawless insight. She is able to make her character seem both comical and charming at the same time. 

So where did it all go wrong? Well, I'm not so sure that organized religion is really all that funny. Repossessed takes a cavalier attitude toward its subject matter, which might offend some non-secular people. Don't get me wrong, this movie doesn't have a political agenda, but some people may have trouble seeing the humor in a few of the situations. 

Repossessed does have one saving grace (Get it? I still got it!) and that would be its constant bombardment of jokes and gags. It's hard to be offended when the producers pack a large number of potential laughs into each and every scene. Some of them fall short... some of them are total groaners... but enough of them hit the mark to make this an enjoyable movie. May the Faith be with you! 

Free Video - Stream or Download - Stagevu

Monday, August 13, 2012

Sacredly Unholy


Can we cross the Sacred line ?

Let’s have a sacred discussion. Is anything sacred and too holy? Should anything be sacred at all? On one hand, there seems to be certain things that should reasonably deemed sacred simply because it would be in bad unholy taste otherwise. 

Take for instance, our regular concept of Hell. Instead of strictly adhering to the usual biblical spin, let’s consider a new perspective. I am not talking about Hell in the religious sense of being Satan’s playground nor as the proverbial tool of manipulating the gullible masses either. I am proposing something else. 

Imagine Hell as a separate dimension – a different plane of existence of pure chaos - very much like what you might have seen in years ago in Paul W.S. Anderson's sci-fi flick - Event Horizon (1997). Anything that resembles Order in any way would be grossly mocked and inconceivably tortured. Things would include the human soul or anything that is not pure chaos. 

Let’s face it, the mind functions on electro-chemical energy. Emotions, love, hate and all other feelings are all chemical reactions of the brain's response. Change the environment and the mind produces bizarre and ultimately nightmarish realities. Why just consider Hell? If there indeed is an afterlife. This would be the worst possible scenario. 

So, does holding on to sacred beliefs - whole portions of our concepts of reality as untouchable - really safe for logical reasoning? Don't call me an atheist but shouldn't even the most sacred beliefs be unlatched from our firm grip and spread out for intense scrutiny? If so, if indeed doing this is more beneficial, then what is the point of holding things sacred and why do we keep doing it? 

Many will say it all depends on what our goal is. If it is to seek knowledge, then unlatching sacred beliefs for scrutiny is absolutely necessary. However if we wish to merely hold onto those sacred beliefs for the sake of false gods, insecurity, hypocrisy and intellectual dishonesty... then well, then perhaps holding onto sacred things is necessary... its up to you.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Paris to the Moon - Adam Gopnik


Reading Adam Gopnik's Enjoyable Love and Hate Parisian Memoirs 

I've been reading, really I have! However, much of 2012 so far found me starting new books, putting them down, starting other books. I just couldn't commit! I needed real hard literary counseling! But July is here, and I feel I am on the road to recovery. Here's one of the 3 books I started and finished recently, much to my delight considering all the three are NOT my usual type! 

The book in question here is American writer Adam Gopnik’s Paris to the Moon. If we are to believe everything he says, Adam seems to have suffered the great calamity of living in Paris for five long years while writing "The Paris Journals" for the New Yorker magazine. My heart goes out to him, the poor man. 

Paris to the Moon is a compilation of wry essays that describe his misfortunes, along with previously unpublished journal entries which are equally sarcastic in style and tone. Gopnik seems to love Paris but he discusses and dissects French life and culture like no other - with plenty of self-deprecating wit, and he is perhaps at his best when describing the many differences between his Parisian existence and the good life he left behind in New York City. 

Everyday life in the French capital seems to have been troublesome. Gopnik faces minor inconveniences, like trying to purchase a Thanksgiving turkey during a general strike and figuring out the inexplicable construction of French Christmas tree lights, as well as more knotty troubles, like how to get a taxi when his wife is in labor (French taxi drivers it seems are reluctant to offer rides to very pregnant women but I disagree). Along with his wife, Gopnik's young son Luke came along for the adventure, and his impressions and preferences, including a taste for imported Barney tapes and his special soft spot for a female Parisian classmate, add an engaging allure to this thoroughly pleasant book. Though dated by over 12 years, read this bestseller if you want to see a distinctly different perspective of Paris that you may perhaps never read in any travel book.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Out Of Towners (1970)


Hilarious Neil Simon / Jack Lemmon NY Comedy from the 70s

Not the 1999 remake starring Goldie Hawn and Steve Martin but the original directed by Arthur Hiller (Love Story, Outrageous Fortune) and scripted by the Broadway guy Neil Simon (Lost in Yonkers).

In any case, the Out-Of-Towners is possibly the funniest movie ever made about a sanitation strike in a city or this is a lame NY comedy you’ll hate. Besides, has there ever been a Neil Simon movie set in New York without someone getting mugged at Central Park? It exactly depends on which side you are?

Jack Lemmon and Sandy Dennis are a unlucky Midwestern couple (George & Gwen Kellerman) who suffer through a night of every plausible Big Apple humiliation and go home with their tails between their legs. Good riddance! This city's tough enough without an extra pair of Simon characters whining in self-pity and issuing a non-stop stream of stale wisecracks. Watch out for comic cameos from ace comedians of that era like Paul Dooley, Ann Prentiss, Anthony Holland, Sandy Baron and Anne Meara.

Yet, the Out-Of-Towners is personally notable because it brought back some best moments of my life. College, is what I mean, when like the feckless couple from Ohio who fly to Manhattan for a job interview - I was prone to sleepless nights during my job hunts immediately after college. Not because of culture shock (well, at least not on the surface) but usually because I'd had too much on my mind, too many expectations and too many people around.

Another reason some may like the Out-Of-Towners is Sandy Dennis’ strong support and Jack Lemmon's witty performance. For a large part of the film, he has to whistle all his S's because he's chipped a tooth on the prize in the Cracker Jack box. I wonder if his understudy had to keep reminding him about it.

Almost as good as Richard Dreyfuss' sashaying, queeny King Lear in The Goodbye Girl. Must be a trademark Neil Simon thing, he seems to hold the limbo bar pretty low for his leading stars. Anyways, lets thank Neil Simon for making us laugh about violent crime... again. Neil Simon incidentally received the Writers Guild of America award for the screenplay. For me, it was a good watch though!

Free Streaming/Movie Download - Video Link: VeeHD

Friday, June 8, 2012

Fear Factor for Today's World



A special thanks to Mikeala B. Reid, a freelance political cartoonist and illustrator whose work has appeared in the Los Angeles Times, The Guardian, Boston Phoenix, Bay Windows, Metro Times, The Rochester Insider, Women's eNews, In These Times, Ms., The Funny Times, Campus Progress, Girlfriends, The Minnesota Women's Press, and other assorted fine publications.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Nordic Wake Party Lingo


Learning Words of Sorrow and Solace 

At college, I was friends with an oddball ‘beer addicted’ trio who were crazy about everything and anything Nordic - Norway especially. They frequently spoke Norwegian, loved Norwegian movies, Norwegian bands and even Norwegian beer - Ringnes!! In fact, during the summer, they went on a 30 day backpacking trip across the Norway, Denmark, Finland, Iceland and Sweden. 

Their rented house was also called the Norse House. They claimed, it was "devoted" to the culture and lifestyle of the Nordic countries. When someone sent them an email that King Harald V of Norway died, they wanted to hold a wake party. They were too sloshed to even realize that it was a joke!! (By the way, Harald V still lives).

The joke notwithstanding, the Wake party was too good an idea so they wanted to do it anyway! It was decided that the people attending the party should express their grief and console other mourners in Norwegian. However, very few people at the party (in fact, none) would be able to speak Norwegian. neither do I. 

Crazy as it sound, I was hooked though. So, I went home, I went home, locked myself in my room, switched the net and emerged 3 hours hour later with the Norwegian Terms of Sorrow and Solace – a sample of which you see below that came quite handy at the Wake party!! 

Words for Sorrow and Grief 

Jeg er bedrøvet. 
I am sad. 

Jeg stal har dø. 
I should have died. 

Vi gikk å se "Min Liv Som Et Hund." 
Let's go see "My Life as a Dog." 

Mit bekken banket. 
My pelvis is throbbing. 

Min magesekk har stukket mod en Skjødpersons spyd. 
My stomach has been stabbed with a Laplander's spear. 

Words for Solace and Consolation

Jeg smører min sko. 
I am greasing my shoes. 

NÂ det omveltnig begînte! 
Now the revolution begins! 

Det Svenske som suge mose gjøret det!
The scum-sucking Swedes did it! 

Ham var et adelig mann. Ham manget å tilføyelse Island. 
He was a noble man. He wanted to annex Iceland. 

Du er aller tiltrekkende. Behage trøst meg. 
You are very attractive. Please comfort me. 

Learn them by heart, and you will never again feel at a loss when you are at a crazy Norwegian wake party, or in Norway or need to express your sadness or comfort an other Norwegian.
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