Romance for Dummies

There is no love, when there is no romance

I often get asked why I write about love and romance. Does it not scare me? Or am I really so desperate to be loved? The words love and romance scares many people. It’s true, and matter of fact sometimes scares me too. Often, it conjures up thoughts of having to dramatically change yourself into someone else, to metamorphose into a new being and most of all, to feel appreciated and accepted.

In reality, romance and love are merely a life enhancement, not a real change. You can love someone without romance but without romance, the love fades away. It is the art of awareness and an awakening of the importance in your life of those you love. It is a reflection of the heart, and of the mind, a way to find something meaningful through shared experiences with someone else. 

Romance is also truly the way to a person’s heart and beyond. We all want and need to feel loved. It is the core of our existence to feel that we are important to someone, that we matter. Romance is not a college course, as it requires no degree. It quite simply entails getting in touch with your own heart then touching another's. 

It has been said that if you follow your heart, you will never go wrong, but how many of us actually open that part of ourselves that is the heart? We think we do. We tell ourselves we do. But do we really? We pretend at best, bad actors doing bad acting or feel intimidated. More often, we block than open up, confuse than confide, doubt than trust and to make it worse, we fight, we battle, we go to war. 

To make romance and not war is the challenge. It’s not really a difficult path really. We can enrich the relationships we are currently in, or those of the future, by bringing into our relationships a greater awareness of what is really important, communicating with clarity and adding a little imagination in our love. Take, for instance, the word ‘romantic interlude’. It sounds mysterious, doesn’t it? The mind immediately conjures up all sorts of settings from tropical islands to medieval castles. Everything from mellow moonlit nights and sensual candlelight dinners to clandestine makeouts in the car parking. So, in essence, romance is all in the mind, and the only way to get to it is by unlocking the imagination, by opening the heart, and expressing what is inside. 

Whether you are single, engaged, in a relationship, married a short time, or a long time, romance is important to maintaining strong love and lasting robust relationship. It’s the glue that connects. The possibilities of love are endless, limited only by that willingness to follow the heart as far as it will take you. 

If today was to be your last day of life, what would you have at the top of your list of things you would miss the most? Gone would be the money and material goals, for they, like life, are short-lived. What would you want to be remembered for? The possessions you attained? The success you were in your career? Personally, I would much rather be remembered that I truly loved and was loved. This is not to say we must sacrifice one for the other. It is merely a position of the importance of the things in our lives. 

In these sad times of short-lived marriages and even shorter relationships, there is always a great deal of fear, suspicion, mistrust, and insecurities. So we must aspire a return to romance in our lives and open ourselves to romantic notions, even if we are already in love. This will help restore the value of giving that little extra to our love lives that enriches and touches deeper into our hearts and melds into our minds.

Not only will you improve the life of the one you love, but you'll also improve your own as well. By giving someone the key that opens the treasure chest of who we are and what we feel, we can create a map to that treasure, follow it, or follow your heart, for romance is merely a way of expressing love, and that is the greatest treasure of all. 

If nothing else, you’ll realize life is a wonderful journey that can be enriched through romance, love and a little imagination. So, take that moment, that chance, and explore some wonderful ways to enrich your life, and your relationship. And I hope you find a smile, an opportunity, or just a deep sigh that signals the beginning of something more. Good luck! Happy romancing! 

Hunting Treasures on the Internet Highway

Finding love in the cyber universe and other little things 

Last night, I watched the 1998 hit “You’ve Got Mail” starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks on the telly. Directed by Nora Ephron, it’s a bittersweet romantic comedy about two harried souls, who aren't aware of the fact that they already know each other on the earthly plane of the real world, but find each other in an online chat room under anonymous screen names and slowly develop a robust relationship. 

If you haven’t seen this movie yet, I won’t spoil it any more of what happens next. It’s ironic though that this sugary story of computer love that transcends into real life still resonates with relevance, even in 2019. After all, all they do is predominantly chat throughout the movie. And despite being bitter enemies in the physical world, they proceed to virtually fall in love. You might think, how? With what and with whom are they falling in love? Thoughts? Passions? Humor? Fantasies? Hope? Or the person itself? 

Like old-fashioned love letters, you’ll have to admit; an incredible thing happens when two people simply correspond in writing. The brain feels liberated, unhindered by the bodies automatic social responses that occur when people communicate face to face. There’s nothing to worry about - how you look, how your voice sounds, whether you are black or white, what gods you follow; there are no judgments and if all goes well, no inhibitions later. There is just the mind working to be understood in a pure realm of trust and communication and opening up to a receptive soul. And soon it becomes much more than just an anonymous chat. 

In the real world, when we meet someone very attractive, we are pulled to them instantly. When the physical attraction is strong, it simply overpowers and takes priority over everything else. Then, it soon fades into oblivion. Lust over reason so to speak, confused for love rather than listening, understanding and accepting. But in the virtual space, you may not fully understand the other person chatting with you but you do have to listen. And vice versa. And by actually listening, you open up to a lot of understanding and that is the wonderful beauty of this exercise.

Of course, in these days of online perverts, sly scammers and dangerous stalkers, you’ll have to be very careful who you are interacting with. And many would tell you that people lie in the online worlds. I have had to endure the concerns of those who believe I'm out of my mind or simply that they are more cautious than me. "They could be lying about who they are!" I've been told. As if to say people you meet in person never lie about who they are? Oh, here's another one, "Anyone who has to put a personal profile on the Internet must be a real loser" or “simply wants to just get laid tonight”. 

Would you call someone who can type at least 100 words a minute, has the intelligence and literal eloquence to communicate his or her innermost thoughts and feelings, and has the self-confidence, focus, and motivation to actually do it - a loser? And why go through this elaborate ritual for sex when sex is now so readily available, free and cheap. 

Well, meeting someone in the flesh can be far more deceptive and dangerous these days than getting to know someone from afar. We humans are slaves to our senses first and to our hearts second. Remove all of the armour and the sensual desires and we are left with consciousness and communication in their purest forms. 

Thus, I highly recommend the Internet for your next romantic interlude. Of course it helps to know what you are looking for ahead of time. The most important thing when looking for your soul mate is to know exactly who you are. If possible, I suggest you sit down and make a list of everything you know to be true about yourself - down to the last detail, positive and negative and everything in between. Be completely honest. Then write down every detail about the person of your dreams, but that doesn’t mean you ponder up the Dead Pool or the Wonder Woman. 

There have been periods in my life where I have thought hard about the perfect woman I wanted in my life - if at all that was possible. I had a mental image of her down to the last detail - her face, her work, her body, her personality - everything. Obviously, the conventional methods of meeting a woman held no water with me. Did I really believe that the woman of my dreams could be living in the same city I was in or somewhere far off, 1000s of miles away? 

And my online profile too had to stand out. I want the woman to think that here is a man astute enough to know that his profile is just casual enough to make him not appear needy, and just alluring enough to attract a smart woman who knows the difference, or that he is just being honest. Either way I couldn't lose, could I? I’ll be truthful, all completely legitimate notions there trying to attract the best mate possible. 

If you cross this stage, understand that the person of your dreams may still not be ready for you in your present state, especially if you have plenty of emotional baggage. So you have to be insightful and objective enough to realize that you’ll have to shed the excess kilos, be willing to wait and also find someone who is willing to take their chances with you patiently. Patience is scarce you see. 

Typically, we choose only the people we are ready to be with. Every person in our life that we chose before finding the final “Chosen One” - was there because of either unavoidable circumstances or life wanted to teach you a particular lesson at that time. Our needs and wants change. Sometimes, we want to be drowned in affection so we would choose a needy, insecure soul who would smother us with affection. Then, we may want to go to the opposite extreme, pretending we could be with someone who loved you but let you be like a free bird. 

At any given time, we all have an image in our mind of the features that we consider attractive or desirable in the person we seek. As we grow older and possibly wiser, these requirements turn to virtues and traits we pursue and it goes much more than just looks. It’s as if, we have found a new realization dawning on us. 

On the Internet, deception is possible but unnecessary and obsolete because only we know who we are and what we need. Don't be a crafty jerk. Unlike the anonymity of the "You've Got Mail" era, we now have authentic power, the power to search the cyber cosmos incognito to find what we seek so what’s the point in faking an artificial persona? After all, we are looking for love and companionship, so why fake it. 

In the end, finding someone who loves and appreciates you is no easy task on the internet but remember, you’ll be astounded at how the cyberverse can sometimes throw an irresistible surprise at you, who would blow you off your feet and turn your life upside down. And what can happen next could be an incredible exchange of deep thoughts and crazy ideas; of all your hopes and dismal fears; of incisive messages and risqué gifs; of long emails and anticipated notifications, and of course, of carnal lusts and bodily desires. In essence, an emotional outpouring of the souls between two strangers on opposite ends of the city or far corner of the planet, depending where you find your match. A friend, a lover, a mate, a spouse...only time can tell. 

So, my fellow wanderers, start your engines and drive into the vast internet highway and take your chances. And you just might find the treasure to treasure for the rest of your life. Just dont forget to wear your seatbelt though. 

Dating Advice for the Women of the World

Dating shouldn't be a guessing game. Saying a simple Yes or No is all that matters!

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. So please, please, ladies when you get asked out, talk in a straight line. Say what you mean in twenty-five words or less. It's best for everybody involved. Chaos theorists say that the more moving parts in a system, the more difficult it is to predict outcomes. So sex is like math. Keep it simple.

I've been told some astonishing lies and disinformation for no reason at all.  I accept "No thank yous," with good grace, but being made to feel like Alice talking to the Caterpillar infuriates me.

For example, a common approach in my circles is to encounter a woman at a place or function, like a club, play, beach, or bar. Maybe this is the first time you've met her, maybe not. You make friends with her at the function and, when the curtain falls or last call is announced, you say, "Would you like to go for coffee? Drinks? Dinner? Ice cream?"  The idea is that you will take her off to a more intimate setting, just the two of you, where you can showcase your wit and sensuality to each other and see if this is going to develop.

Answers I DO NOT GET include, "No thank you," "I already have a boyfriend," "I'm not looking for a relationship, but thanks," "I'm a lesbian," "You hideous freak, I would rather roll naked in maggots." All these answers share the common elements of clarity and sincerity. There is little room for misunderstanding with any of these answers. If I got any of these answers, I'd walk away a little disappointed but feeling that I'd gotten a square deal.

Answers I DO GET include, "Sure! I'll just go tell my friends!" - delivered with a friendly smile. Then she disappears into the crowd and never returns.  "Oh, I have to drive my two friends home. Where are you going to be afterwards?"

I reply, "I was going to go home... but, I'll tell you what, I'll give you my number and once you get your friends home you can call me and we'll figure something out."

She never calls.

My friend told me a story where a woman accepted his dinner invitation, named a date and time, gave him directions to her house, took his phone number, gave hers. When he arrived at the address at the arranged time, the house was dark and the driveway was empty.

What's wrong with "No thanks."?

If you don't want to go on the date, just say "No."  Okay, maybe you don't want to be that blunt; you want to spare his feelings. So, you could say, "Gee, I just don't have the time."  Trust me, it's like a bullet through the back of the head.  Lights out.  Didn't hurt.  It's the best thing under the circumstances.

But saying, "Sure, just give me a call!"  And, then dodging his messages, is like sealing a bulkhead on a submarine. He gets to spend two days coming to the realization that he's a big fucking idiot for ever thinking that you were telling the truth. And furthermore, once a guy gets poked in the eye two or four times with this particular stick, it tends to make him edgy and untrusting, and some poor woman down the line who did show up for dinner and drinks is going to be saying, "Why don't you ever tell me what you're feeling?"  So, think of that future woman, at least.

Some men, of course, can't take a straight "No" for an answer, and will keep pestering you about it, turning up in your favorite bars or at your work and repeating themselves, figuring blindly that you said "No" the first five times but the sixth time you're going to crack. My advice, pepper spray that guy, then kick him in the nuts - he'll probably figure it out after that.

And by the way, if you want to go on the date, just say, "Yes! Thursday, seven o'clock?" Don't play hard to get, because anti-stalking laws prohibit us from pursuing that. And any man who thinks you're a slut for agreeing to what he just proposed is a small-minded boob. Discard him immediately. 

So this is universal masculinity (embodied by my humble pen) reaching out to you, the women of the world, with a plea to talk in a straight line, and please teach your friends and  daughters to do the same. The suffering and misunderstandings and accidental charges for criminal stalking or sexual harassment that will be saved in future generations will be immeasurable. No to mention, what a great stride this would be for ongoing diplomatic negotiations between the sexes.

What's love got to do with it?

Loving and Living in a selfish world

Gazing down the airplane window, trying to distract myself from the impending take off, I pondered about a TV documentary I had just finished watching on my phone before boarding. Interestingly, it was about an aspect of human existence I haven't spent much time considering, that is, until lately - on the hows and whys and whens - of love, of sex, of lust, of the more basic physical instincts that men and women grapple with, of relationships. 

So much so in fact, that the subject of "love" has been amazingly neglected. Maybe what the author said was true. I suppose in many respects I have also become a little jaded and cynical when it comes to what "love" is all about anyway... I mean, what does love have to do with sex, and vice versa... Can anyone really explain it? And, when do you really distinguish between the two?

How many times have you heard people say - "When you're in love with someone, you'll just know it..." Know what? Know how? Know when? They never seem to explain "it" and most of us - I'd wager - would have a hard time verbalizing exactly what "it" is... So I ask you now - what is love? If that isn't the most open-ended question on the planet at this moment - I don't know what would be!

Throughout history reams and reams of paper and countless barrels of ink have been expended by those in search of in explanation of  love...  Shakespeare wrote "Live with me and be my love, And we will all the pleasures prove, That hills and valleys, dales and fields, And all the craggy mountains yields..." Perhaps Shakespeare knew what love had to do with "it". Perhaps if he was still alive and kicking he could enlighten the rest of us - who can say...

Hollywood has made more than its fair share of attempts at interpreting love on the big screen over the years - From Here to Eternity and Casablanca are only a few of the classic films that come to mind. Even today in this post modern century, everyone still seems to be in search of "it." I remember reading an old article in Salon magazine by Barry Sullivan, a series of essays written on spending 34 years making love to and loving the same woman... Is Mr. Sullivan an anomaly? Is long-term "love" a generational thing, and have we forgotten how it works in this day and age - or did we ever know?

I believe the sole answer to all of the preceding questions is quite simply "No." How many of us with parents still living (and still married after 30, 40, even 50 years) can look at them and know they are, in fact, truly happy - or they have never cheated - or have they just acquiesced to an existence of tolerating each other, of a life time of disengagement because being engaged with each other ceased to be a passion for them long ago... I'd bet the scales are tipped pretty evenly in that regard.

Love wins out sometimes, other times - it does not. Pity, most of us still look for the flaws in the person who loves us instead of rejoicing in their love. Selfishly, we get more interested in stuff like money, looks, age, race and so many other things that we entirely forget why we even fell in love with that person. We only want to accept and have the love we think we deserve. 

Perhaps the one thing that can be said - is that when you do happen to stumble upon love - or it stumbles upon you - and you do inexplicably know - cherish it, hold it, revel in it - because just like the weeds that invade and strangle bright blossoming gardens, love will leave you, if don't care for it...if you don't protect it..if you don't respect it.

All these musings as usual, provide more questions than answers - but that's part of life that makes you think, think, think... I hope at the very least we are continuing to do that - even if we are habitually late and ignorant in recognizing true love when it comes to us on a platter. Like someone said, being ignored by someone who's attention means the world to you is the worst feeling ever.

I am a pessimist when it comes to love but I still believe we must like living each day to its fullest all the time and find and cherish the love we find. Maybe, we should all enjoy life while you're at it! Just because the summer of love slipped away and the winter of loneliness is on the way, is no excuse for staying cooped up and forgetting how to - live...and love and try again. Try it sometime and I think you'll quickly become addicted. 

Beautiful Girls (1996)

A Stunning Cast, Great Lines and Nothing More!

Ted Demme's comedy drama ensemble piece bears a superficial resemblance to Barry Levinson's 1982 film Diner, but it's nowhere near as entertaining. As in Diner, the main characters are young male buddies who behave with exceptional ignorance around women, but unlike the guys in Diner, these fellows have few redeeming charms. 

The focal character, played by Timothy Hutton, returns to his small hometown in the north for a high-school reunion, and he catches up with his old gang of working-class cronies who still live in the town. He's having trouble making the big commitment to his girlfriend, and he hopes to sort out his thoughts during his stay, but his old friends are so hopeless in their attitudes toward women that he gets no inspiration there. 

The only person he connects with is the perceptive 13-year- old girl next door. The realism of the small-town setting and the snow-plowing business was promising, but this film didn't convince me. For one thing, so much of the comedy is out of sync with the rest of the film. At one point, for instance, Rosie O'Donnell flies through a comic monologue about the unreality of magazine superwomen, a speech that's unprovoked and, for an otherwise realistic film, unbelievable. 

Similarly, one of Hutton's friends, played by Michael Rapaport, delivers a poetic monologue on supermodels that's a funny set piece, but it's incongruous in the larger context of the film, where he's an inarticulate Neanderthal. Making Hutton's father a zombie and his brother a moron was a one-joke cop-out that was distracting and unsatisfying. 

There are only a few moments when this movie really clicks. Mostly they come in the amusing conversations between Hutton and Natalie Portman, who steals the film as the young neighbor who is wise beyond her years. She teases him, flirts, psychoanalyzes, and draws him out about his love life through Socratic dialogue, until each becomes quietly smitten with the other. The acting of Portman in these scenes is positively magical, and I wanted so much to buy it, but her character is impossibly precocious, and her part is ultimately a bogus gimmick in a script whose inner workings, and failings, are too obvious. Also starring Uma Thurman, Mira Sorvino, Lauren Holly, Matt Dillon, Noah Emmerich and Pruitt Taylor Vince.

Flirting Classes From St.Valentine!

Celebrating Valentine's Day in the New World!

Valentine's Day is just a day away but I want St. Valentine to come back. The world needs some serious love help if the recent claim proves correct that half of all men, especially the American kind have forgotten how to flirt. After all, the thing about the global village is that whatever happens in the "developed" world eventually reaches the "developing" world, in which if you hadn't noticed it - many happen to be.

Geographical borders no longer prevent anything - from Viagra, iPhone, iPad to a noxious bacterium - from leaping across seas, mountains and continents and taking root in climates where they might not otherwise flourish. Trends, fashions and fancies also reach us in due course, and when they do we're often not quite ready for them.

Take feminism for example. North Americans first awoke to this dogma in the early '60s. It grew organically from the frustrations of the post-war housewife, trapped in her suburban home with only a few new-fangled household gadgets and a horde of children to keep her company. The urge to break free from these confines took time to dawn on these women-as well as on the men who used to blow a kiss to them from the driveway before backing out the family station-wagon and heading for another day at the factory or office.

As the ideology of women's liberation gradually spread out, inspired by the writings and minds of leading women academics, writers and social activists of those days, it eventually reached the kitchens of millions of American housewives.

Today, Americans talk of a post-feminist society and men know all too well the cost of ignoring gender equality. One topical example is the fact the former President of the United States had to vigorously fight for his political life because of a sexual indiscretion that, during the pre-feminist era, would hardly have registered on the political Geiger counter.

When feminism finally arrived in the developing world during the 1980s through a few middle class academics, women had spoken about it before then but it seemed, at first, like an alien concept. And in many ways it was and still is to many folks in the developing world especially like Indians, Chinese, both women and men besides the political right wing  and conservative religious outfits.

Indians and Chinese for example had not, and have not, lived through the various birth stages of this new way of thinking, and they received it like a FedEx package that had gone astray with all the assembly instructions intact. They sort of knew what to do with the contents; it's just that they're still not quite sure how to put the damn thing together. I know many Asians would disagree but it’s an undeniable fact.

So it was with keen interest that I learned some University researchers in the US have shown that 50 percent of all American men no longer know how to flirt with women. Flirting, the study claims, is a dying art because men are wary that it might lead to accusations of sexual harassment. Apparently social scientists have noted a same trend in other parts of western hemisphere.

One wonders how long it will be before this phenomenon fully engulfs Asia - if it ever will. Asians unlike their American and European counterparts seem much less inclined to succumb to new social conventions when it comes to women.

They still live in a traditional, macho society and most of their men have a sky high self-esteem (whether they deserve it or not) that is still quite full-bodied and intact. Ask women, especially single Indian women who try to go out socially in a club or bar, how often men hit on them. It's virtually impossible for a woman to sit alone at a pub in our country without some macho ego in a slick suit or a pair of tight jeans offering to buy her a drink and take her home.

The thing about flirting - and this is what Asian men just don't seem to understand - is that it's not meant to be a method of extracting sex from a woman alone. Flirting is about letting a woman know that you're attracted to her, not just for sexual reasons, but because you find her interesting.

Women will always be suspicious of flirts as long as the primary motive is selfish. Until men everywhere understand that sex is not the only thing women have to offer, women will just make if difficult for men and if they have to scare you in the process, so they will definitely. So come back St. Valentine and make us all celebrate a happy Valentines Day.

Beauty Queens, Dinosaurs and Carnal Desires

Two weeks back or so, I impulsively participated in an online contest where you had to choose the prettiest girl who I would love to go out on a five star luxury date (and also deserved to become the next Miss Universe). Out of some dozen or so attractive and sexy women of varied colors, I randomly selected three – all tall, gorgeous and good-looking brunettes.

I did not even bother to read their names, which country they belonged to or what they did for a living - instead leaving my better judgement to what looked nice to my eyes or rather what I considered which one had the best physical attributes! Okay..now don’t get me wrong and call me a debauched lecher. With a client meeting to attend in 20 minutes, I obviously did not have the time to spare and besides, the contest had already received some 6255 entries!

Anyway, I get a call yesterday from a husky sounding woman who informs me that I am one of the lucky winners (out of the 10000 participants or so). But before you think that I have indeed won a blind date with this year’s Miss Universe 2010 – an exotic Mexican hottie named Ximena; the hard truth is a dampener – forget the first prize, I am not even amongst the top 10 winners but belong to ‘the consolation prize’ group. As evident from the name, the organizers idea of consoling me was to gift me a smart pair of jeans wear and 4 cans of foul smelling deodorants which they claim have the power to turn ON all women of the planet - crazy with carnal desires. Either, these guys had erroneously sent me 4 small cans of an insecticide or maybe, women really have weird & odd turn ons.

I come back home, switch on the telly and hop on to the Discovery channel. And what do I see – a slick documentary on courtship, sex and evolution. Have you ever been inexplicably attracted to someone completely outside your usual realm of possibilities, the host asks? It seems human beings aren't the only ones who have surprised themselves. I am told that the spiky horns and clubbed tails of dinosaurs evolved not only for protection, but to also equip them for vicious sexual battles between rival males.

In fact, it seems dinosaurs also indulged in beauty contests like humans, flaunting a bizarre array of quills, crests, ruffs and frills. The giant (and apparently mischievous) Diplodocus even sported a whip - perhaps for cracking dramatically as part of a courtship ritual!

And to prove that we did, somewhere along the line, evolve from the animal kingdom, I am told that the Hadrosaur had a one-metre high crest protruding from its head which acted like a natural trombone. Just think of the noisiest guy you know and multiply the sound by about 50. The female dinosaurs were it seems most attracted to the male Hadrosaurs with the deepest voices.

This all happened 65 million years ago. So, taking into account some million, million years of human evolution, one can only surmise from the laws of nature, that it's not entirely our fault if we pick the wrong partner. The laws of attraction it seems are now governed not only by considered choices of our own, but partly by our 'still alive' animal instinct and also by foul smelling, sex inducing deodorants. And, of course, an utterly fab denim outfit too!

Asking a Man Out?

Why a Woman Should Ask a Man Out?

What’s wrong with a woman asking a Man out? This was question posed to me by a former female colleague who was complaining that a guy she had been eyeing for months had coldly vetoed her proposal for an evening date. She felt humiliated, she rued. And she was asking me (of all people) for an answer.

I really didn’t know what to say. Maybe, she shouldn’t have asked the man out. This isn't because I believe it's the divine role or godly duty of man to do the asking out but maybe, he just didn’t like her.

Or maybe quite simply, asking out a member of the opposite sex requires the kind of self-esteem that allows you to cope with even a dash of rejection. Put another way, most of us are cowards, not willing to muster the courage to ask a man (or a woman) out. So, when we eventually make the attempt and fail, we turn into inconsolable cry babies.

And of course, being the one that's chased is not without benefits. You get to feel like royalty, you call the shots, you decide the time, you decide where to go - you can play the mystery card until you decide when to stop and you're under no obligation - after all they asked you out didn't they?

But times are a changing (I sound so old when I say that - but it's true they are!) In fact I could count how many times a very handsome friend of mine has been 'chased' in the last two years alone. Maybe it's the self-confident, assertive women who do the asking out that are starting to nab all the decent guys first. Lucky them.

If you are a woman, you may wonder why asking a guy out is such a big deal? All you have to say is, 'd'ya fancy going to the pub tonite?' Just like you would to a pal. It's not like you're offering him sex, or asking him to marry you or anything serious like that. All you're suggesting is that you get to know each other a bit better - take it or leave it.

But then let's face it; there aren't all that many warm, funny, intelligent and damn fine-looking men out there. So if you do come across one of these rare specimens, you need to get in there - quick.

And you need to be obvious. Most men don't understand subtlety. If you opt for hanging around him, fluttering your eyelashes and acting coy, he won't interpret this as flirting, he'll just think you've are a nervous tic. Perhaps, clearing the way for some other, more obvious (and self-assured) lady to steam in there. She might not be as attractive or pretty as you, but at least he'll know where he stands. Besides, confidence is a huge turn-on - show me a guy who wouldn't be flattered by the attention, and I'll show you a goddamn liar.

And finally, let’s deal with the rejection. So what if he knocks you back? Maybe he wasn't simply attracted to you - but you know what they say, one man's meat is another man's poison. Believe it or not, there are guys out there who don't fancy Angelina Jolie or Aishwarya Rai. Not many, admittedly, but you get my point. So, if you are the kind who has been recently vetoed down – don’t take it personally, put it behind you - and move onto the next one. And when the time is ripe, ask him out! You never know, he just might say YES.

What do you reckon? Should men still do the asking out? Or should sisters start doing it for themselves? [This post has been selected for this week's Tangy Tuesday Picks at BlogAdda]

A Singles Night Out

If you're bored of being single, but haven't seen anyone you fancy in months, may be you should join a hip club and visit a Singles Night. Or at least that is what I advised a lovelorn friend of mine. And I did sort of help him find his love…I know it’s a hard job but someone's gotta do it.

You don't have to be sad and desperate to go to a Singles Night, you know. I know, because I recently did accompany my friend to an exclusive ‘VIP Only’ Singles Night party, and I am neither sad nor desperate. Most of the time, anyway.

Actually, this was a superior top of its class Singles Night. A joint venture between trendy cosmetic company and even trendier pub, our VIP pass plus a fat fun fee got me and my friend a plate of fish tikka, assorted chicken snacks, a couple of drinks, a host of singing waiters, masseurs, tarot readers and astrologers, good music and guaranteed up-close-and-personal attention from loads of (apparently) single women – young teens, 30 somethings, older goldies… the whole lot. Talk about value for money.

Red, amber or green stickers were slapped on to the guests as they arrived, supposedly indicating just how single they were, exactly. Most of the women opted for amber and most of the men (who were in minority) went for green. Which says a lot about the differences between the two sexes, really.

Throwing caution to the wind, we went for …amber. It didn't make any difference, to be honest. My companion and I had no sooner ordered our snacks and found a table, than a couple of young (and drunk) women scooted over to join us. And after that they just kept on coming' and comin.

That's the great thing about going to a Singles Night – everyone there knows that everyone else is there for the same reason as they are (if you know what I mean), so any inhibitions are merrily cast to the wind. There's none of those situations you get in bars, when you think you spy a half-sexy woman looking at you, but an hour later and she still hasn't come over or winked a eye And then you realize she's actually so drunk she's gone cross-eyed. Or maybe that's just me. Whatever. Getting back to the Singles Night, the key word here is talent. Or rather, lack of it.

You see, although there were lots of women there, none of them were remotely fanciable. Trust me. They really weren't. Maybe that's because this particular party was a bit too bad for my friend, so braces, bad make up and beer-guts were the order of the day.

Looking on the bright side (and I always try to) at least some of them were hot and I did manage to hookup one for my friend (but it didn’t last more than 10 minutes). So, on the one hand, is kind of a shame. But, on the other hand, not. Oh well. Anyways, I wish him better luck next time….

10 Good Reasons Why Women Prefer Doggy Style!

Before you get too excited. Relax and read below 10 good reasons why women prefer Dogs to Husbands and Boyfriends. And if you’re a woman, maybe you’ll dump your man, get yourself a cute mutt and you’ll agree why it all makes sense.

1. Dogs are faithful companions. Your pet Labrador will never ever cheat or betray you.

2. He will never take over your TV remote, spend hours playing the Playstation or drop ciggy ash on the carpet because he's too lazy to reach for the ashtray.

3. He won't snarl at you for watching Twilight or the soapy ladies show on TV when there's football or cricket on another channel.

4. You can actually go for quiet strolls together to the park or a holiday on the beach without his head turning around in search of a hot bod.

5. He will still think you are the centre of his universe even if you grow a mustache or your diet plan misfires and you metamorphose into a baby elephant.

6. He might think a tin of Pedigree Chum is the height of haute cuisine but he will not mind you turning vegetarian, flexitarian, vegan or pescatarian.

7. Despite the whole dog's breath thing, being licked by your mutt still ain't as bad as being snogged by someone who's recently consumed a dozen lagers and a sushi dinner with hot soya sauce

8. He may pee on the floor if cooped up in the house all day, but at least he'll have the grace to look sheepish about it

9. OK if you let him sleep with you, he will fart in bed. But at least he doesn't stick your head under the duvet and shout 'you can smell the chicken tikka in that, can't you, love?'

10. He'll happily lick you all over without expecting you to do the same for him. (Although, if you actually want him to do this or feel like doing it to him, maybe you should stop reading and consider medical help).

P.S: I found these on the Web..maybe you’ll love this too.

- Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.

- Dogs miss you when you're gone and feel guilt when they've done something wrong.

- Dogs don't criticize your friends and admit when they're jealous.

- Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and then never laugh at how you throw).

- Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.

- Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence and aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.

- Dogs understand what "no" means.

- Dogs think you are a culinary genius.

- Dogs don't correct your stories.

- Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

- Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.

- Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.

- Dogs take care of their own needs.

- Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

- Dogs are nice to your relatives.

- The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)

And finally, if your Dog Strays, you can cut his balls off legally!!

Not So Happy Valentine Days

If you’ve ever been dumped on Valentine’s Day or spent the entire day gloomily checking (and re-checking) the very empty post box just in case the postman or the courier guy crept up while you weren’t looking, chances are you already view this dubious day with a healthy dose of skepticism.

But even if you’ve never experienced anything particularly bad in your lifetime of February 14th’s, if you’re a swingin’ single, chances are the day, with all its hype and sickly schmaltziness, really holds nothing but wholesome irritation!

The new year had barely begun when already we are bombarded with a barrage of Valentine’s merchandise, mostly, dare I say it, of the cheap n’ nasty variety. From the endless rows of fluffy toys clutching fuzzy red hearts emblazoned with the cringe-worthy words “I luv u” to the heart-shaped paraphernalia of every description (including heart-festooned lingerie “for her” and valentine red boxers “for him”), the message is clear: “romance” is a great way to package and sell just about anything!

Now, wherever you dare to venture, the reminders of this day, this smug ode to coupledom, are gleefuly shoved in your face. Turn on the radio or the telly, or surf the internet, and hundreds of adverts promoting the “celebration” of St. Valentine’s will coerce you to shop for cards and perfume here, roses and chocolates there.

Indeed, as I write this story, a newsletter from a national retail chain has just landed in my in-box, telling me that they’ll throw in free coffee and cookies if I spend some money on their valentine goodies at their store till Feb 21! So, am I still the only person suffering from post-new year shopping burnout?

Pity the single person going anywhere near a restaurant, coffee shop or a pub on Valentine’s Day. Concerned waiters will be “shaming” them, while sentimental maitre ‘d’s would send complimentary, “neutral” white roses their way. And if you happen to be on your own anywhere else in public, there’s sure to be the odd hand-holding couple nudging each other with embarrassment, pretending not to look.

But it doesn’t get much worse than Valentine’s Day spent at school. During my torrid high school years, some of us would anxiously check our diaries to see if the 14th would fall on a week day – desperately hoping and praying that it would not!

The reason why was that the day was always, inevitably, turned into a humiliating competition between all the boys, regardless of age or interest in the whole affair. Little cardboard hearts – white for friendship, pink for deeper interest and red, of course, denoting “love” - could be bought and “posted” throughout the day, with the recipients proudly safety-pinning them to the back lapels of their school shirt ( of course without the teachers knowing)

The varying degrees of popularity of the respective girls and boys could thus be detected at a glance, with the shamed heart-less shirts swiftly bundled up into schoolbags to be hidden from the others’ vicious, scornful laughs. Ahh, the cruelty of youth!

But then, of course, there’s also the horror of the office romance on this “day of love”. Many a startling revelation has come to the fore over the appearance of cute, heart-emblazoned coffee mugs or single, long-stemmed roses on particular co-workers’ desks during office hours.

“Who could it be?”, becomes the favored topic of conversation at the water fountains or coffee corners as jealous colleagues try to sniff out more evidence of a forbidden liaison.

It’s a terrible day, really, and more so because there are so many people out there who coin it at our expense.

I once had a lesbian friend who, feeling sorry for me one lonely year, sent me a special, hand-made “valentine” card – just too make me feel alright and convey that all women were mean! These days I’m still tempted to call the day just that because, you have to admit it, it’s got a great ring to it (though I now rather like women and wouldn’t dare imply that they’re anything less than wonderful at all times!).

Call me cynical if you will, but just remember this especially if you are a female: too much chocolate can make you feel sick…horribly sick, possibly diabetic...and fat, too!

So, if you’re single and tired of hearing or reading about sunset cruises, dinners-for-two, romantic picnics and marriage proposals, brace yourself for the side-ways looks and whispered asides and plan ahead for a day that celebrates singledom!

Here are just a few of the things that you can do on Valentine’s Day or any other day - alone!

> Go for a “man for the day” beauty treatment at your favourite salon, relishing in the fact that you’re being pampered from head to toe with absolutely no obligation to the person doing all of this (other than paying them the required fee, of course).

> Re-invent yourself! Get that haircut or permanent colour you’ve been delaying and buy yourself that fab outfit you’ve already fitted several times. Then go and drink cappucinos for the rest of the afternoon – you’ll feel so great that you’ll WANT people to look at you!

> Take the day off and catch up on all the new movies you’ve been dying to see, one after the other. Enjoy the peaceful, non-disruptive atmosphere of the cinema, for a change.

> Take the day off and get to the video store early enough to get an armful of their latest releases, watching them all in the peace and quiet of your own fabulous company.

> Take yourself out for dinner to your favourite sushi bar, ordering slowly and savouring each plateful as you read a new, glossy mag or that thick novel you’ve been putting off. Nobody would DARE stare at you at places like this!

> Act like a tourist and do things in your town that you would never normally do. Book yourself on a cultural tour or hang out at the museum or art gallery. You’ll learn something new and feel very pleased with yourself for being so cultured!

> If you live at the coast, take the day off and go to the beach with your ipod and book. By evening you’ll be exhausted and happy, so won’t really care what you end up doing!

> Start your day with an energetic workout, then treat yourself to an extended aromatherapy massage session. Nibble on healthy salads and feel great about yourself while the rest of the world over-eats on chocs.

> Buy yourself a bottle of the most expensive bubbly you can afford, crank up the volume on your favourite music and drink a toast to your fabulous freedom and wonderful self!

Or send me your Valentine's horror story since not all Valentines Days’ are a bed of roses, even when the most romantic plans have been made.

Every Woman’s Flirt Guide

A Few Rules of Attraction That Every Woman Should Know!

Did you know that female rodents wiggle their ears, flick their noses and arch their backs to send “come hither” signals to potential mates? Well, anthropologists have researched and found that human females have their own unique signals, including sultry smiles, swaying, giggling, lip-licking, thrusting out their buttocks and chests, and even wearing high-heeled shoes.

Most of us call it flirting, but the skill is in using these little cues to notify potential mates of our interest and availability. Without permission, I plundered their fascinating non-verbal dictionary for the finer points of flirting, and discovered that there are a host of factors to take into account, that should be part of every girl’s education!

The main object is to go out there and announce: “I am here … you may approach”. To achieve this you should firstly look to your clothes - use bright colors, floral prints, bold lines and geometric shapes to attract the eye, as well as jewellery – necklaces, bracelets and anything shiny to catch the light. The reasoning is that our potential mates’ “primate eyes” are programmed to notice alluring feminine body parts emphasized with tempting bright adornments. Aroma (perfume) is a turn-on, too, and a musky “animal” smell is important.

In social situations, men tend to set up “mini-territories”. They will establish an “artifact scatter” area – plonking car keys, cell phone and other personal items around their drinks and snack plates – in order to establish a “fixed courting station” and send out the message that they are available.

Women, by contrast, go “walkabout through the party space”, skirting and brushing past the stationary men. This is when a woman uses her ability to preen and use her eyes seductively as she circulates.

While presenting herself to potential male partners, there are some very important grooming signals being sent out by women, too. Hair styles, for example, say a lot about a girl like “Our hairdo is a badge of identity reflecting membership in a group”. Some points to ponder with regards to hair: clean hair is a sign of high status, good health and careful grooming; bushy hair draws attention to the face; short cuts emphasize masculine features like bony brow ridges and large jaws; long, thick hair showcases pretty eyes and lips; long hair indicates passion and lack of inhibition, while shaved heads and short hair symbolize discipline, denial and conformity.

Men are “very visual creatures in courtship”, and therefore make-up is important for concealing blemishes and highlighting youthful features. According to research “beauty’s essential template is the ‘baby face’, with taut cheeks and prominent cheekbones”. So remember that tip next time you make up for a date!

Lucky for men, a man’s wrinkles and lines actually work in his favor, giving it the aura of strength of character – so he does not need to make up for you!

Oh yes, and a word about those aforementioned high heels! Shoes with thin, elevated heels enhance the derriere, firm the leg and showcase the feminine ankle.

The combination goes to suggesting that a woman’s feet are delicate and ethereal, destabilized and not planted firmly on the ground (i.e. you need taking care of – hope the feminists forgive me for this one!!). Also, high heels shift the body’s centre of gravity forward, causing you to lean forward and resulting in “an additional 25% protrusion of the derriere”. High heels also make legs seem longer and slimmer. So, if you want to catch a man – out with the flatties!

When it comes to the ideal body shape, it seems a woman “has it made” if her waist is visibly narrower than her hips. A “deep décolletage” is also a sure turn-on.

When using body language, the idea is not to come on too strongly, but rather to issue some subtle “welcome signs”. Tilt your head towards the shoulder on either side to indicate coyness and submissiveness; use an open, uplifted palm to indicate your friendliness and vulnerability; and above all, smile, smile, smile!

Once you have his attention, you need to use eye contact to let him know that you know he feels responsive to your “come on”. Amazingly enough your eye pupils actually dilate to unconsciously telegraph sexual interest (apparently European women once used to artificially dilate their pupils with belladonna!). Mutual eye contact is very important – “as we lock eyes with a lovely face, information flows from visual areas of the cerebral cortex to the hypothalamus, which influences our sexual behavior as a ‘prime node’,” whew!

Now you can use eyelid batting, blushing, head-tossing and self-touching as messages to respond to his interest.

After all this hard work, comes the most difficult step of all – actually talking to him! If you reach this point, it is not so much what you say, but how you say it, that is important. Conversation “locks the pair into a mini-territory”, and the focus is on each other’s lips, eyes, cheeks and brows, revealing “subtle cues with which to probe the possibility of physical intimacy”.

Guard against gazing too long or powerfully into his eyes, turning your face too far to one side while talking, or pulling your lips into a thin line – these will be received as negative cues.

It is suggested that eating while you indulge in verbal communication can reduce the stress of the situation. Chewing, crunching and grinding reduce tension. Moreover, like a drug, food engages our nervous system’s calmer parasympathetic division. Not only does eating together promote relaxation, it also stimulates bonding, he says.

So, you have broken the ice over lunch, now to move on to the “tactile stage” of courtship. Touch is one of the nonverbal world’s “most rewarding experiences”. Humans are mammals and we evolved to enjoy reassuring hugs, snuggles, nuzzles and kisses in our nurturing.

The first touch – a milestone in courtship – is likely to seem casual, unpremeditated and accidental rather than serious. Be very careful how you react to his first touch; perhaps it is just a light fingering of forearm or shoulder or some other neutral body part, but remember, it is an exploratory gesture and if you pull away or tense up, he will sense your reluctance. Rather respond positively by a gentle shoulder shrug, sideward head tilt or a return touch.

As things progress in the touch department, embracing is the evolutionary correct way to say ‘I love you’”. Holding or clinging to someone is an infantile sign of needing to be mothered, so we don’t need to do that to a potential mate! Embracing, of course, should naturally move on to sealing your courtship with a kiss!

The final phase of courtship is when intimate touching crosses over to physical bonding in the form of sexual intercourse. Now, whether this involves a serious relationship or marriage is a personal choice and I will leave you to sort out your own non-verbal dictionary on that one! However, if you have come this far, you have passed this “non-verbal courting course” with flying colours, and you should be able to cope further on your own. All the best!

A Guy's Checklist for In-House Dating

Essential Face Savers Before You Invite Her In

So you've met this amazing woman and, yes, you think that this time she could, she might just be, The Special One. After days of deliberating -thoughtfully turning her business card over again and again as you toyed with the idea of just calling her, dammit! - you did just that. You called her. She put you on hold while she finished chatting to her friend ("Ohmygod, GUESS who's just called..."), and then ASKED YOU what YOU were doing on Friday night!

That was almost two weeks ago. You've almost bankrupted yourself taking her out to dinner twice in this time. And no, not to your favorite Asian joint down the road. Somewhere nice. She chose it and, uh-huh, it sure was nice. And pricey, although you did insist on paying! While the atmosphere was rather ambient, conducive to lots of lingering eye contact and hand stroking, you were still hungry afterwards because, though the food was really tasty, there was not too much on the plate to taste.

You've already been over to her place. For coffee, when she invited you up just before dawn after you'd been dancing all night at a club you both enjoy. The coffee was great - espresso; you can see she appreciates the good things in life. Then you kissed a bit, before she yawned and kicked you out. What a tease!

But you kind of like the fact that the thrill, that oh-so-tense but oooh, so delicious build-up to doing the down and dirty, is still lingering in the air between you. When you hear her voice, you feel this frisson of possibility charge through your blood. Your imagination is working over-time (which, funnily, you realize you have not been doing lately!).

You think - for the first time since you were, what, 16? - that something lasting might be nice, even good for you (your mom agrees). Too many one weekend stands can get a bit messy. And anyway, she seems like good girlfriend material, judging by the ooo-aah responses of your jealous mates. Suddenly the thought of "strings attached" seems quite appealing.

But now that you are Officially Dating, the time has come when she wants to see "where it all happens"...and YOU'RE cooking! She wants to dig into your soul by entering the secret, hallowed space that is your bachelor apartment, only recently vacated by your backpacking, world-travelling friend from your ‘varsity days’ who needed a couch to crash on while finding himself between trips. You're sure his stash of evil weed and girlie mags are still lurking somewhere in the recesses of your hideous, food and beer stained, old couch that's definitely seen better days.

You once had the services of a Maid. Your mom paid for her to clean the place when you'd just moved in "on your own", after years of living communally. Two years ago.

You think of yourself as being quite organized, actually. There's a large, hand-me-down fridge that works perfectly (except for the fact that you can't close the freezer door because it's so iced up) and a washing machine, good-as-new (read: un-used!). You have a killer sound system with kick-ass speakers, and a CD collection that's your pride and joy. There's even a colour telly, resting on an upturned box. And there's the fern one of your ex-es once gave you. Though you think it might be dead.

You're also rather proud of your most recent investment, a water bed, because a guy's gotta get a good night's sleep! It's just a pity about the fraying, red and black-striped duvet cover you've been using since you moved out of home (your mom thought it was quite masculine). Oh, and then there's the pile of comics, spanning almost a decade's worth of dedicated collecting, that also serves as a handy, if not tall, bedside table.

Face it, dude, while you and your lady friend might have hit it on really well, chances are she's not going to be as keen as you are about getting comfy on that couch for the long cuddling session you have in mind for tonight.

But perhaps I'm being too hard on you, and she's really not the type of girl who's too hung up on these sorts of things. And yes, it's YOU and not your personal space she's supposed to like!

At this stage of the dating/mating game, however, and especially if you are serious about this girl (or are at least hoping that she will stay the night), it might pay to take a long, hard look at your surroundings and put an action plan into place ahead of her visit. All women understand that men (okay, most men) are not what you might call "house proud" - you have far more important issues to worry about. But she WILL appreciate it if there are signs that you've been anticipating her arrival.

While I'm not necessarily talking about keeping a pack of tampons in the bathroom cupboard (though that would be awfully considerate!), there are a few things that'll make her feel relaxed and right at home.

Firstly, ATMOSPHERE is important. Buy scented candles, as in Lots Of. Without outlaying too much cash you'll have instant ambience that she'll find wonderfully romantic. Sort through your CDs ahead of the time and select a few that you know she'll like. Leave them casually lying by the sound system for her to "discover".

Secondly, the FRIDGE, and contents thereof, need to be addressed. While you probably won't have time to de-frost it, you certainly can ensure that it's filled with all the right things for a smooth-running evening (and/or morning/weekend/week) together.

Throw out that old smelly blue cheese (that used to be cheddar), and replace with a few bottles of fruit juice, coke cans and maybe good beer too. If you can get wine, get white and red if you don't know what she prefers (you might want to ask), but for God's sake don't get boxed wine! There's something very suave about a guy expertly opening a perfectly chilled bottle of good wine before pouring a glassful for his guest.

Since you're cooking, you'll want to make sure that you're not caught by surprise, whether it turns out you don't have the right ingredients or that you end up eating really late (and, by then, making a roast is simply out of the question). If you don't fancy yourself as a gourmet chef, then here's something easy that, while it takes really quick to prepare, can also be quite a sophisticated meal for you to claim your Italian food preferences. Pop around to your nearest supermarket and buy some fresh pasta, some tubs of good pesto and some real Parmesan that you can grate onto her plate for her. Make sure your salt and pepper grinders are full, and that you have plenty of olive oil handy (for the food, too!).

Buy some sexy, snacky things to nibble with your drinks, like chips and olives. And for dessert, if you're still eating at this stage, go for something light and simple like yogurt, fresh strawberries and cream and if you can afford it, Haagen-Dazs premium ice cream. Feeding each other dessert can be the start of a really deep and meaningful relationship, I promise!

If you're feeling hopeful, you might also want to stock up on good organic coffee, low fat milk, organic eggs, chicken sausages, etc for the morning.

Next, survey the damage in your BATHROOM. Do you have clean towels (girls HATE damp, stinky towels!)? Do you have soap (girls HATE anti-bacterial body washes!!)? While you're about it, buy an extra toothbrush - and some new toothpaste, too (you might not have any trouble squeezing the dregs out of that flattened tube!).

Now, to the BEDROOM - when was the last time you had your sheets laundered? Dirty sheets are, it must be said, an absolute turn-off! Then there's that pile of stale socks and underpants lying in the corner. Simply pop them in that washing machine that's been aching to be used! As a finishing touch, a candle or two next to the bed will solve the problem of you wanting the lights on and her wanting them off!

All that's left for you to do is pluck those stray nose hairs, put on a clean shirt and splash on some (I said SOME) of that expensive aftershave she bought you, you handsome devil, you!

Now that you are all set, good luck bro!

Why Women Rule the Earth

Forget Women Empowerment! Women are Actually in Control

It was as I was looking at a pack of ribbed, glow-in-the-dark condoms in the supermarket last week that I discovered why it is that women rule the Earth.

Sure, Barack Obama and his male presidential brethren from around the world think that they run the joint, but they don't really. The condoms told me so. My lubricated friends told this little story which all starts when humans weren't even yet humans, but their distant ancestors were just starting to run on two feet instead of four.

It was around then that human sexual attraction evolved because of the need to keep both mother and father together to take care of human babies which are notoriously the most vulnerable and helpless young in the entire animal kingdom.

Without the protection of the stronger male (let's call him Adam after), the female (let's call her Eve) and offspring were easy pickings for whatever predator happened to be around. So Eve evolved to be sexually appealing the whole year round (instead of coming into heat once a year like other mammals), and Adam hung around her nonetheless. It stayed like this for a long time. Adam was getting a little slap and tickle; Eve was getting protection and baby (Junior) grew up happily. And then repeat from the top because as long as Adam was getting sex, Eve was having more Juniors.

It was the perfect arrangement. Until along came contraception and birth control (aha, my latex buddies come into the picture), together with, and part of, the movement towards women becoming the equals of men in the functioning of society. Which throws the entire thing out of balance because Eve no longer needs Adam to take care of her and having sex no longer produces Juniors.

So what happened was that, because sex was no longer primarily about reproduction, its role in relationships had to change. And the more I thought about it, the more I realised that in modern relationships it seems that sexual attraction has become 99.9 percent of the law.

We can say what we like about people's minds and souls and how much we admire the girl next-door's arithmetic, but do we have time to care anymore? A stimulating conversation over a cup of tea and a biscuits in the morning is worthless when contrasted with great sex the night before. It's the way things are these days, because long-term relationships are no longer so important.

Which is exactly why women hold all the power. Because no matter what any man says, what every one of us really wants (even more than becoming a famous Movie star or playing Cricket for India) is a loving someone to hold us tight and take care of us and cook us an egg for breakfast in the morning.

Evolution decreed that every man will grow up knowing that he needs a partner because that's how the species stayed alive. But in the greater scheme of things women no longer need us. Of course they are genetically programmed to know that they should procreate, but for that they only need a little sperm which they can get from one night of passion without needing any commitment.

So Adam is left wondering how he can make it so that Eve will still want him. And there's the thing - it's all up to Eve. Suddenly Adam realises that if he's going to get Eve to like him, he's going to have to do what she says and dress like she wants him to and not burp in polite company. Before, it was the other way around, when men ruled the world and Eve had to do her best to attract Adam.

And that is what I learnt from those ribbed, glow-in-the-dark condoms in the supermarket: if I'm going to find someone to cook me an egg in the morning, I'm going to have to polish my shoes and….

Date Shopping @ Supermarkets!

Being single in winter is not at all the same as being a swinging solo player in the anything-is-possible summer months, when each lazy day at the beach or balmy evening hopping from cocktail bar to nightclub presents a myriad opportunities for flirting, dating and having a damned fine time.

No, winter, being generally cold and wet, tends to put a dampener on the more sociable habits of the human animal. Suddenly everyone is part of a couple. And suddenly, being available is no longer so terribly attractive. In fact, your once fellow lone rangers, now that they too have found winter snuggle mates, seem to have forgotten your existence, bar the occasional SMS inviting you over for supper ("there's too much food for just the two of us, anyway!").

Though it gets a bit infuriating being a tag-along, there's also little that's worse than pacing around your damp, quiet apartment (when you talk to yourself it echoes) late on a chilly Saturday afternoon - knowing that your coupled friends are out there playing, drinking beer and (you're certain about this one) getting a kick out of being so very, very cosy. Smug bastards!

While the virtues of being single are many, it really can be a little sad when you're the only one among your group of friends who seems to have no-one (except for your dog/cat/teddy/blankie) with whom to cuddle up against the hostile elements.

That classic axiom that goes "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" is all good and well when your pals and their new honies have a good supply of single men or women, depending on what the case may be, up their sleeves ("join us for drinks - there's someone we're dying for you to meet!").

But, unfortunately, it doesn't always work this way. The single girl or guy simply has to rely on being resourceful rather than waiting for introductions from over-eager friends - after all, what do they really know about your taste in men/women, other than what they think will be good for you!

There's nothing quite like a winter squeeze to get a person through all those bleak, potentially lonely months ahead. (If long-term is not quite your thing right now, then the same can be said for serial flirtation.) It's just a matter of finding that squeeze, that delicious single bloke or bloke-ette, amid the happy hordes of hand-holding couples.

At this time of the year, when the cocktail bars and nightclubs are all but empty, windswept reminders of wilder days, these locations should be shelved in favour of other, lesser known pick-up spots, such as the sports club (lots of hot, sweaty bodies), the cookery class (all those steaming pots and pans) and - yes - the supermarket.

Casually eyeing out the contents of a person's trolley or shopping basket can reveal vast amounts not only about their economic status or whether they're a vegan with a peculiar weakness for iced zoo biscuits, but also if they'll be eating alone this evening. It's very easy to divine if a dinner for two is on the cards - count the bottles of wine, for starters. And keep an eye open for any sign of dessert, like strawberries and cream or a generous tub of chocolate mousse (solo diners tend to opt for the dinkier tubs).

And if a shopper buys things like toothpaste and soap in bulk, or has one of those family packs of toilet rolls (or - an obvious one - disposable nappies!) swinging from his/her trolley, chances are there is a family lurking back home.

Being a trolley voyeur is also a good way to discern whether you and this potential pick-up share similar penchants in food, especially since a significant part of winter coupling involves getting cosy in the kitchen. Does he/she choose real butter over margarine? Is that olive oil extra virgin or a cheaper, generic version? Aaah, there go all the makings of a Thai green curry in that cute girl's/boy's basket!

Sometimes establishing whether the subject is attached or not entails trailing them (nonchalantly, of course) up and down the aisles of the supermarket. Sadly, doing so can easily result in disappointment, since there might be a girlfriend or boyfriend lurking in the cheese section where the lovebirds had planned to reunite.

But there are also those fortunate moments when trollies collide around corners, the perfect excuse to smile, apologise and establish that all important first contact. Hopefully it won't take too long to determine whether a particular person is available or not. If he or she is single, chances are you and your trailing have already been noticed, too - attached people make a point of making NO EYE CONTACT with anyone around them for fear of encountering potential supermarket flirts (like you).

The trick now is to ensure that you're standing in the same (long) check-out queue, where there'll be plenty of time and opportunities to exchange furtive glances or perhaps even start a conversation. If you're stuck on what to say - and depending on what he/she has in their basket - you can try something like: "My, but those are really enormous apples you have there!" or "Nice bit of sausage, that!" or "Oh, isn't smoked salmon just the sexiest food around!"

If your idle banter is well received by said individual, and if you're a brave sort, you might consider scribbling your phone number on the back of a till slip and secretly popping it into one of his/her shopping bags. And if you find your tin of hot chocolate and packet of cookies being sized up, invite him/her over to your place for a cuppa.

But whether the sparks continue to fly post-shopping or the excitement ends the minute you've loaded your groceries into the car and are headed home, there's still something to be said for the joys of supermarket flirtations.

The same can be said for any kind of flirting that happens in the safety of well-lit public spaces. Like the exchanging of meaningful stares while working up a sweat on the super circuit, or sharing notes at night classes at the Alliance Francaise, pottery course or gourmet cooking demonstration.

It's fun and it can also be quite funny - if the two of you hit it off, you'll be entertaining people with your tales of trolley trailing and squabbles over that last packet of fresh basil for years to come.

In the meantime, being a single shopper will never be the same again! Happy Shopping!

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