What Movies I Saw This Week

Obviously not pleased with so many recent posts on women and relationships, an old-time reader wrote to me if I have stopped posting on music and movies entirely. A valid question actually. So this post is a quick fix to assuage any such doubts! 

The Girl with All the Gifts (Colm McCarthy, 2016) - Never since Danny Boyle's 28 Days Later (2002) has any post-apocalyptic zombie horror movie got me hooked like this one. I was so enamored by it, I went ahead and bought myself the novel of the same name by British writer M.R. Carey, which in turn is based on his 2013 Edgar Award-nominated sci-fi short story Iphigenia In Aulis. I won't spoil it more for you other than the fact that the British make good zombie movies that combine style and substance, unlike their Hollywood counterparts. Gemma Atherton and Paddy Considine act solid but its Glenn Close and the little heroine - Sennia Nanua as Melanie who steals the show. A beautiful score by Cristo, the Chilean-born Canadian composer famous adds to the flavor. 

Clan Of The Cave Bear (Michael Chapman, 1986) - Not since Raquel Welch stepped on her mammoth-fur bikini in One Million Years BC (1966) has there been a piece of pre-historic nookie more enticing than blonde goddess Daryl Hannah in this epic adventure about a young Cro-Magnon woman raised by Neanderthals. Luckily, she doesn't have to handle any dialogue here, just grunt and groan (with subtitles) and look smashing in this irresistibly silly cavewoman flick with many subtle overtones to feminism. The script, believe it or not, is by the great John Sayles and music by Alan Silvestri. If you can withstand people dressed in neanderthal costumes and Oscar-nominated makeup talking in sign language, this box office bomb based on the best selling book by Jean M. Auel is actually a good time pass. 

The Boy Who Could Fly (Nick Castle, 1986) - Charming, if a tad overlong fantasy drama about a teenage girl (Lucy Deakins), whose father has recently died, and her attempts to help an autistic boy (Jay Underwood) who seems to think he can fly. Deakins and Underwood's empathetic performances keep the story grounded in reality, even when it becomes fanciful towards the end. Director/writer Castle isn't quite Spielberg, but he does a good job at capturing a similar sense of wonder. Watch out for Wonder Years' Fred Savage, Jason Priestley, and John Carpenter. Good music by Bruce Broughton. For those who don't know, Nick Castle played Michael Myers in John Carpenter's Halloween (1978) and also co-wrote Escape From New York (1981). 

The April Fools (Stuart Rosenberg, 1969) - Jack Lemmon is caught in a comedy of romantic errors in this bright farce about a wall street broker who falls for a stunning woman (Catherine Deneuve) who turns out to be the wife of his boss, brilliantly acted by Peter Lawford. The two try and run off together, amid all kinds of complications. Wildly out of control at times, this romantic comedy directed ably by Cool Hand Luke's Stuart Rosenberg has enough of a lunatic edge to keep you interested and give a lesson or two about being caught up in a loveless marriage. The stellar supporting cast includes Sally Kellerman, Charles Boyer, Jack Weston, and Myrna Loy. 

Equalizer 2 (Antoine Fuqua, 2018) - In this fourth collaboration between Denzel Washington and Antoine Fuqua and much-awaited sequel to the 2014 hit, things go quickly downhill from a rather very impressive start that promises so much potential to a faltering weak film by the time it ends. Denzel Washington's acting is top notch as usual but a stupid "in your face" unsuspenseful script, unnecessary characters, and too much sugary sentimentality robs this vigilante thriller of any redeeming factors. A stormy weather setup that's outlined right from the beginning ends up like a joke in the climax with preposterous sequences. I had a nagging feeling if the first half and second half were directed by two different individuals. Its anybody's guess, which one was Antoine Fuqua but who cares anyway, when this movie has already crossed over $184 million since its release. Strictly for Denzel Washington fans. 

How It Ends (David M. Rosenthal, 2018) - This Netflix dystopian thriller got my attention because it had a nice trailer, it had Forest Whitaker and also because I have a perennial appetite for all "end of the world" movies. I should have trusted the negative reviews though, a terrible film and a sheer waste are what many warned. I won't say its as awful as the reviews make of it, its pedestrian in the pace of course but shot very well, the acting by Theo James, Whitaker and co are also not as bad but where its utterly fails is the pacing and final pay off. The mystery of what really happened or how the world has ended or is ending is never explained. Not explained at all actually. I guess they wanted to make a sequel where the mystery will be deciphered but the way "how it ends" and the kind of negative publicity it has already received, I think that noble idea must have already been shelved. As long as you are willing to see a dystopian road movie with a sense of perpetual dread and don't mind an inconclusive ending, How It Ends is an ok watch but insipidly boring nonetheless.

Exclusive Interview with Brian Stewart

Meet the force behind "Jake and the Giants (2015)", one of the best indie animated movies of the year.

To find an indie animated movie for small kids is a rarity these days. "Jake and the Giants" may not be your typical Disney fare but it has its heart at the right place and an inherent innocence in its characters. And good folks like Brian Stewart make it possible. Brian not only helped producing it but also wrote the script and helmed the beautifully composed music and songs. 

Brian Stewart is a writer, composer  and producer, known for A Federal Case (2008), Sugar Baby (2011) and Inside Out (2011) besides the super group Northern Light Orchestra.  A native of Bay Village, Ohio; he  is a graduate of University of Arizona  where he studied screenplay writing and drama. Brain is also the author of the popular children’s television show - Adventures of Donkey Ollie which is shown on many  popular cable and satellite stations throughout the  world.  The Forty Tales of Donkey Ollie is a popular books series having been translated for Ethiopia and Mozambique by Aberle Film Group  and  this is currently being taught to young children as part of an ongoing sports camp outreach.

Along with Ken Mary, former drummer for the Alice Cooper Band,  Brian also plays keyboards and writes song  for the  Christmas themed superband – Northern Light Orchestra which features musicians from popular Heavy Metal and Classical rock groups such as Kansas, Korn, Megadeth, Beach Boys, Def Leppard  and many others. Their hit song “Celebrate Christmas” has been featured on many well known radio shows including Dee Snider’s and Alice Cooper’s  weekly radio show.

Brian Stewart works as the  program director for Boat Angel Outreach Center which also produces the episodic television show "Hollywood Makeover” a series geared to helping high school and college students learn about independent film making.

Here's a small chit-chat with Brian on his role in the making of Jake and the Giants.

1. You seem to have an eclectic career transcending music, writing, TV and movies. How do you get to blend this all and why? 

My favorite writing combines my love of songwriting and story writing. It is nice to combine the both it works especially well in children’s animation as the songs can drive the story forward and give the director an area for his or her personal vision. 

2. How did you begin writing? Did you intend to become an author, or do you have a specific reason or reasons for getting into writing? 

First time I remember was 7th grade my teacher put a bunch of words on the blackboard and said make a poem. I did and I loved it. And that's how it all started,

3. How did you end up writing Jake and the Giants and what were the challenges you faced while writing it? 

It was a gift to a film Company in India - Laughing Lions. When they were not able to produce it, we pitched in and decided to do it ourselves as we loved the idea. We trimmed it down a bit as we did not have as big of a budget as they did but we are glad, it still came out to our satisfaction.

4. Tell us a little more about Jake and the Giants and genesis behind it? 

It is based on the everlasting story of David and Goliath.. The small can overcome the big when their heart and cause is right. Evil does sometimes win but it will never triumph over good. Our kids need to realize this basic concept of good vs evil. 

5. What do you think makes Jake and the Giants a special kind of a kids movie? 

I think the characters are unique a little like the Dutch Paint Boy and the Jolly Green Giant with a bit of an Irish feel to the clothes and a Maxwell Parish color scheme. For an indie budget, we created a distinctive look, plus how can you miss out the flying Monkeys. 

6. How was it to compose music for Jake and the Giants ? How would you rate your work? 

With my musical background, it was rather easy getting the song keys but it was a challenge getting the right singers and musicians. This work is close to my heart so I would rate it one of my best. 

7. When did you start composing film music - and what or who were your early passions and influences? 

I loved the theme for Chariots of Fire by Vangelis and have always loved the theme song Beauty and the Beast. My first favorite was the song from Sound of Music.. the Hills are Alive I learned a lot of that soundtrack in college while studying jazz. 

8. What do you personally consider to be incisive moments in your musical career?

There are incisive moments all the time. I mean, it is always developing as you go from project to project and when you go back to listen to some of them you sometimes say.. “Wow, I don’t remember writing that but is seems to work well with the show.” “I feel fortunate to work with a great producer Ken Mary who makes everything sound great. 

9. What, to you, are the main functions and goals of good scripts and film music and how would you rate their importance for the movie as a whole?

Wow, that is a hard question. The story has to be unique.. You have to care about the characters, the villains can be bad but they have to be more than one dimensional and they definitely cannot be stereotypes.. There must be something likable in everyone. No one is all good or all bad. The music gives the characters a chance to stretch out to show who they are. Sort of like the office party when you learn the secretary has a great set of pipes and can belt out a mean Christmas Carol or your boss can do a great impression of an actor. 

10. What do you think is the harshest reality for indie film makers and producers? 

The reality is you are the small guy. You are up against a machine that has billions and billions and want not just the majority but wants everything. They want every screen, every TV station, every spot on every shelf and they are looking to keep their market share and have no problem crushing everyone who gets in their way. It is like our story the corporations against the indies. The thing is you do it anyway because that is who you are and that is what you do. If you get lucky you get lucky, if not you know you gave it your best shot. If you don’t try what do you get ….Nothing.. So you try you get better at what you do and with help from the good Lord above sometimes you might get your lucky break.

Know more about Brian Stewart on his IMDB profile here or visit the Jake and the Giants website. And here's a trailer for your viewing pleasure! 

Jake and the Giants (2015)

You're indeed never too small !

My friends at Boat Angel family films have made a genuinely pleasant and kid friendly fantasy adventure for children of all ages or lets say anyone young at heart. 

Jake and the Giants directed by Kent Butterworth may not have the big budget of your typical Hollywood animated blockbuster but it has all it takes to appeal to young kids. Watch the trailer below or hop on IMDB and learn more! Support independent cinema! 

Watch out for Jake and the Giants at the American Film Market between November 4 - 11 at Santa Monica and help spread the word! 

What I Saw Last Night - 6 Movie Reviews

Its been a busy month but here are some of the films that have kept me awake.

Armored (Nimród Antal, 2009, Crime, Thriller) - With a stellar cast comprising Matt Dillon, Jean Reno, Skeet Ulrich, Lawrence Fishburne, Fred Ward and more, this should have been a winner. Yet, this 2009 heist gone wrong thriller of Armored Guards making the perfect robbery has an uncanny feeling of “been there, done that” throughout its 90 minutes runtime. However, if you have nothing else to do and are willing to ignore the countless clichés, it’s a not so boring time passer. This is a dissapoitment considering its from the same director who gave us the Kate Beckinsale horror film Vacancy (2007) and the superb but dark Kontroll (2003). 

Der Baader Meinhof Komplex / The Baader Meinhof Complex (Uli Edel, 2008, Crime, Thriller) - Based on the best selling book of the same name by Stefan Aust, this is a sensational piece of German cinema chronicling the rise of the left wing Baader Meinhof (Red Faction) radical group that was famous in the 1970s and the 1980’s for staging audacious arson attacks and bombings in West Germany and beyond. With spotloss performances from it stars Moritz Bleibtreu, Martina Gedeck and Johanna Wokalek and a water tight screenplay, this is a pleasure to watch. No reason why this was nominated for an Oscar under the Best Foreign Language Film in 2008. Truly unmissable. 

Lucky Luciano (Francesco Rosi, 1974, Crime, Drama) - This Italian-American co-production was a disappointing attempt to cash in on the Godfather craze of the early '70s. The talented Francesco Rosi, known for capturing detail in his films, here uses authenticity to his disadvantage. The movie plays like a mediocre documentary. It is disjointed, with frequent crosscutting between New York and Italy and unannounced flashbacks and flash forwards. Gian Maria Volante, a very good actor, does a credible job here as Luciano when he speaks Italian, but when he speaks Brooklynese English his voice is poorly dubbed.

Peggy Sue Got Married (Francis Ford Coppola, 1986, Comedy, Fantasy) - Never has Coppola been so lighthearted and romantically bittersweet as in this candy-colored retro fantasy that was nominated for three Academy Awards including Best Actress, Best Cinematography and Best Costume Design. Kathleen Turner delivers an impressively nuanced performance as a soon-to-be-divorced woman who goes back in time to the '50s at her high school reunion. Suddenly she's a cheerleader dating her future husband again (played with false buck teeth and unintended Pee Wee-isms by Nicolas Cage). What would Peggy Sue do if she could change her destiny? Funnier, flakier and more poignant than the similar Back To The Future (1985). Kevin J. O'Connor makes an impressive debut as the wild-eyed, poetry-spouting Kerouac clone Peggy Sue secretly desires. 

The Servant (Joseph Losey, 1963, Drama) - In his first collaboration with playwright Harold Pinter, exiled director Losey creates a stunning surrealist look at power plays and decadent perversity in the relationship between a handsome, very proper member of the British upper crust (James Fox) and his seemingly dutiful manservant (Dirk Bogarde). All runs smoothly in their tasteful townhouse until the arrival of Bogarde's so-called "sister" (played with youthful sensuality incarnate by a nubile Sarah Miles). Then all hell breaks loose, including the notorious concluding orgy scene. A distinctive ever roving camera, brilliant performances and psycho-sexual dynamics with homo erotic overtones make this one of Losey's best. 

Under Fire (Roger Spottiswode, 1983, War, Drama) - A gravel-voiced Nick Nolte stars as a photojournalist asked by Nicaraguan Sandinistas to photograph their murdered leader as though he were alive to save their cause. This easy-to-swallow primer of Nicaraguan Revolution that toppled the Somoza regime has lots of great kinetic action complemented by a great Jerry Goldsmith score. Cinematography by John Alcott (who shot Kubrick's Barry Lyndon) is consistently inventive. Good peripheral performances from Gene Hackman, Ed Harris, Jean-Louis Trintignant and Joanna Cassidy (who has a stunningly cool-sensual presence) make this a solid political thriller along the lines of Costa Gavras' Missing (1982).

Hercules (2014)

Strictly for Rock Fans, JohnnyTwoToes tells you why!

I was overruled by my wife who INSISTED that we see Hercules OVER Guardians of The Galaxy. It seems she does not think she could get past a talk raccoon with the voice of Bradley Cooper. But she can look past Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson battling a 3 or 4 headed wolf and an abnormally large lion with an indestructible hide, a multi-headed hydra beast and so on an so forth? I guess when you look like The Rock and you are a female you can look past anything. I can look past almost anything when it comes to Jessica Biel, so there! 

Hercules is the latest film by Brett Ratner, the man who brought us the Rush Hour films with Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. Most of his films have a standard amount of humor and Hercules is no exception. In this latest incarnation, the mysterious persona of Hercules may or may not be true but Hercules and his band of merry mercenaries don't seem to mind and use it to their advantage. When called upon to rescue King Cotys (John Hurt) and his empire from the evil Tydeus and his army, Hercules and his cohorts get more than they bargained for as they find out things are not as they seem. Most of which are just set pieces for characters to scream and give speeches about seizing the day for glory on the battlefield. 

The casting of Hercules is excellent with Johnson as the title role, Hurt, Ian McShane, Rufus Sewell, Joseph Fiennes, Tobias Santelmann, Peter Mullan, Rebecca Ferguson and Ingrid Bolso Berdal. All of these performers do well in their roles. There is a nice dose of humor and writers Ryan Condal and Evan Spiliotopulos spread the jokes pretty evenly to all of the characters. But, I found myself more interested in the simply stunning Ingrid Bolso Berdal as Atalanta, the Amazonian archer who has enough sexual charisma for 3 films. Fortunately for me, she was a good guy and did not have to meet a horrible end as the bad guy does. When Berdal is on screen for me, everyone else simply paled in comparison, even The Rock. The Rock is an underrated actor and he does have the ability to carry a film even as mediocre as Hercules. 

This is not a bad film and no one embarrasses themselves but there are enough cliches that I began to look at my watch about half-way through. I mean, how many training montages set to music do we have to sit through as Hercules and his warriors transform a bunch of ragtag losers into a fierce fighting army? How many double crosses do we have to endure? There were some that were so obvious that they were as noticeable as floats in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Really! Still, to say Hercules was awful would not be true. 

The acting is competent and Fernando Velazquez's score is boisterous fun and Dean Spinotti's cinematography has some shots that take your breath away. You could do far worse for a lazy, hot Sunday afternoon. Am I recommending this? Not quite. Only because I know there are other films out there that are far better. But if you have to see something that requires little brain power and has some fun then Hercules could be for you. As Robin Williams once said, "Not all films can be Shakespeare." Hercules-**1/2 out of 4

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013)

JohnnyTwoToes loves the second installment of The Hobbit trilogy

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug is the second film of the second trilogy by Peter Jackson from The Hobbit books and although these films are long, for me they are hardly ever boring. let us not forget that this was the fourth highest-grossing film of 2013 making it the 24th highest-grossing film of all time. It also grossed $209 million worldwide on its opening weekend itself.

This second trilogy is the story of Bilbo Baggins as a titular young man who has come into possession of The Ring of Power which is now starting to effect Bilbo. Every time he uses is it takes him a little longer to regroup his senses. As their quest continues, almost all of the originals are back including Gandalf The Grey who seems to take his leave at the worst possible moments for the group only to return at the best time, as well. 

The second film picks up as our heroes are continuing their journey to reclaim their homeland of Erebo. In doing so they must find a stone called the Arkenstone (No relation to David Arkenstone). The Arkenstone is being held by Smaug, a fire breathing dragon who appetite for carnage is only matched by his love of gold. The voice is provided by Benedict Cumberbatch and his work is terrific, here. 

Since these films are mostly chase pictures with the Orcs and other hideous creatures chasing our heroes there is really not a dull moment. Jackson knows how to frame the action and the choreography is excellent. But these are not just action films. They are well written films, too that are thoughtful, noble and intelligent. Usually the more people you have working on the same scripts the worse the scripts are. Too many cooks in the kitchen, so to speak. Here, Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson and Guillermo del Toro have written a great script for a film that, aside from the the characters, does not have much to do with the novel series by J. R. R. Tolkien. They have created a new and exciting film that is fresh, inventive and loads of fun. 

I especially like Martin Freeman as Bilbo. He is a fine actor who had some big shoes to fill after Ian Holm played the elder Bilbo in the first Lord of The Rings trilogy. Freeman's Bilbo is strong, smart and brave as he and his friends battle no shortage of villains. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug does introduce a new character named Tauriel played by the lovely Evangeline Lilly and she is as gracefully elegant as she is dangerous.The film has a big build up for the climax that will leave you hanging until December of this year when the third and final chapter is released. 

The original luster may have worn off The Hobbit films, for some but I have enjoyed all of these films and found them to be worth watching even if they are extremely long. Just because we become familiar to the plots and devices of the plots does not mean they lose any of their freshness. Quite the contrary. 

Howard Shore provides another fantastic score as he has done for all of these films and Peter Jackson has been wise to keep Shore coming back. Shore's scores help whisk the viewers off to the world of The Hobbit in grand style and director Jackson has created a beautifully dark and mysterious world. The detail, especially when Smaug is introduced, is phenomenal and simply awe inspiring. The visual feast that is The Hobbit films are equally matched with great writing and flawless acting. With Jackson AND Guillermo del Toro behind the camera I know we are in for a treat. The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug- ***1/2 out of 4

The Kid (2000)

A feel good movie that doesn't really feel good!

Most people find it easier to run from their true selves than to turn inside to seek the certainty of their life. Well imagine that your inner child literally shows up on your doorstep in the form of yourself at the age of ten and that's Disney's The Kid. 

Considering the Disney association, this Saturn award nominated fantasy comedy directed by National Treasure Director Jon Turteltaub has a dramatic theme that is the clear driving force to this piece. And that is a simple message: "You must conquer you demons or they will chase you for the rest of your life."

Russell Duritz (Bruce Willis) is a forty year old, unmarried, successful image consultant for high priced entertainers and politicians. He is only out for himself and treats anyone he comes in contact with like dirt. He has every material thing he has ever wanted and some power to wield. Still, there is one important thing that has eluded him all his life. That is a healthy inner relationship with himself that could give him the last and most important piece of the puzzle. And so one day, the Kid magically appears.

At their first meeting Russell (Willis) feels like the kid (a splendid Spencer Breslin) represents some really bad hallucinations that some powerful psychiatric drugs could cure. There is only one problem. The kid is not a hallucination but a person that everyone around him see too. This is where the Disney magic comes in. All twenty minutes of it! Kids seem to find it funny when a kid cries for attention or breaks stuff that in turn makes a grown-up look stupid. 

Russell (Willis) tries at first to conceal the identity of the Kid by ignoring him, but when that doesn't work he starts to introduce him as his nephew. His business assistant Amy (Emily Mortimer) is one of the only normal, sweet and beautiful people in his life but he cant seem to realize her real worth. When she is introduced to the Kid, she instantly falls in love with the innocence that the Kid possesses. This naivety makes Russell try to figure out on his own why the Kid has returned and why he won t leave. In the process he is pointed to one traumatic event that he never dealt with when he was younger. 

This wants to be a feel good movie and to a great extent it actually is. However, you still get a nagging feeling that it could have been a way better. Take for instance the acting of Bruce Willis. Its evident, Willis had lost that comedic flare of his eighties on-screen persona much before and he seems to struggle here and Lily Tomlin, who has some great deliveries, is sadly underutilized.

A kids movie this is not and perhaps the reason why this movie received mixed reviews on release. Some studio freak probably changed this movie to fit that category, because that's what the all mighty dollar said.  Considering this film tackles a very important subject for any adult to ponder, this could have been a great dramedy if the script written by Audrey Wells was handled more correctly. Nonetheless, the loose ends are tied up nicely at the conclusion and, if you can get through the first hour, the next one might even impress you. If a ten year old showed up at my door tomorrow, I definitely tell him to stay away from this Disney movie. Long live Pokemon.

I, Frankenstein (2014)

JohnnyTwoToes reviews 2014's most insipid monster fantasy so far 

You know you are in trouble when you are laughing about five minutes into a film. That was my reaction to I, Frankenstein (2014) - an absolute total and complete waste of celluloid, and remember I had a similar experience a few weeks back with another prize for the pooper scooper, Pompeii. So that is saying something. 

Aaron Eckhart is the title character (that is ADAM Frankenstein to us) who, in modern day London, stumbles across an age old battle between the Gargoyles that adorn buildings across the globe and Demons. Gargoyles are actually angels and demons are.... actually..... demons. Adam is sought after by both clans for a variety of different reasons. NONE of which did I care a hoot about. 

The Demons are led by the nefarious Prince Naberius (Bill Nighy), a slimy sleaze looking to populate his army of empty souls with the essence of a soul-less Adam. Only then will Naberius and his army defeat the Gargoyles. If you are not shaking your head by now then, you might like this film. But, wait I am just getting started. The Gargoyles are led by Queen Leonore (Miranda Otto) and although they are "the good guys" we know that neither team is completely innocent. To perfect the potion that will reanimate Naberius's ghouls is a beautiful scientist, Terra (Yvonne Strahovski) and let me just say she is beautiful. 

Nothing in I, Frankenstein makes any sense and since the dumb film is only 90 minutes they don't waste any time on those pesky little details like two dimensional characters, a sense of real detail to the fantasy world, plot development on how the battle started and how it has been kept secret from the average Janes and Joes of England. Nope, no time for that crap when we gots a whole lotta stuff to tear up. 

There is the whole subplot of the two clans battling for a journal that took the original Dr. Frankenstein YEARS to put together. The journal. that no one can make sense of for hundreds of years, holds the key to the formula that Naberius needs. It takes the lovely Dr. Terra a few scant minutes to figure out what has taken centuries to create and discover in the journal. She is sooooooo smart, yet she can't see what is painfully obvious to EVERYONE watching, that Naberius is a cold, calculating, murderous SOB. She also can't seem to pick a decent place to live, either. Her apartment is a rundown shack that barely has any walls or even drywall. The place is a filthy pig stay that only a poorly written character in a poorly written film would live in. There is no way ANYONE would live there. I thought doctor's made decent money. Ya mean, she can't find a Motel 6 anywhere? 

The battle sequences between the Gargoyles and the Demons are pathetic, as well. The only thing that distinguishes who is getting killed are beams of white light emitted from the Gargoyles and flames that shoot out from slain demons that look like those heartburn commercials for Pepcid AC. The end result Naberius's plan is never FULLY explained. They must be trying to buy up all of the crappy real estate as where their good doctor is living in. 

Aaron Eckhart, who started out in decent, independent films like In The Company of Men, Your Friends and Neighbors and Thank You For Smoking has now started picking parts that will render him to the trash heap of history in Hollywood. With a slew of films that have been lousy, at best, including the disappointing Olympus has Fallen (a sequel is in pre-production called London Has Fallen and NO. I am not making that up) I, Frankenstein is not going to help get his once promising career back on track. His Adam is about as sharp as wet leather and even the lovely Miranda Otto is on auto pilot. Bill Nighy is simply playing the same character he has played in the Underworld films and cashing a check. 

The script and direction by Australian born Stuart Beattie (based on the graphic novel by  Kevin Grevioux) is insultingly bad with lines of dialogue like the laugh inducing, "I thought it was the end. But it was only the beginning." Seriously? This is the best he can come up with? Oh and lest I forget that acting maven, Jai Courtney, who graced us last year about this time with the enragingly bad latest installment of the Die Hard series. He does not fair any better in this film, either. 

The score by German film score duo Reinhold Heil and Johnny Klimek is a good action score but it plays throughout the film and seems to never end so any dramatic or emotional elements seem to be meaningless. Still, the score is worth purchasing but that is all. If there is a sequel, maybe they can pit hordes of nasty Travelocity Gnomes against an army of the slithering Geico Gekkos. Now THAT I would pay to see, before I sit through this pile of trash, again. I. Frankenstein-* out of 4

47 Ronin (2013)

JohnnyTwoToes calls this big-budget flop a travesty of Samurai films

Before I watch a film, I try to do some research on its history, so to speak; material it is based on, production, filming and its cast and crew. 47 Ronin has had a troubled production from almost the start of filming. Costing a stunning 175 million dollars and grossing a paltry 39 million in the United States is not an auspicious beginning for director Carl Rinsch. Now to be fair, 47 Ronin did end up grossing 155 million worldwide but it still is regarded as a failure. Rinsch has only been involved with creating 3 or 4 short films and that is it and his titles have been either first or second assistant director and producer. Not much of a resume to be coughing up 175 million on a film. 

47 Ronin is based on a true story, although Rinsch's film has taken some liberties with some of the elements of the true story. Most notably a shape shifting female witch. The true story behind the film is that a band of masterless Samurai in the early 18th century, exact revenge on the man responsible for the death of their leader. The details are voluminous and, if you are interested you can Google or Wikipedia it, as it is a lot of reading but you get the picture. 

Apparently, Universal was so displeased with what director Rinsch had completed that they wrestled the film from him and completed the editing and post production on their own dime and time. First of all, these studios HAVE to start making wiser decisions on who to give hundreds of millions of dollars to. Secondly, ENOUGH WITH THE 3D!! 2013 (and now 2014) saw bad films from accomplished directors or novices who managed to spend an unGODLY amount of money on films that were, shall we say about as much fun as passing a kidney stone. 47 Ronin is one of those films. 

In spite of a great cast and the monumental budget, this film is so uninteresting that it disrespects the very people it tries to pay homage to. Keanu Reeves is Kia and he is a 'half breed' who is consistently spat upon by the Samurai that live in the village. Kia, of course, is a master of the sword himself but that matters not to the others. Reeves's character, Kia, according to the true story is supposed to be half British but my dog, Lucy is more British than Keanu is in this film. 

As the film progresses, it goes from bad to worse with one dimensional characters, thanks in part to a very poor script by Chris Morgan and Hossien Amini that is dull, dreary, and uninteresting even though it tries to be anything but that. Morgan and Amini have amassed a long list of thoughtful and intelligent scripts from Drive to The Fast and The Furious films. So I know they can write. What has happened to 47 Ronin is a travesty. Despite its nobelist intentions, this film is excruciatingly slow (at a runtime of 118 minutes) and boring with not one character I found the least bit worthy of screen time. 

While I look for the musical score in every film I watch, Ilan Eshkeri's score although it is excellent, is nonstop through most of the film. Rinsch's efforts to make the film an emotional one by cramming it almost from start to finish with Eshkeri's music suffocates it and never can the viewer soak up the emotion that the film maker's want us to feel. Instead, 47 Ronin is a slow death from a thousand cuts. 

If you want to see a good film about Samurai warriors you can brush up on just about anything from Akira Kurosawa to Edward Zwick's terrific film The Last Samurai with Tom Cruise. That's right. I said it....Edward Zwick's TERRIFIC film with TOM CRUISE, The Last Samurai. Skip 47 Ronin and save two hours of your life. Instead, watch some of the other Samurai films I have mentioned or take a few classes trying some underwater basket weaving classes. Even maybe take a cross country ballroom dancing course. 47 Ronin-*1/2 out of 4.

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

JohnnyTwoToes finds the charisma missing in this second installment

Thor : The Dark World picks up several months (maybe even years) after the last film ended. Thor (Chris Hemsworth) has gone back to Asgard to try and salvage peace among the Nine Realms that are seemingly always at war with SOMEONE. Jane (Natalie Portman) and Darcy (Kat Dennings) have gone to England to do further research on the unknowns of space and time with their teacher Eric Selvig (Stellan Skarsgard). When Darcy and her new intern, Ian find some kind of wormhole in an abandon warehouse in England that is when the proverbial crap hits the fan. Soon the Dark Elves have awoken, not in the best of moods and battle for the Aether that has possessed Jane for some reason. Thor must return to try and save the Earth and the Nine Realms. 

I was not that impressed by the first Thor film. It had its moments and was not a bad film, I just did not get into it as much as everyone else did. I did however, thoroughly enjoy The Avengers which was a great film. Thor: The Dark World has some of the same elements as the first film as well as some fairly clever comedy sprinkled throughout. It also has some references to other characters from The Avengers that are kind of clever, as well. Where I seem to loose interest is when the film gets bogged down with so much detail we don't need about the Aether, the Nine Realms, the coming alignment of the Nine Realms, all of the scientific mumbo jumbo that is spewed throughout this film and the film's heavy reliance, once again on visuals. 

Thor: The Dark World joins the lists of countless other big budget films that are overstuffed with snazzy visuals, extravagant production values and sets. These films then suffocate and become as stale as the croutons in my cupboard. The Avengers, Captain America, the Iron Man franchise all are heavy on the production side of the film BUT they have intelligent scripts that incorporate the visuals in a matter that enhance the story rather than stifle it. They also have interesting characters that interact with the visuals in a convincing way so that we accept the visuals as part of the story and even as a character in itself. 

No one seems to be having any fun in Thor 2. Alan Taylor, who replaced Patty Jenkins as director in 2011 siting 'creative differences', had only directed Ian Holm in The Emperor's New Clothes(2001) as his biggest film. He has only 3 or 4 directed films on his resume, still he shows promise as a director and Thor 2 does have it moments, as well. There are some funny bits but as soon as we start getting into the characters and the story, here comes another special visual effect to break the magic. 

Natalie Portman looks like she would rather be anywhere but here and as I read some of the background on the production of Thor 2, she was so angry that Patty Jenkins was replaced and she tried to get out of the film until the studio reminded her she was under contract. I guess she saw what was coming. 

Thor 2 to its credit is a nice looking film and the visuals and production values are no doubt impressive. They have put some thought into the details of creating a fresh new world(s) on how the Nine Realms looks - the Dark Elves are truly malicious looking and the action is well staged. The problem is the script is heavily weighted on things most of the viewer (myself included) could not understand or even care about. I mean we get overall but it is detail overkill. For that I place the responsibility on director Taylor and script writers Christopher Yost, Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely with the story by Don Payne and Robert Rodat. It is simply a little too much. 

Thor: The Dark World is a nice attempt and does some things well, is well acted and Brian Tyler's score is a lush orchestral score that fits the film nicely. It is too bad that it is all dressed up with nowhere to go. Thor: The Dark World-**1/2 out of 4

This is the End (2013)

JohnnyTwoToes is so so hugely disappointed with this misfire!

I must say I was stunned by this film. This Is The End is the newest film from Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg and if they thought people where going to laugh at this film then I must not know what funny is. The cast all play themselves as they converge at James Franco's home for a party. Until that is, the Apocalypse happens and literally all hell breaks loose and the group has to band together to survive while staying at Franco's place. 

With a cast that has Rogen, Franco, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, Craig Robinson and Emma Watson (yes, Hermione from the Harry Potter franchise) along with countless other cameos from Paul Rudd to Michael Cera to Rihanna this film should have been a laugh riot. I sat unmoved by anything that happened on screen. Who thought this was funny?

I am definitely no prude, but I have never seen such a gratuitously and unnecessarily vulgar film as bad as This Is The End. There was not one chuckle, not one moment of freshness in this film. If you want to enjoy watching people yell, curse, hurl vile and disgusting comments about perverse sex acts back and forth and for good measure watch people get stoned then this is your kind of film. Stoner films can be done well. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is a perfect example. Dazed and Confused is another example. I can still appreciate a clever and wit film about people who do get high. Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle is another example of how to do a stoner comedy. Sadly this wasn't one.

This Is The End was written by Rogan and Evan Goldberg who also did the screen story based on a short film "Jay and Seth Vs. The Apocalypse". If it was unintelligible as a short film of nine minutes, it is even worse at almost 120 minutes. The film is quite content to let the actors play themselves but they come across as a bunch of jerks. Who would want to hang out with these guys? Is this the image they want to go for. It tries to make a point towards the end of the film about being a good person, but it is too little, too late.

And to soil little Emma Watson in this film is unconscionable. She is however, old enough to know better but she is trying to break the image of being a wholesome little girl. This is not the film for her to break that image. I get that. There is a whole scene as the guys discuss the "Rapey Vibe" when Ms. Watson enters the house. It is not funny, but offensive especially to women who have been victims of rape. 

There is nothing that works in this film, with the exception of Henry Jackman's score. Except for a scene or two, the actors come out as jerks, the script is nonsensical and the film has NO redeeming qualities what so ever. How this garnered the rave reviews it received is beyond me. It cost about 32 million dollars to make it (Rogan and Goldberg asked for more) and brought in over 100 million at the box office. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that. I might have to amend or expand my 'Best and Worst' list of 2013 to throw this piece of crap in there. Do not waste your time. This Is The End-* out of 4

The Best Films of 2013

JohnnyTwoToes compiles the Best Movies of 2013 

2013 did end a month and a half back but there is still time for the lists. In this case, the Best Movies of 2013! Since I have not seen ALL of the big films I will give my own lists of the 5 best and the 5 worst films that I HAVE seen in 2013. So get your cards and there will be a quiz on this tomorrow. Actually, no but read'em and weep. First the 5 best films of 2013.  

5. CAPTAIN PHILIPS - At number 5 is Paul Greengrass's Captain Phillips with Tom Hanks. I have to pen a review for it, but suffice is to say that Tom Hanks shows why he is one of Hollywood's finest actors and director Greengrass has yet to disappoint me with one of his films. Captain Phillips is a riveting and effective thriller based on the true story of a cargo ship taken over by a band of Somali pirates (Maersk Alabama hijacking). The script, direction and Hanks propel this film which pulsates humanity and intelligence in Billy Rays' script based on Captain Richard Phillips' own book of the 2009 incident with Stephan Talty "A Captain's Duty: Somali Pirates, Navy SEALs, and Dangerous Days at Sea"

4. DESPICABLE ME - At number 4 is the Pierre Coffin and Chris Renaud directed Despicable Me 2, a 3D computer animated sequel but every bit as endearing and charming as its blockbuster predecessor. This time Gru, the girls and his minions battle a new super villain that is planning to turn Gru's minions into blue eating machines that devour anything in their path as they are unleashed on the world. Kristen Wiig voices Gru's girlfriend, and she is a total delight. Steve Carell, Russell Brand, and Miranda Cosgrove reprise their voice roles too. Rarely do sequels work as well as the original, but Despicable Me 2 is an exception; clever, sweet and wholesome fun for the whole family. 

3. STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS - At number 3 is the twelfth installment in the Star Trek film franchise - Star Trek Into Darkness, a bold and boisterously fun film that pits Chris Pine's Captain Kirk against Benedict Cumberbatch's Kahn as Kahn enacts his revenge against Starfleet. Star Trek Into Darkness proves (as does Despicable Me 2) that you can do good sequels if the script is well written and it is here, indeed. Robert Orci, Alex Kurtzman and Damon Lindelof have written a crisp and engaging film, with a perfect cast and director J.J. Abrams takes us on a wild ride that is fun and exciting with some nice twists. Karl Urban, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg, Bruce Greenwood and  Leonard Nimoy add to the fun!

2. PRISONERS - At number 2 is Prisoners, Denis Villineuve's masterfully heartbreaking film about the abduction of two little girls in Pennsylvania and the tragic and intense investigation that follows. Hugh Jackman as a father of one of the girls, is terrific as he goes on his own mission to find them. Feeling helpless and with hope waning Jackman dances from enraged to devastated in an Oscar worthy performance. Jake Gyllenhaal as the investigating officer will keep viewers on their toes as a cop who is battling his own demons, as well. A stellar supporting cast including Maria Bello, Terrence Howard and Melissa Leo provide solid support! If you have kids and watch this film, you will  probably never let them out of your sight ever after. It is truly a tough film to watch in its subject matter but worth viewing. It is not for kids, though as there is a lot of bad language. 

1. GRAVITY - And number 1 is Alfonso Cuaron's marvelous thriller Gravity which stars Sandra Bullock as a stranded astronaut just trying to stay alive after their space shuttle is destroyed by flying debris from a Russian satellite. Told in real time at 90 minutes this film is as realistic as any film I have ever seen about space (it tookl apparently 3 years to finish the special effects alone). It is a superbly crafted thriller that had me wincing, mouth open in awe of what a true battle for survival can be. Bullock (Oscar worthy, no doubt)and George Clooney are terrific together and the father and son script by Alfonso Cuaron and Jonas Cuaron is smartly written. Alfonso Cuaron's direction is top notch and Oscar worthy as well. Film score composer, Steven Price should also be considered for Oscar contention for his tremendous score for Gravity as well. Incidentally, for those curious, Gravity has been nominated for 10 Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Best Director for Cuarón and Best Actress for Bullock. 

So there you have it, folks. I just want to thank each and everyone one of you for reading and responding; good, bad or otherwise in 2013 at  the Websnacker Blog. Here's to a prosperous and safe 2014 with plenty of great films ready to come and plenty of stinkers to keep it real. Keep coming back for more film and film score reviews at the Websnacker Blog.