Searching for Satisfaction

Sometimes, Life is all about a fresh perspective

We all reach points in our lives where we find that we are seemingly no longer satisfied with what we have; we feel something is either lacking or something needs to much more in our lives. It’s a frustrating period. This can happen anywhere, anytime, at any period of your life but mostly seems to appear after we have crossed our first 25 years of existence. Suddenly or gradually, there is something significantly missing - in your job, in your career, and of course, in your marriage and in your relationships, particularly if it’s a long-term one. 

For the person who suddenly finds himself or herself in this peculiar dilemma and who is no longer content and satisfied with what he or she already has - the struggle to find happiness, to "find oneself" again, is often filled with emotional upheaval along a treacherous tumultuous road of self-loathing, discovery, acceptance and pain. 

I have been there or maybe I am still there – stuck in the perpetual feeling of being at the crossroads of life and not knowing which road to take or not take any road at all. Self-help books, motivational coaches, psychiatrists, psychologists, and new-age gurus don’t really help either, they simply amplify your state of limbo and very rarely cure you. After all, it’s in their vested interest that you remain uncertain about your future and buy their bestsellers and watch their sermons. 

So, after wasting a lot of money besides costly trials and errors, I accidentally re-discovered a simple childhood exercise that I practice most nights now, usually when I go to bed before I sleep. All I do is listen to music on my earphones, close my eyes and concentrate on the real me and the people or things that matter to me now. It’s focusing on the true "spirit" of what I am all about and every other thought or emotion is set to rest while I just relax. 

If you do this often enough, you will be surprised at how intimately you get to know yourself. Some of those heavy, philosophical, emotional or silly, irrational questions that you are always beating yourself up with, quietly dissolve into nothingness. and you’ll soon see them for what they are, just thoughts. Unnecessary thoughts we have cultivated and cultured, and nurtured, and jealously guarded throughout the moments, days or even years of our busy lives - until we are lost in them and trick ourselves into thinking they are a reality. They are nothing. They are bubbles on the face of the turbulent sea. They are not real. 

So, what is it we "want?" We all want to be loved. We all want to have passion, satisfaction, and pleasure in our lives. But if we waste our time searching for whatever it is we think we have to have in order to be happy, or passionate, or pleasurable, or satisfied; we will always be forever lost, living an unhappy complicated life. 

The problem with wanting something is that we are instantly limiting our choices, our chances at pleasure and happiness. Suddenly, we cannot be happy because we don't have "this" or "that." Or we are thinking too much, too often about the future and not relishing the moment. What a waste isn’t it? Not appreciating the real beauty of today for an uncertain wish of tomorrow. 

What if we just decided to "be" happy, or passionate, or pleasurable - without depending on "something" to get us there? Can we do that? Of course, we can. If we just let go of what we "want" - then the whole universe is open to us. It's like suddenly losing your job or just seeing your current job with a fresh perspective and realizing that now you can be anything you want to be! It's like giving away all you own and then having nothing to lose. In Zen, they say, "Leap from the mountain" and you will be free...so go ahead and jump!

Romance for Dummies

There is no love, when there is no romance

I often get asked why I write about love and romance. Does it not scare me? Or am I really so desperate to be loved? The words love and romance scares many people. It’s true, and matter of fact sometimes scares me too. Often, it conjures up thoughts of having to dramatically change yourself into someone else, to metamorphose into a new being and most of all, to feel appreciated and accepted.

In reality, romance and love are merely a life enhancement, not a real change. You can love someone without romance but without romance, the love fades away. It is the art of awareness and an awakening of the importance in your life of those you love. It is a reflection of the heart, and of the mind, a way to find something meaningful through shared experiences with someone else. 

Romance is also truly the way to a person’s heart and beyond. We all want and need to feel loved. It is the core of our existence to feel that we are important to someone, that we matter. Romance is not a college course, as it requires no degree. It quite simply entails getting in touch with your own heart then touching another's. 

It has been said that if you follow your heart, you will never go wrong, but how many of us actually open that part of ourselves that is the heart? We think we do. We tell ourselves we do. But do we really? We pretend at best, bad actors doing bad acting or feel intimidated. More often, we block than open up, confuse than confide, doubt than trust and to make it worse, we fight, we battle, we go to war. 

To make romance and not war is the challenge. It’s not really a difficult path really. We can enrich the relationships we are currently in, or those of the future, by bringing into our relationships a greater awareness of what is really important, communicating with clarity and adding a little imagination in our love. Take, for instance, the word ‘romantic interlude’. It sounds mysterious, doesn’t it? The mind immediately conjures up all sorts of settings from tropical islands to medieval castles. Everything from mellow moonlit nights and sensual candlelight dinners to clandestine makeouts in the car parking. So, in essence, romance is all in the mind, and the only way to get to it is by unlocking the imagination, by opening the heart, and expressing what is inside. 

Whether you are single, engaged, in a relationship, married a short time, or a long time, romance is important to maintaining strong love and lasting robust relationship. It’s the glue that connects. The possibilities of love are endless, limited only by that willingness to follow the heart as far as it will take you. 

If today was to be your last day of life, what would you have at the top of your list of things you would miss the most? Gone would be the money and material goals, for they, like life, are short-lived. What would you want to be remembered for? The possessions you attained? The success you were in your career? Personally, I would much rather be remembered that I truly loved and was loved. This is not to say we must sacrifice one for the other. It is merely a position of the importance of the things in our lives. 

In these sad times of short-lived marriages and even shorter relationships, there is always a great deal of fear, suspicion, mistrust, and insecurities. So we must aspire a return to romance in our lives and open ourselves to romantic notions, even if we are already in love. This will help restore the value of giving that little extra to our love lives that enriches and touches deeper into our hearts and melds into our minds.

Not only will you improve the life of the one you love, but you'll also improve your own as well. By giving someone the key that opens the treasure chest of who we are and what we feel, we can create a map to that treasure, follow it, or follow your heart, for romance is merely a way of expressing love, and that is the greatest treasure of all. 

If nothing else, you’ll realize life is a wonderful journey that can be enriched through romance, love and a little imagination. So, take that moment, that chance, and explore some wonderful ways to enrich your life, and your relationship. And I hope you find a smile, an opportunity, or just a deep sigh that signals the beginning of something more. Good luck! Happy romancing! 

Hunting Treasures on the Internet Highway

Finding love in the cyber universe and other little things 

Last night, I watched the 1998 hit “You’ve Got Mail” starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks on the telly. Directed by Nora Ephron, it’s a bittersweet romantic comedy about two harried souls, who aren't aware of the fact that they already know each other on the earthly plane of the real world, but find each other in an online chat room under anonymous screen names and slowly develop a robust relationship. 

If you haven’t seen this movie yet, I won’t spoil it any more of what happens next. It’s ironic though that this sugary story of computer love that transcends into real life still resonates with relevance, even in 2019. After all, all they do is predominantly chat throughout the movie. And despite being bitter enemies in the physical world, they proceed to virtually fall in love. You might think, how? With what and with whom are they falling in love? Thoughts? Passions? Humor? Fantasies? Hope? Or the person itself? 

Like old-fashioned love letters, you’ll have to admit; an incredible thing happens when two people simply correspond in writing. The brain feels liberated, unhindered by the bodies automatic social responses that occur when people communicate face to face. There’s nothing to worry about - how you look, how your voice sounds, whether you are black or white, what gods you follow; there are no judgments and if all goes well, no inhibitions later. There is just the mind working to be understood in a pure realm of trust and communication and opening up to a receptive soul. And soon it becomes much more than just an anonymous chat. 

In the real world, when we meet someone very attractive, we are pulled to them instantly. When the physical attraction is strong, it simply overpowers and takes priority over everything else. Then, it soon fades into oblivion. Lust over reason so to speak, confused for love rather than listening, understanding and accepting. But in the virtual space, you may not fully understand the other person chatting with you but you do have to listen. And vice versa. And by actually listening, you open up to a lot of understanding and that is the wonderful beauty of this exercise.

Of course, in these days of online perverts, sly scammers and dangerous stalkers, you’ll have to be very careful who you are interacting with. And many would tell you that people lie in the online worlds. I have had to endure the concerns of those who believe I'm out of my mind or simply that they are more cautious than me. "They could be lying about who they are!" I've been told. As if to say people you meet in person never lie about who they are? Oh, here's another one, "Anyone who has to put a personal profile on the Internet must be a real loser" or “simply wants to just get laid tonight”. 

Would you call someone who can type at least 100 words a minute, has the intelligence and literal eloquence to communicate his or her innermost thoughts and feelings, and has the self-confidence, focus, and motivation to actually do it - a loser? And why go through this elaborate ritual for sex when sex is now so readily available, free and cheap. 

Well, meeting someone in the flesh can be far more deceptive and dangerous these days than getting to know someone from afar. We humans are slaves to our senses first and to our hearts second. Remove all of the armour and the sensual desires and we are left with consciousness and communication in their purest forms. 

Thus, I highly recommend the Internet for your next romantic interlude. Of course it helps to know what you are looking for ahead of time. The most important thing when looking for your soul mate is to know exactly who you are. If possible, I suggest you sit down and make a list of everything you know to be true about yourself - down to the last detail, positive and negative and everything in between. Be completely honest. Then write down every detail about the person of your dreams, but that doesn’t mean you ponder up the Dead Pool or the Wonder Woman. 

There have been periods in my life where I have thought hard about the perfect woman I wanted in my life - if at all that was possible. I had a mental image of her down to the last detail - her face, her work, her body, her personality - everything. Obviously, the conventional methods of meeting a woman held no water with me. Did I really believe that the woman of my dreams could be living in the same city I was in or somewhere far off, 1000s of miles away? 

And my online profile too had to stand out. I want the woman to think that here is a man astute enough to know that his profile is just casual enough to make him not appear needy, and just alluring enough to attract a smart woman who knows the difference, or that he is just being honest. Either way I couldn't lose, could I? I’ll be truthful, all completely legitimate notions there trying to attract the best mate possible. 

If you cross this stage, understand that the person of your dreams may still not be ready for you in your present state, especially if you have plenty of emotional baggage. So you have to be insightful and objective enough to realize that you’ll have to shed the excess kilos, be willing to wait and also find someone who is willing to take their chances with you patiently. Patience is scarce you see. 

Typically, we choose only the people we are ready to be with. Every person in our life that we chose before finding the final “Chosen One” - was there because of either unavoidable circumstances or life wanted to teach you a particular lesson at that time. Our needs and wants change. Sometimes, we want to be drowned in affection so we would choose a needy, insecure soul who would smother us with affection. Then, we may want to go to the opposite extreme, pretending we could be with someone who loved you but let you be like a free bird. 

At any given time, we all have an image in our mind of the features that we consider attractive or desirable in the person we seek. As we grow older and possibly wiser, these requirements turn to virtues and traits we pursue and it goes much more than just looks. It’s as if, we have found a new realization dawning on us. 

On the Internet, deception is possible but unnecessary and obsolete because only we know who we are and what we need. Don't be a crafty jerk. Unlike the anonymity of the "You've Got Mail" era, we now have authentic power, the power to search the cyber cosmos incognito to find what we seek so what’s the point in faking an artificial persona? After all, we are looking for love and companionship, so why fake it. 

In the end, finding someone who loves and appreciates you is no easy task on the internet but remember, you’ll be astounded at how the cyberverse can sometimes throw an irresistible surprise at you, who would blow you off your feet and turn your life upside down. And what can happen next could be an incredible exchange of deep thoughts and crazy ideas; of all your hopes and dismal fears; of incisive messages and risqué gifs; of long emails and anticipated notifications, and of course, of carnal lusts and bodily desires. In essence, an emotional outpouring of the souls between two strangers on opposite ends of the city or far corner of the planet, depending where you find your match. A friend, a lover, a mate, a spouse...only time can tell. 

So, my fellow wanderers, start your engines and drive into the vast internet highway and take your chances. And you just might find the treasure to treasure for the rest of your life. Just dont forget to wear your seatbelt though. 

Love is the Solution, Loving Yourself actually

Women, love the shit out of yourself! 

Feminism and women rights are all over the news lately. Credit Harvey Weinstein and the #MeToo movement. And it’s good. Finally, some real chatter on sexual harassment, healthy debates on gender discrimination and meaningful discussions on women empowerment but let’s face it, will it bring about real change? How long is the buzz going to last? The corporate world just sees this a good opportunity for free PR and the most of the mainstream media, shamelessly as ever, crass and voyeuristic. 

Unfortunately, expecting men to change is still a complicated work in slow progress. In my not so unpretentious opinion, I think women don’t need men to bring about this transformation. I doubt if the whole “menkind” will ever evolve to really respect womanhood. Maybe women should stop living in this vicious blame game and move on with a real new spin on the “change is good” philosophy. 

There’s always been a straightforward solution and it ain’t rocket science. Women must start loving themselves. It's really that simple. That’s the real cure. No opportunity to be used or abused! You don’t need anybody’s approval; you don’t have to ‘fit in’, simply learn to love yourself. 

If you are a woman, I know it sounds like something you'd already heard on some TV show. Now, before you twirl barefoot under falling cherry blossoms while remembering your womanly spirit, get real. Think of how many women and girls in your life who truly love themselves? Fact is, too many girls, young 20something – 30something women, and I'm sure quite a few mature women, DON'T love themselves. It is evident in their actions, the people they chose to be with, and the way they let those people treat them. 

So is it nature, nurture or just circumstances? I'm sure we can also chalk it up to chemical imbalance and pin it to low self-esteem. However, we are also affected by what society teaches us, no brainwashes us about love and who is loveable, about being a man and being a woman. The stereotyping never ends.

If you are one of those confused women, maybe you never really thought about it and never asked the million dollar question, "do I love myself?" 

Here are some tell-tale signs that you don't: 

a. You feel good about yourself only if you are in a romantic relationship. 

b. You don't accept that you are beautiful unless somebody tells you that you are. 

c. Your self-worth is based on acceptance by your boyfriend, husband, peers, your boss… 

d. And sometimes, you let this agony get even worse – like allowing yourself to be physically exploited and harmed, getting beaten up by your significant other even if the relationship has turned abusive, doing excessive drugs, unrestrained drinking…I could go on 

Maybe you don't need to be told this - you KNOW you HATE yourself and A through D are some of the reasons. Hold on! These are NOT reasons to hate yourself. Again, they are only symptoms. You are simply all these things because you DON’T love yourself. 

So how did you get so harrowingly low? It could be anything, from the fact that you were born in a dysfunctional family and your parents ignored you, to a traumatic personal episode you had in your life to the consumerist bombardment of thin, "make up heavy" models and fashion magazines that are a parody of life where only anorexic waifs and glamorous movie stars deserve love. Perhaps you were a loner at school with no friends, maybe you were poor watching all the rich, popular kids living fabulously. Or perhaps you were really the unfortunate unlucky one. 

Regardless of how you got here, how miserable your life has been so far, you've got to deal with it. Stop this victimhood and figure out a way to love get free and love yourself. This may be a long, hard journey but a journey of discovery none the less. Your eventual goal must be to truly understand, independently of the opinions of others, that you are a beautiful happy person. Then you'll be self-sufficient and confident, you'll love yourself, and you won't need anybody to love you back (that's just an added bonus). 

In order to get to this point, you have to start with a very simple affirmation - You are a good person. Its really a simple mind - body spirit kind of happy affirmation. Everybody can find one good thing about themselves. Think of as many lines you can to fill "I'm a good person because (fill in the blanks)" . Just start from there and the rest, will follow. Have Faith. 

If you have already started this journey, remember, you’ve still got a long way to go, but savour the progress you’ve made. Maybe, you hate a less little than yesterday and some days, you like yourself independently of what your colleagues or your boyfriend or your parents think. Become an influencer. Help your sisters out to rediscover themselves. Don't get caught with petty jealousy and catty politics. You're all in it together! Girls of the world, unite, love yourself and be happy!

What's love got to do with it?

Loving and Living in a selfish world

Gazing down the airplane window, trying to distract myself from the impending take off, I pondered about a TV documentary I had just finished watching on my phone before boarding. Interestingly, it was about an aspect of human existence I haven't spent much time considering, that is, until lately - on the hows and whys and whens - of love, of sex, of lust, of the more basic physical instincts that men and women grapple with, of relationships. 

So much so in fact, that the subject of "love" has been amazingly neglected. Maybe what the author said was true. I suppose in many respects I have also become a little jaded and cynical when it comes to what "love" is all about anyway... I mean, what does love have to do with sex, and vice versa... Can anyone really explain it? And, when do you really distinguish between the two?

How many times have you heard people say - "When you're in love with someone, you'll just know it..." Know what? Know how? Know when? They never seem to explain "it" and most of us - I'd wager - would have a hard time verbalizing exactly what "it" is... So I ask you now - what is love? If that isn't the most open-ended question on the planet at this moment - I don't know what would be!

Throughout history reams and reams of paper and countless barrels of ink have been expended by those in search of in explanation of  love...  Shakespeare wrote "Live with me and be my love, And we will all the pleasures prove, That hills and valleys, dales and fields, And all the craggy mountains yields..." Perhaps Shakespeare knew what love had to do with "it". Perhaps if he was still alive and kicking he could enlighten the rest of us - who can say...

Hollywood has made more than its fair share of attempts at interpreting love on the big screen over the years - From Here to Eternity and Casablanca are only a few of the classic films that come to mind. Even today in this post modern century, everyone still seems to be in search of "it." I remember reading an old article in Salon magazine by Barry Sullivan, a series of essays written on spending 34 years making love to and loving the same woman... Is Mr. Sullivan an anomaly? Is long-term "love" a generational thing, and have we forgotten how it works in this day and age - or did we ever know?

I believe the sole answer to all of the preceding questions is quite simply "No." How many of us with parents still living (and still married after 30, 40, even 50 years) can look at them and know they are, in fact, truly happy - or they have never cheated - or have they just acquiesced to an existence of tolerating each other, of a life time of disengagement because being engaged with each other ceased to be a passion for them long ago... I'd bet the scales are tipped pretty evenly in that regard.

Love wins out sometimes, other times - it does not. Pity, most of us still look for the flaws in the person who loves us instead of rejoicing in their love. Selfishly, we get more interested in stuff like money, looks, age, race and so many other things that we entirely forget why we even fell in love with that person. We only want to accept and have the love we think we deserve. 

Perhaps the one thing that can be said - is that when you do happen to stumble upon love - or it stumbles upon you - and you do inexplicably know - cherish it, hold it, revel in it - because just like the weeds that invade and strangle bright blossoming gardens, love will leave you, if don't care for it...if you don't protect it..if you don't respect it.

All these musings as usual, provide more questions than answers - but that's part of life that makes you think, think, think... I hope at the very least we are continuing to do that - even if we are habitually late and ignorant in recognizing true love when it comes to us on a platter. Like someone said, being ignored by someone who's attention means the world to you is the worst feeling ever.

I am a pessimist when it comes to love but I still believe we must like living each day to its fullest all the time and find and cherish the love we find. Maybe, we should all enjoy life while you're at it! Just because the summer of love slipped away and the winter of loneliness is on the way, is no excuse for staying cooped up and forgetting how to - live...and love and try again. Try it sometime and I think you'll quickly become addicted. 

Fu King Chinese Takeaway Stories

Bad food and bad sex go hand in hand!

Eating Chinese take-aways and having casual sex are two things I don't do very often, but after having a Special Chow-Mien the other night I realized the similarities between the two are numerous.  

The desire to indulge in either usually has something to do with alcohol intake and a night in the club. Being "under the influence" somehow heightens certain desires and the senses become slightly blurred. Instant gratification must be had. There are ways around this, but the rational part of our brains has long ceased to function. There's a good chance there is food in the fridge to put something vaguely edible together, and every girl or guy who knows how to scratch that itch should keep the inconspicuous snickers handy for times like these. But no, the juices are flowing, the Chinese take-way/casual sexual encounter must be had, despite those consequences. 

Seconds before consumption, a little voice will speak and you chose to ignore it. That voice will tell you that you still have time to stop, you'll regret it in the morning…. Yes, I am going to talk about the consequences, even though it hurts. Every time I do it I remember why I swore the last time I'd never do it again. So, for my benefit and the benefit of many others, here's some good reasons not to partake of either. Maybe the message will eventually sink in. 

Despite how good it feels at the time, (and you can be sure it feels gooooood!), within half an hour you will start feeling yucky. If you manage to sleep (full stomach/ stomach full, stranger in the bed maybe) you can be guaranteed you will feel so crap in the morning you will want to puke. You will hate yourself and vow to never do it again. You probably will puke, and take several showers. 

Then there's the smell. Chinese food has a way of lingering for hours, as does the latex smell of condoms. Even without condoms, sex has a smell all of it's own, not to mention sticky, sweaty bodies. The only thing to do is open the windows wide and wash everything in disinfectant, mouthwash or soap. 

I'm not completely knocking either sex or Chinese take-aways. What I will do though is suggest quality, rather than quantity. Try a sit-down meal in a restaurant, or a good Indian take-away for variation. The same goes with close encounters. If you never want to see the guy or gal again, a one-night-stand is the way to do it. If you do, I suggest giving him or her a sample of what's to come, lots and lots of snogging, even show him some nifty handwork. Or just put the whole thing down to experience. Pearl P

Sleeping and living with the Enemy

Advice for my Mysterious Chat Friend ! 

I had this interesting and uncanny chat with a blog reader today. She wanted me to write more about women – apparently, she seemed to like my “womencentric” posts. Now, if you are not bored with my self-flattery, we slowly started discussing things off-topic and more personal – about possessiveness, jealousy, domestic violence, obsession, those kind of things. One thing that we spent a long time on was whether it's possible to love someone to the point of morbid obsessive fear? I don’t know and didn’t ask if she was in such a relationship – it would have felt awkward but I think I should have. Something tells me she is in some kind of a problem so this post is directed to her (if she is reading this).

We all agree that in a relationship, there is a definite amount of possessiveness that goes along with that. We say or think "This is the woman that I love. It's mine, and I want to protect my emotional investment in it." The previous statement applies to both people and objects. This way lies possessive jealousy and that can be a very normal response. Problems occur, however, when possessiveness and the behavior around it, are taken to extremes. And this can happen in relationships with both objects and people. The man who hides away his DVD collection in a fireproof vault with a laser security system and explosives on the floor of the underground chamber is being a tad overzealous with the protection of his DVDs.

In the same light, the same can happen in a relationship with two people, where one partner can act in such a way as to control, stalk and abuse. One could try and see that the other doesn't have any other friends, or can't get out and be with other people without letting the "possessive partner" know exactly where they're going, how long they'll be there, who there with, and perhaps going into a sulk if they don't want the partner going. Or worse.

I don't want to make direct recommendations about what people should do. But if you're in a relationship and feeling 'possessed' by the other person, it might be a good time to reexamine that relationship. I am always an advocate of giving people a second chance, so trying to explain to a partner, husband, wife, lover.. how one feels, and asking for a change in that behavior might be helpful..

And to whoever reads this column, (including my chat friend), if you feel for the first moment the other partner in the relationship might have some sort of extreme or violent reaction to a request to not be so possessive, immediately seek local help: a parent, a brother or sister, a friend, a professional psychologist or a relationship counselor, or whatever - for yourself and your partner. Not an anonymous, immature, blogger on the Internet like me. Extreme reactions to obsessive love can be dangerous and life-threatening. Beware and take care!!

Waking Life (2001)

Richard Linklater's Brilliant Animated MindTripper!!

Waking Life (2001) is a dazzling mess. There are probably more ideas generated in those 100 minutes than in all other movies currently playing around town combined, even if its over 10 years old. Richard Linklater's film is presented as one long hallucination by its nameless central character, an observer of conversations about existentialism, rebirth, free will, bereavement, warfare, technology, faith and, most of all, the nature of dreams themselves.

Like virtually any work that dares to ask big, unanswerable questions, Waking Life can be pretentious and even exhausting but you also get euphoria from its unquenchable curiosity about the world, like a skyfall.

As in Slacker (1991), Linklater's first film, there is virtually no conformist story, making it easy to lose yourself along the way. The imprecise rotoscoped animation only enhances the feeling of displacement but that's specifically the point. In other words, getting lost with Linklater is a lot more enlightening than being spoon-fed, hand-led and patronized by a lot of garden-variety filmmakers more concerned with filling the theater than filling your brain.

Brimming with references to Jean-Paul Sartre, D.H. Lawrence and countless others, Waking Life is at times encumbered by its assault of ideas; still, it stands in direct hostility to an entertainment culture where being "about nothing" is a insignia of respect.

Sure, it'd be nice if people in this movie occasionally just talked about baseball or the weather to balance things out. There's also no denying that some of the images in Waking Life are breathtaking but at length, many might feel that this is an agonizing exercise in hedonistic, snotty filmmaking, that will ignite arguments over its apparent intrinsic worth and, no doubt, be touted by some as a masterpiece.

Nonetheless, Waking Life sticks with you in a insightful way, its ideas buzzing through your mind like fireflies. And I was beginning to think the sheer possibility was but a dream.

Free Streaming/Movie Download - Video Link: VeeHD

Playing the Good Samaritan!

Help Somebody Today!

Do you believe in good Samaritans and Angels? I do. I recently rammed my car on to a lamp post during a rainwashed trip in the suburbs and an unknown angel who happened to own a house on the street corner, helped me out. He took me in and even made me a hot cuppa of fresh coffee until the tow truck came in a full 2 hours late. I wasn’t injured really but he made sure I was alright!

I haven't had occasion to need a Good Samaritan many times, but I distinctly remember playing the good angel near heaven once. Ok, I mean aboard an airborne 747.

Well, I was seated next to a big man whose knees were right up against the seat ahead of him. He didn't complain until that seat's occupant insisted on leaning her seat back 'til she was practically in my seatmate's lap! The man explained his predicament politely, but that lady would not return her seat to an upright position. Instead, she acted like his request was totally out of line.

Nor being able to see the poor man’s plight, I traded seats with him and my comparatively smaller frame fit right in under the rude lady's seat. That big man turned out to be the vice president of a big bank in San Diego, and he gave me his card in case he could do me a good turn. Though I never called on him ever, I still have his business card somewhere, and the good memory of how it feels to be kind to a total stranger.

I have been repaid for that small act numerous times. People are often nice to me, but I imagine that that mean lady has had repayment of a different sort for her nastiness. After 5 years, I'm still surprised at the needless inconsiderate behavior she displayed.

You will probably have the opportunity to be an angel for someone, maybe even today. Don't be too hasty to let it slip by, go ahead, be the Good Samaritan!

10 Fabulous Songs For Mother's Day

Old but Gold Songs that Celebrate Our Mothers

Mother's Day is here and the list below is something I ghost wrote many years ago for a popular music website of those days but still very relevant.

So, Mother's Day is nothing more than an industry-fabricated commercial holiday meant to throw retailers a bone between Christmas, New Year and Back-to-School who cares? but its difficult to ignore our own great mothers on this most special of days.

That may still bother some, but our eternal love for our own sainted mothers overcomes any objections we might have (objections we would have if, that is, we didn't love our dedicated moms as overwhelmingly much as we do.)

Accordingly, I present a list of the top 10 Mother songs (or should I call my personal favorites) that celebrate our Mothers. Less loving and loyal children might be tempted to make light of this most sacred of days by including such obscene tunes as "Turn This Mutha Out", "She's a Bad Mama Jamma", "Up Against the Wall Redneck Mother," or even just plain mean-spirited songs like "Mother's Little Helper" or Pink Floyd's "Mother" (with its lyrics including such trash as "Mother's gonna make all your nightmares come true/Mother's gonna put all her fears into you," obviously the product of an disrespectful, unthankful child,) but not me.

This list is composed strictly of (old but gold) songs specifically about loving and appreciating your mother. Heck, they deserve it.

Beatles - "Julia"

One of John Lennon's most earnest and tender songs of love was written not for Yoko (or any other lover) but for his dear mother

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9UnoPl00GY

Cub - "Mom and Dad"

These energetic female indie-punks' message to their parents is simple: "You did a good job."

Desmond Dekker - "Honor Your Mother and Your Father"

This legendary Jamaican singer's first hit proves that even the rudest of boys still knows to love, honor and obey his mother.

Goodie Mob - "Guess Who"

They especially love their mama's down in the Dirty South, so it's only fitting that this Soul Food classic finds the Goodie Mob in top form.

Johnny Cash - "Send a Picture of Mother"

Facing a lifetime in prison without likelihood of a parole, the unfortunate soul narrating this tear-jerking tune asks but one thing of his soon-to-be-free cellmate: "Send a picture of mother if you can."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-USdn4z_sY

Merle Haggard - "Mama Tried"

An elegy to a mother's devotion against all odds, this country classic exonerates mom from any responsibility for her wayward son's misdeeds, leaving only he - who turned 21 in prison doing life without parole - to blame.

Intruders - "I'll Always Love My Momma"

The title of this Philly Soul classic from the pioneers of Philadelphia Soul - dedicated to the boys' "favorite girl" - says it all.

Osborne Brothers - "A Vision of Mother"

Bobby and Sonny Osborne use their close harmonies and obvious blood-ties to deliver a moving tribute to their dear departed mother.

Temptations - "Oh Mother of Mine"

Papa may have been a rolling stone, but mama was a rock. This humble, sincere song finds the Temptations' Paul Williams predictably wounded by love and begging his mother to forgive him for not following her sage advice in the first place.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwnFANCG1MI

Tupac - "Dear Mama"

This sensitive thug-love classic contains such heartfelt sentiments as "even though I sell rocks, it feels good putting money in your mailbox."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rpDmqRrnaI

Happy Mothers Day :)

Flirting Classes From St.Valentine!

Celebrating Valentine's Day in the New World!

Valentine's Day is just a day away but I want St. Valentine to come back. The world needs some serious love help if the recent claim proves correct that half of all men, especially the American kind have forgotten how to flirt. After all, the thing about the global village is that whatever happens in the "developed" world eventually reaches the "developing" world, in which if you hadn't noticed it - many happen to be.

Geographical borders no longer prevent anything - from Viagra, iPhone, iPad to a noxious bacterium - from leaping across seas, mountains and continents and taking root in climates where they might not otherwise flourish. Trends, fashions and fancies also reach us in due course, and when they do we're often not quite ready for them.

Take feminism for example. North Americans first awoke to this dogma in the early '60s. It grew organically from the frustrations of the post-war housewife, trapped in her suburban home with only a few new-fangled household gadgets and a horde of children to keep her company. The urge to break free from these confines took time to dawn on these women-as well as on the men who used to blow a kiss to them from the driveway before backing out the family station-wagon and heading for another day at the factory or office.

As the ideology of women's liberation gradually spread out, inspired by the writings and minds of leading women academics, writers and social activists of those days, it eventually reached the kitchens of millions of American housewives.

Today, Americans talk of a post-feminist society and men know all too well the cost of ignoring gender equality. One topical example is the fact the former President of the United States had to vigorously fight for his political life because of a sexual indiscretion that, during the pre-feminist era, would hardly have registered on the political Geiger counter.

When feminism finally arrived in the developing world during the 1980s through a few middle class academics, women had spoken about it before then but it seemed, at first, like an alien concept. And in many ways it was and still is to many folks in the developing world especially like Indians, Chinese, both women and men besides the political right wing  and conservative religious outfits.

Indians and Chinese for example had not, and have not, lived through the various birth stages of this new way of thinking, and they received it like a FedEx package that had gone astray with all the assembly instructions intact. They sort of knew what to do with the contents; it's just that they're still not quite sure how to put the damn thing together. I know many Asians would disagree but it’s an undeniable fact.

So it was with keen interest that I learned some University researchers in the US have shown that 50 percent of all American men no longer know how to flirt with women. Flirting, the study claims, is a dying art because men are wary that it might lead to accusations of sexual harassment. Apparently social scientists have noted a same trend in other parts of western hemisphere.

One wonders how long it will be before this phenomenon fully engulfs Asia - if it ever will. Asians unlike their American and European counterparts seem much less inclined to succumb to new social conventions when it comes to women.

They still live in a traditional, macho society and most of their men have a sky high self-esteem (whether they deserve it or not) that is still quite full-bodied and intact. Ask women, especially single Indian women who try to go out socially in a club or bar, how often men hit on them. It's virtually impossible for a woman to sit alone at a pub in our country without some macho ego in a slick suit or a pair of tight jeans offering to buy her a drink and take her home.

The thing about flirting - and this is what Asian men just don't seem to understand - is that it's not meant to be a method of extracting sex from a woman alone. Flirting is about letting a woman know that you're attracted to her, not just for sexual reasons, but because you find her interesting.

Women will always be suspicious of flirts as long as the primary motive is selfish. Until men everywhere understand that sex is not the only thing women have to offer, women will just make if difficult for men and if they have to scare you in the process, so they will definitely. So come back St. Valentine and make us all celebrate a happy Valentines Day.

February's Essential Reading - Blast from the Past

9 Awesome Books to Read from the 90s I guess!

Strip Tease - CARL HIAASEN

This may have been a really awful movie to remember, except for Demi Moore's title act for which she was apparently paid $12.5 million but the book by Carl Hiaasen on which it was based, is one helluva fun. With a snappy story line of corrupt politicians, vain TV reporters, grumble cops and a heroine to good to be true, Striptease is a virtual teaser, especially its hard-edged satire on American politicians. Incidentally, Striptease the movie was a colossal box office and critical failure and also won the Golden Raspberry Award for the 1996's Worst Picture of the Year.

Fullalove - GORDON BURN

A tender sentimental title, an innocent photograph of a cuddly toy puppy and you would think it to be a rosy children's novel. But just after a few pages of reading and it's clear Burn's no hold's barred tale of a blacked-out tabloid hero who covers serial killings and child snatchings is the last thing you would want your kids to snuggle up next to their beds. Burn, who was also an award-winning columnist for Esquire and Rolling Stone, conjures up a veritable blood bath with Norman Miller, the hero criss-crossing crash sites, visiting hospitals and mass murderers. By the time, you reach the end, you are a drained-out, sensitized zombie yourself, Read "Happy like Murderers" too, also by Burn if you like this one.

Vurt - JEFF NOON

Too beautiful for bikers, too harsh for hippies wrote the New Statesman when Noon's debut hit the Sci-Fi markets in 1994. And it sure hit hard. Vurt was not only voted the science fiction novel of the year but also won the prestigious Arthur C. Clarke award. No achievement this, when you compare the fact that Noon was competing against the usual Sci-Fi biggies like Gibson and Asimov. Vurt is a Sci-Fi surprise, no gang-bang Star war adventure but a move down to earth setting in near future Manchester and a plot that creeps up to a superb climax. If you haven't read it until now, go grab it even if you don't like menacing Aliens and organic galaxies.

Bombay Talkie - AMEENA MEER

When we think of life in India, two clichés come to mind. The first of chicken tikka, snake charmers, bullock carts and women in colorful saris, the second is the bleeding image of a growing densely populated country trying to come in terms with BPOs, atom bombs, Aids and corruption. Ameena Meer's bold debut blows the lid of these stereotypes with a insiders look of wannabe twenty some thing Indians struggling to make it big in a brave new world where east meets west with interesting consequences. Meer's debut packs enough ethnic zing, sexual tension and local flavors to make “Bombay Talkie" a fabulous read.

Fishboy - MARK RICHARD

For a start, Mark Richard's best selling Fishboy sounds a tad boring especially its tedious long beginning that stretches the limits. Your patience is soon rewarded as it slowly turns into a dazzling roller coaster with enough imaginative twists and turns that keeps you spellbound to the finish. With bizarre characters like the lead fish boy, fish wives, seafarers, nuclear submarines and beautiful mermaids for company, Richard builds a intoxicating fantasy that is surreal, dark and good fun to read. P.S: Here's a small nugget you may love to know - Mark Richard was screenwriter for 2008's American war drama film "Stop Loss" directed by Kimberly Peirce (Boys Don't Cry) which starred Ryan Phillippe and Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Sleepeasy - TM WRIGHT

The premise is simple. Hero Harry Briggs is searching for his pregnant wife who is suddenly missing but is rumored to be happy and living in Silver lake. The surprise however, is that Harry Briggs is a dead man and Silver lake is a state of mind. With such a noirish ghostliness attached to it, Wright has enough fun as Harry frantically searches for his wife with just a revolver trench coat in a world that obeys no laws except the supernatural and nothing is perfect. A waking dream of a novel, Sleepeasy may not be your ideal horror read, but it sure is a delight. From the award winning author of the internationally best selling " A Manhattan Ghost Story" which is soon to be made into a movie.

Kolynsky Heights - LIONEL DAVIDSON

With shades of Clive Cussler's "Vixen 03 ", critically acclaimed Davidson's Kolynsky Heights is one of those old fashioned, spy themed, fine action adventures that you don't read these days. With an serpentine plot that stretches from a secret lab in ice cold Siberia to Oxford and a hero as suave as James Bond, the no-nonsense narrative motors along nicely at overdrive speed and regular bursts of neat action. Keeps you pre-occupied till its shattering and satisfying climax. If you like this, I would recommend the award winning and equally popular "A Long Way to Shiloh" and "The Chelsea Murders"

Slowness - MILAN KUNDERA

The author of the best selling "The Unbearable Lightness of Being", Milan Kundera has been one of the most fascinating writers of our century and with Slowness, he proved he was indeed one of the very best. His critics may not really agree but Slowness, is actually a fast paced philosophical tale of loss and human tragedy. Heavy stuff about two centuries linked together by the theme of seduction, about nobles and sex put across with a delightful lightness and grace, which only Kundera can muster. It's an altogether different question about the title, which of course, is ironic.

Miss Smilla's Feeling For Snow - PETER HOEG

A delightful and superb novel that made Hoeg, a house hold name in literary circles. And why not indeed. A moody murder thriller, steeped in an cold Nordic interior, Hoeg builds the tempo sublimely and pulls it off efficiently with his elegant prose and wonderfull characterizations. For some, it may be a bit modish, privy to contemporary crime fiction and a predictable plot may too obviously haunt its pages, but this is a splendid novel that sets the mind dreaming and these days, too few books do that. In 1997, this book was also made into a pleasant little movie - "Smilla's Sense of Snow" starring Julia Ormond, Gabriel Byrne, Robert Loggia, Jim Broadbent, Richard Harris and Tom Wilkinson.

Photographing Fairies (1997) - Not Your Usual Fairy Movie!

An Eerie Little Fairy Tale on the 'Cottingley Fairies'

A Compelling fantasy drama loosely inspired by the famous “Cottingley Fairies” incident of 1917 which even attracted the attention of the Great Arthur Conan Doyle, this beautifully photographed movie is actually based more on Steve Szilagyi’s best selling book of the same name.

Set in post-war Britain of the 1920's when believing in fairies nearly reached mass hysteria and respectability following the discovery of the “Cottingley Fairies”; it revolves around young photographer Toby Castle (Die Another Day's Toby Stephens) who returns to England heartbroken after losing his new bride down a crevasse on the first day of their honeymoon in the Alps.

He returns home cynical and dismissive, despite living in the same society where new ideas about the after-life and spirituality are seeping into the mainstream. His views soon change though when he meets the mysterious Beatrice Templeton (Frances Barber) who shows him a photograph of her daughters playing with fairies.

Toby is soon convinced that they are indeed real after seeing them for himself and he sees a way in which he can be re-united with his lost love. This view isn't supported by Beatrice's religious husband (played with aplomb by Ben Kingsley), a manic fundamentalist preacher whose less than tolerant attitude ultimately leads to violence.

Winner of the 1998 Méliès d'Or award, Nick Willing’s “Photographing Fairies” is a rather serene film touching on many themes: grief, love, despair and afterlife while also exploring Edwardian society’s interest in supernatural possibilities outside the established realm of those days. Accompanied by a wonderful score, this is a little known British gem that you may never catch on TV.

Incidentally, this is one of the 2 movies that were made based on the “Cottingley Fairies”, the other being 1998’s “Fairy Tale: A True Story” – a more factual narrative starring Peter O'Toole and Harvey Keitel.

Single File - Free Streaming/Download link - Stagevu or Veehd link.

Beauty Queens, Dinosaurs and Carnal Desires

Two weeks back or so, I impulsively participated in an online contest where you had to choose the prettiest girl who I would love to go out on a five star luxury date (and also deserved to become the next Miss Universe). Out of some dozen or so attractive and sexy women of varied colors, I randomly selected three – all tall, gorgeous and good-looking brunettes.

I did not even bother to read their names, which country they belonged to or what they did for a living - instead leaving my better judgement to what looked nice to my eyes or rather what I considered which one had the best physical attributes! Okay..now don’t get me wrong and call me a debauched lecher. With a client meeting to attend in 20 minutes, I obviously did not have the time to spare and besides, the contest had already received some 6255 entries!

Anyway, I get a call yesterday from a husky sounding woman who informs me that I am one of the lucky winners (out of the 10000 participants or so). But before you think that I have indeed won a blind date with this year’s Miss Universe 2010 – an exotic Mexican hottie named Ximena; the hard truth is a dampener – forget the first prize, I am not even amongst the top 10 winners but belong to ‘the consolation prize’ group. As evident from the name, the organizers idea of consoling me was to gift me a smart pair of jeans wear and 4 cans of foul smelling deodorants which they claim have the power to turn ON all women of the planet - crazy with carnal desires. Either, these guys had erroneously sent me 4 small cans of an insecticide or maybe, women really have weird & odd turn ons.

I come back home, switch on the telly and hop on to the Discovery channel. And what do I see – a slick documentary on courtship, sex and evolution. Have you ever been inexplicably attracted to someone completely outside your usual realm of possibilities, the host asks? It seems human beings aren't the only ones who have surprised themselves. I am told that the spiky horns and clubbed tails of dinosaurs evolved not only for protection, but to also equip them for vicious sexual battles between rival males.

In fact, it seems dinosaurs also indulged in beauty contests like humans, flaunting a bizarre array of quills, crests, ruffs and frills. The giant (and apparently mischievous) Diplodocus even sported a whip - perhaps for cracking dramatically as part of a courtship ritual!

And to prove that we did, somewhere along the line, evolve from the animal kingdom, I am told that the Hadrosaur had a one-metre high crest protruding from its head which acted like a natural trombone. Just think of the noisiest guy you know and multiply the sound by about 50. The female dinosaurs were it seems most attracted to the male Hadrosaurs with the deepest voices.

This all happened 65 million years ago. So, taking into account some million, million years of human evolution, one can only surmise from the laws of nature, that it's not entirely our fault if we pick the wrong partner. The laws of attraction it seems are now governed not only by considered choices of our own, but partly by our 'still alive' animal instinct and also by foul smelling, sex inducing deodorants. And, of course, an utterly fab denim outfit too!

Asking a Man Out?

Why a Woman Should Ask a Man Out?

What’s wrong with a woman asking a Man out? This was question posed to me by a former female colleague who was complaining that a guy she had been eyeing for months had coldly vetoed her proposal for an evening date. She felt humiliated, she rued. And she was asking me (of all people) for an answer.

I really didn’t know what to say. Maybe, she shouldn’t have asked the man out. This isn't because I believe it's the divine role or godly duty of man to do the asking out but maybe, he just didn’t like her.

Or maybe quite simply, asking out a member of the opposite sex requires the kind of self-esteem that allows you to cope with even a dash of rejection. Put another way, most of us are cowards, not willing to muster the courage to ask a man (or a woman) out. So, when we eventually make the attempt and fail, we turn into inconsolable cry babies.

And of course, being the one that's chased is not without benefits. You get to feel like royalty, you call the shots, you decide the time, you decide where to go - you can play the mystery card until you decide when to stop and you're under no obligation - after all they asked you out didn't they?

But times are a changing (I sound so old when I say that - but it's true they are!) In fact I could count how many times a very handsome friend of mine has been 'chased' in the last two years alone. Maybe it's the self-confident, assertive women who do the asking out that are starting to nab all the decent guys first. Lucky them.

If you are a woman, you may wonder why asking a guy out is such a big deal? All you have to say is, 'd'ya fancy going to the pub tonite?' Just like you would to a pal. It's not like you're offering him sex, or asking him to marry you or anything serious like that. All you're suggesting is that you get to know each other a bit better - take it or leave it.

But then let's face it; there aren't all that many warm, funny, intelligent and damn fine-looking men out there. So if you do come across one of these rare specimens, you need to get in there - quick.

And you need to be obvious. Most men don't understand subtlety. If you opt for hanging around him, fluttering your eyelashes and acting coy, he won't interpret this as flirting, he'll just think you've are a nervous tic. Perhaps, clearing the way for some other, more obvious (and self-assured) lady to steam in there. She might not be as attractive or pretty as you, but at least he'll know where he stands. Besides, confidence is a huge turn-on - show me a guy who wouldn't be flattered by the attention, and I'll show you a goddamn liar.

And finally, let’s deal with the rejection. So what if he knocks you back? Maybe he wasn't simply attracted to you - but you know what they say, one man's meat is another man's poison. Believe it or not, there are guys out there who don't fancy Angelina Jolie or Aishwarya Rai. Not many, admittedly, but you get my point. So, if you are the kind who has been recently vetoed down – don’t take it personally, put it behind you - and move onto the next one. And when the time is ripe, ask him out! You never know, he just might say YES.

What do you reckon? Should men still do the asking out? Or should sisters start doing it for themselves? [This post has been selected for this week's Tangy Tuesday Picks at BlogAdda]

A Singles Night Out

If you're bored of being single, but haven't seen anyone you fancy in months, may be you should join a hip club and visit a Singles Night. Or at least that is what I advised a lovelorn friend of mine. And I did sort of help him find his love…I know it’s a hard job but someone's gotta do it.

You don't have to be sad and desperate to go to a Singles Night, you know. I know, because I recently did accompany my friend to an exclusive ‘VIP Only’ Singles Night party, and I am neither sad nor desperate. Most of the time, anyway.

Actually, this was a superior top of its class Singles Night. A joint venture between trendy cosmetic company and even trendier pub, our VIP pass plus a fat fun fee got me and my friend a plate of fish tikka, assorted chicken snacks, a couple of drinks, a host of singing waiters, masseurs, tarot readers and astrologers, good music and guaranteed up-close-and-personal attention from loads of (apparently) single women – young teens, 30 somethings, older goldies… the whole lot. Talk about value for money.

Red, amber or green stickers were slapped on to the guests as they arrived, supposedly indicating just how single they were, exactly. Most of the women opted for amber and most of the men (who were in minority) went for green. Which says a lot about the differences between the two sexes, really.

Throwing caution to the wind, we went for …amber. It didn't make any difference, to be honest. My companion and I had no sooner ordered our snacks and found a table, than a couple of young (and drunk) women scooted over to join us. And after that they just kept on coming' and comin.

That's the great thing about going to a Singles Night – everyone there knows that everyone else is there for the same reason as they are (if you know what I mean), so any inhibitions are merrily cast to the wind. There's none of those situations you get in bars, when you think you spy a half-sexy woman looking at you, but an hour later and she still hasn't come over or winked a eye And then you realize she's actually so drunk she's gone cross-eyed. Or maybe that's just me. Whatever. Getting back to the Singles Night, the key word here is talent. Or rather, lack of it.

You see, although there were lots of women there, none of them were remotely fanciable. Trust me. They really weren't. Maybe that's because this particular party was a bit too bad for my friend, so braces, bad make up and beer-guts were the order of the day.

Looking on the bright side (and I always try to) at least some of them were hot and I did manage to hookup one for my friend (but it didn’t last more than 10 minutes). So, on the one hand, is kind of a shame. But, on the other hand, not. Oh well. Anyways, I wish him better luck next time….