Fuzzy Occam's Razor

To Shave or Not to Shave!

Occam's razor must have been the real cut-throat type.... surely it never shaved a leg. This whole leg-shaving thing for women (and men) should really be uncomplicated, you do or you don't, but it's not.

I came across a snooty woman at a fashion show rehearsal a few days back (ok, she was about 20 which, in my opinion makes her still a "girl" and her attitude went along with it) who had the all-fired audacity to get on a naïve new fellow student about shaving her legs. Not that she ought to, but which I felt was a little over the top.

Bite me, itchy. She had terrific legs, at least from the knee down perhaps she’s still working on that thigh thing and she’ll be damned if she’s going to obscure the delicate sculpture of her ankles with fuzz so some people can feel secure in their own bullshit.

It seems, it is politically correct, at the moment, for women to free themselves from the male-dominated view of feminine beauty by refusing to shave their legs or underarms, eschew makeup and wear clothes that make them look like a sack of rags. I read in some stupid feministic magazine recently in which several (actually inane) women were being lauded to the skies for "breaking the mold" and thinking “out of the box”. One had quit her steady job to start her own business (in this recession), another had sold her house and bought a motorcycle (must be one hell of a motorcycle is all I can say), one had "given up shaving" her legs. Huh? Is this on a par with boldly taking on the male-establishment in business or pursuing a dream of momentum and independence? Heck, this just sounds like either an excuse for being lazy, or a way of apologizing for not playing the game.

I admit, that I'm as lazy as the next nut and I may decide that I don't want to be bothered with something like hairy legs for a while, but, I think a women’s legs look great fuzz-less and, being the self-aggrandizing, insecure, neurotic type that many of us are, any female of our species would want people to admire them. After all, if you've got something that makes you superior, exploit it, say I (and that's as un-PC as you can get).

Now, I'm hardly a fashion-victim, about as politically-correct as a white sheet at a university meeting and distinctly not interested in whether or not anything I do or say is socially relevant, but I think that deliberately playing coy about what you are and what you want is kind of twisted and selfish (sick, fetish or kinky we can get to later) and to cover it up with a brainless motive like being politically correct and start bowing to someone else's politically-sacred cows is stupid!

14 Legendary Facts of the Great Keralite Lungi!

Everything That You Didn't Know About the Lungi

A funny satirical post on Malayali Men and their love for the venerable Lungi. This was originally forwarded to me and makes a hilarious read!! I have tweaked it a bit though and have added a little flavor of my own. Do note that the typos are intentional and No Offense Meant at anyone.

1. Just as the national fruit of Kerala is the Coconut, her national dress is the "Lungi'. Pronounced as 'Lu' as in loo and 'ngi ' as in 'mongey', a lungi can be identified by its floral or window-curtain pattern. Lungi is as simble and 'down to earth' like the Malayali wearing it. Infact, a Lungi is the beginning and the end of evolution in its category. 'Mundu' is the white variation of lungi and is worn on special ogasions like hartal or bandh days, weddings and Onam.

2. Wearing something on the top half of your body is optional when you are wearing a lungi. Lungi is a strategic dress. It's like a one-size-fits-all bottoms for Keralites.

3. The techique of wearing a lungi/mundu is passed on from generation to generation through word of mouth like the British Constitution.

4. If you think it is an eazy task wearing it, just try it once! It requires resilient techniques like breath control and stomach and waist yoga.

5. A Lungi/Mundu when perfectly worn won't come off even in a quake of 8 on the Richter scale. So, leading defense companies are exploring Lungis as a strategic legwear for soldiers!

6. A Lungi is not attached to the waist using duct tape, staple, rope or velcro.It's a bit of mallu magic whose formula is a closely guarded secret like the Coca Cola and Pepsi chemicals.

7. A lungi can be worn 'Full Mast' or 'Half Mast' like a national flag. A 'Full Mast' Lungi is when you are showing respect to an elderly or the dead and a "Half Mast" indicates disrespect, aggression or plain Keralite macho!

8. Wearing it at full mast has lots of disadvantages but a major disadvantage is when a rabid dog or a elephant in "musth" runs after you.

9. When you are wearing a Lungi/Mundu at full mast, the advantage is mainly for the female onlookers who are spared the ordeal of swooning at the sight of hairy legs.

10. Wearing a Lungi 'Half Mast' is when you wear it exposing yourself like those Malayali sex movie starlets. A Malayali can play cricket, football or simbly run when the lungi is worn at half mast. A Malayali can even climb a cocunut tree wearing lungi in half mast. "It's not good manners, especially for ladies from decent families, to look up at a malayali climbing a coconut tree"- Confucius (or is it Abdul Kalam?)

11. Most Malayalis do the traditional dance 'Kudiyattam'. Kudi means drinking alcohol and yattam, spelled as aattam, means random movement of the male body. Note that 'y' is silent. When you are drinking, you drink, there is no 'y'. Any alcohol related "festival" can be enjoyed to the maximum when you are topless with lungi and a towel tied around the head. "Half mast lungi makes it easy to dance and shake legs" says Candelaria Amaranto, a Salsa teacher from Spain after watching 'kudiyaattam' .

12. The 'Lungi Wearing Malayali Union' [LUWMU, pronounced LOVE MU], an NGO which works towards the 'upliftment' of the Lungi, strongly disapprove of the GenNext tendency of wearing Bermudas under the lungi. They claim Bermudas under the lungi is a conspiracy by the CIA to belittle a Keralite and Indian invention. Besides, it's also a disgrace to see a person wearing a bermuda with corporate logos like of under his lungi. What they don't know is how much these corporates are limiting their freedom of movement and expression.

13. A Mallu wears lungi round the year, all weather, all season. Lungi provides good ventilation and brings down the heat between legs. Perhaps, that's because a Mallu is scared of global warming more than anyone else in the world. After all, a lungi/mundu can be worn any time of the day/night. It can double as blanket at night or can be used as a swing, swimwear, sleeping bag, parachute, facemask while entering/exiting toddy shops, shopping basket and water filter while fishing in ponds and rivers.

14. It also has recreational uses like in 'Lungi/mundu pulling', a pastime in households having more than one male member. Lungi pulling competitions are held outside toddyshops all over Kerala during Onam and Vishu. When these lungis are decommissioned from service, they become table cloths, TV covers or put to some other use in a Keralite household. Thus the humble lungi is a cradle to grave appendage.

Long live the Lungi! For more info on the Lungi, check out the wiki page.

Of Beards, Moustaches & the Macho Man

Everything you wanted to know about Beards but were afraid to ask.

Off late, I have been reading quirky wacky stuff off the web. An eBook I recently read was all about beards and how much they mean to manhood (and I always thought my fellow brethren only worried about their wiener).

Apparently, the credit for this distinction goes to some psychologist named Robert J. Pellegrini, who it seems published a report some years ago about his (hairy) experiments aimed at finding out how beardedness affects the male personality and in his own words how “the male beard communicates a heroic image of the independent, sturdy, and resourceful pioneer – ready, willing and able to do manly things.”

Let’s face it. Thousands of years ago beards were all the fashion, if there was such a thing as fashion then. Anyway, there was not much men could do about it. If nature wanted them to grow a beard, they grew it, that's all there was to it. Obviously, technology had not yet advanced to the level, that men could make a tool to remove it, like you can today.

Nevertheless, beards were not only associated with masculinity and manliness, but also wisdom and being a triumphant fighter. There are very good reasons for this. The presence of a thick moustache or a beard or together is associated with high levels of testosterone. This male hormone also contributes to aggression, and so a man who was more aggressive, would probably be a better hunter, a better soldier, as well as being more virile, good reasons for a woman to find such a man more attractive.

However, one thing that does puzzle me at the moment; why were beards out of fashion during the Victorian era? Was it because men who grew beards were thought to be uncivilized, or was it the women who decided it was unfashionable to be seen in the company of a man who had a beard? Somehow, that last part does not sound right, that's if we understand correctly how the brain processes facial information. Facial recognition is considered so important by people that there is a special part of the brain allocated only to face recognition. If women have associated beards with virile men for hundreds of thousands of years, and have used them as one of their important selection criteria why should they suddenly have rejected the beard?

It seems Pellegrini used several full-bearded young men in their early twenties who were photographed in different stages, from full beard to clean-shaven. The photos were shown to male and female psychology students who were then asked to rate the pictures for their “first impression personality traits” of the subjects.

Pellegrini found that the hairier the face, the more the subject was perceived as being masculine, mature, handsome, dominant, self-confident, courageous, liberal and non-conforming. Other adjectives the students applied to the pictures of bearded subjects were “intelligent, strong, healthy and likeable”. So Pellegrini thus concluded that hairy faced men are tops. In fact, he commented that “inside every clean-shaven man there is a beard screaming to be let out”.

After talking to many of my friends and kindred who all have beards of various degrees (and if you take a look around you will notice there are a lot of them!), I have discovered they all seem to share Pellegrini’s hairy hypothesis. Most, when asked why they grew a beard, eventually come out with the notion that facial hair is manly. There are other reasons, too, of course, but the macho motive seems paramount.

Around the world, it seems, many men do flaunt their fuzz in numerous ways. In the USA and Europe, there are numerous beard and moustache clubs, the oldest being the OAFH or the ‘Organisation for the Advancement of Facial Hair’ based somewhere in California whose motto is to “aid those who have been discriminated against due to their growing of the godlike matter”. Germany has many of these – so many that there is even an association for them all. For example, the “Bart und Schnorres club” or the Beard and Moustache Club of the Black Forest village of Hofen-Enz is the hamlet’s main claim to fame and its members organize numerous championship events for beard-growers. Rip van Winkle would be delighted!

In the United Kingdom, the famous “Handlebar Club” is based at the Windsor Castle pub in London, and has members sporting impressive “handlebar” moustaches from all around the world (please note, beards are not allowed here!) but thger are many across the UK. In Italy, moustaches are in too – the “Festival dei Baffi” (Festival of Moustaches or the Grand festival of Whiskers) is held annually in the town of Montemesola, in the south of Italy.

Beards are growing in popularity on the Internet too. Just browse Facebook or Google and you will find scores of websites, groups and fan pages on the art of beards and moustaches. Besides, there are many on-growing beard challenges present online – a page featuring progressive photographs documenting the success of numerous contenders who conform to the rule that “your beard must be at least six months old or three inches below the chin”. The beard challenges come with a warning though: don’t expect frequent updates because progress is measured in years!

So, if you are of those types who are convinced that you do need some facial fluff; here are some tips, gleaned from those who have taken the bold step, on how to grow and maintain a bountiful beard:

Take A Break: You don’t need snide comments about your stubble from your boss and colleagues, and you need to be relaxed to promote healthy hair growth! And perhaps, your new beard will project a more mature image of you. Think about it -you might just get that long due promotion, the cops dont stop you on the road, the neighbors fear you and the women, yes, the women mau find you hairy hottt!

Throw Away Your Razor: If the family protests, tell them it is your face and you are just experimenting. Convince them that you will be a better person with a beard. By the time it is fully-fledged, they will no doubt agree or will have become so used to the new you, that they won’t object any more.

Sculpt a Style: You may be impatient to start sculpting your beard so having a mental image of how you would ultimately like it to look helps. Even if you plan to end up with a little goatee, don’t try to mould it immediately. Great sculptors need something concrete to work on so for the first few weeks just let it grow ad lib. Avoid the temptation to reach for the beard trimmer, razor or scissors!

Forget the Itch: While the hair is growing, you may be annoyed by itchy skin. This is temporary while your skin adjusts to its new covering. Don’t be put off. Make sure you keep your new beard clean by shampooing each day with a mild shampoo, and even conditioner; and rinse very thoroughly to avoid flaking and itching. Don’t blowdry your beard – patting with a towel will do.

Seek Professional Help: After about a month, you will be ready for shaping up. It is best now to consult a barber or hairstylist – ask around among your bearded mates for advice on finding an experienced professional. Now you can go shopping for a beard trimmer and get some pointers on how to use it.

Use The Right Tools: Use a wide-toothed comb for grooming your beard. Never trim your beard while it is wet, because wet hair looks longer, and you may trim off too much.

See, it’s simple – so why not get growing your very own super cool beard?

Smoking a Castro and Other Cigars

Everything You Didn't Know about Cigars and Were Afraid to Ask

Rudyard Kipling once jibed “A lady is only a woman, but good Cigar is a smoke “. Thankfully, in these turbulent times of the ever-growing health mafia who balk against anything entering your body that isn’t made exclusively from oat bran, corn flakes or probiotic yoghurt, the seven-inch Cigar is making a modish return. And a real comeback it is!

I had my first Cigar smoke during my high school days when me and my mates experimented with cheap Indonesian spiced Cigars, smuggled inside our school grounds and traded with Iron Maiden tapes. It was not until my second job that I had my first authentic Cigar experience – an original Partagás gifted to me by a gregariously benevolent client who I helped save a substantial sum of money.

Last week, I had my Cigar experiences reawakened as I had to gift an entire box of pricey Dominican Cigars - Arturo Fuente for a close mentor of mine – a retired Army General with a penchant for luxurious Cigars and the most expensive wines for his 69th birthday.

Swanky, posh and undeniably male, Cigars combine the poise of the gentleman with the air of the cad. Even though annual Indian consumption is among the lowest in the world (we smoke a mere .08 per head, as compared to 220 per head in Denmark), the Cigar seems to have unfettered itself from the injurious image of its poor and vastly inferior relative, the acidic Cigarette. Always popular in gentlemen’s clubs, Cigar smoking has been attracting more youthful practitioners recently. Experts believe that the Cigar’s suave image makes it all more attractive to the younger men (and also women).

According to Iian Crawford, the author of ‘The Havana Cigar’, a bible for any serious Cigar enthusiast, a Cigar greenhorn should choose a brand that fits his own particular style. While this is good advice, Crawford approach is rather literal: for example, he suggests that if you have a long thin face you should avoid fat Cigars, and vice-versa. A more realistic approach is to begin by buying a selection of different Cigars- a good Havana can be had for around $15 -$20 and simply try several until you find one that suits your palette and personality. A diffident Romeo Y Julieta number One might be a good starting point. At five and a half inches, it is neither too large and nor too aromatic and has a distinct taste of burnt wood smoke – a perfect after-dinner Cigar. But whichever brand you decide to try, it’s wise to avoid Cigars that are under-matured. Even the most hardened smoker would find the notorious “green” Cigar intimidating, if not upsetting, so it is not recommended as an introduction for the uninitiated.

Once you’ve found your perfect Cigar, you are then faced with a minefield of Cigar etiquette to navigate. If you thought it was a case of lighting up and puffing away, you’re very much mistaken. Avoid rolling the Cigar next to your ear or running it under your nose. All this will prove is that Cigars sound like desiccated leaves and smell of tobacco. Cutting the end of your Cigar using a special Cigar guillotine is to be recommended. Alternatively, pierce the end with a matchstick; but be warned, this concentrates the Cigar smoke like a jet on to your tongue, with an associated burning sensation that can be very distasteful.

Never bite off the end of your Cigar – this might be fine in an Italian spaghetti Western, but outside of Clint Eastwood territory, few people find it attractive. Most importantly, light your Cigar with a wooden match, rather than with a petrol lighter or a candle, both of which severely impair the flavor. And, once lit, only smoke three quarters of its length; after this, the tobacco oils concentrate in the remaining area of the Cigar and cause a bitterness, which ruins the otherwise mellow taste. Finally, never stub out your Cigar-once half its length has been smoked a Cigar will automatically extinguish itself if left unattended.

There is little that can match the aromatic smell and taste of a good Cigar. For anyone who claims to enjoy tobacco, it is the ultimate in sheer pleasure and good taste.

The Premium Brands…

Dunhill Aged - Mainly due to the increasing difficulty in importing Cigars from Cuba in the late Eighties, Dunhill decided to produce its own brand of Cigar. It uses South American tobacco and the leaves are matured over a number of years. The result is surprisingly, a much milder and nuttier tasting Cigar that lacks the pungent kick found in the stronger blends. Increasingly popular, the Dunhill Aged is the ideal Cigar for smoking during the day or over a light lunch.

Romeo Y Julieta - One of the world’s most popular Cigars, the Romeo Y Julieta is classified as a medium flavored Cigar. Tasting woodier than the Dunhill Aged, there is no mistaking the punch that lurks within it. However, the medium taste is still aromatic and palatable with our being overpowering. A version worth trying is the Romeo y Juliet Fedros, which boasts a sweeter woody flavor thanks to a cedar wrap around the Cigar.

Montecristo - Similar in taste to the Romeo Y Julieta, but slightly stronger. The increase in the Monetecristo’s strength is more pronounced in its most popular version, the Corona No 3. This Cigar has a very definite rich and pungent nutty flavor that lingers on the palette. Probably best enjoyed after a heavy evening meal.

Bolivar - The strongest of all Cigars, the extremely dark leaves used in the Bolivar give it a very strong taste. Too much for many tinge of bitterness and, if you are unaccustomed to it, can quite literary make your head spin.

Cohiba aka Castro- The Rolls Royce of Cigars, the Cohiba is rolled from the choicest leaves of each year’s Cuban tobacco crop. This Cigar only become available in the West because its Castro’s personal brand.

Besides Partagás, Hoyo de Monterrey, H. Upmann and José L. Piedra, other good Cuban brands include Belinda, Cuaba, Diplomáticos, El Rey del Mundo, Flor de Cano, Fonseca, Gispert, Guantanamera, Juan López, La Gloria Cubana, Los Statos de Luxe, Por Larrañaga, Punch, Quai d'Orsay, Quintero, Rafael González, Ramón Allones, Reloba, Saint Luis Rey, San Cristóbal de la Habana, Sancho Panza, Trinidad, Troya, Vegas Robaina, Vegueros and many more.

Health Warning - Cigars can be fun but they are as damaging to our Health as Cigarettes or even worse. Think twice before you light one!

Casual Friday Dressing for the Office

Casual Clothing vs Formal Dressing - You Decide

Upto to now most of us have not had to think too hard about what we wear in the office. Most of us have four or five suits or a similar number of Van Heusen and Arrows that we wear in the office. We have four or five suits which we rotate in strict order. Our shoes circulate likewise. And then there are ties, a window of opportunity, albeit a small one.

But soon in India, we are all going to have to work much harder at our office dress sense. The American ritual of “Friday Wear” is already on its way full speed across the Atlantic on the way into India, as if it hasn’t entered already. Anyway, the idea – to let employees wear what they like to work on Fridays – was first developed in California’s Silicon Valley as a means of breaking down the rigid hierarchies of the office and promoting a team spirit. Now half the companies in the Fortune Top 500have the same policy, ranging from American Express and Microsoft to SAP and HSBC and not to forget Dot Com & new generation start-ups,.

Casual does not necessarily denote jeans and T-shirts. It might mean an open-necked shirt, a polo shirt, blazer chinos and a pair of loafers. And that is not such bad news. Giorgio Armani, for one, thinks the idea of encouraging employees to wear casual clothes in the office on Fridays is “a tremendous accomplishment, a goal that has finally been reached”. Armani and many of his fellow designers have been banging on for years about the restrictions of the office environment. They see men (and women) as closeted, repressed individuals wearing dull grey uniforms to their dull gray office, their individuality submerged within an Orwellian five-day-a-week existence.

In truth, designers have been offering more relaxed alternatives for sometime now. Italian businessmen especially, dress with style, flair and sophistication, designer-labeled up from their Fratelli Rossetti shoes to their Gucci ties. French and German businessmen escaped the straitjacket of the suit long ago; a smart jacket or blazer and pair of trousers is judged equally acceptable in most business situation. And now the message is getting through to the Anglo-Saxons. Loosen up urge the designers. If you don’t wear a suit, it doesn’t mean you have to look like a slob. Try shaking up your wardrobe, try doing what most women have to do every day of their working lives.

Don’t ask if it will really catch on here in India. It already has. The corporate offices of many American businesses are leading the way with “dress-down on Fridays”, from a liaison office of a large MNC at Kochi to the Headquarters of a Fortune 100 ginat at Mumbai. British and our own Indian companies have followed suit,albeit slowly and some are expected tentatively, over the coming months. While researching this article, I heard a rumor that the Bank of England, a relic of the conservative British empire and our very own Reserve Bank of India is already trying the scheme.

The problem with dress-down Friday is that it turns offices into minefields of potential disaster. As anyone who has ever worked for a company with a Friday Wear policy; the Managing Director who was mistaken for an intruder and refused entry to the blinding, the executives panicked by unexpected meeting with a top-notch client into dispatching couriers to their homes to retrieve their suits. Most companies, rather like armies, still thrive on strict hierarchical definitions; when the troops are allowed to abandon their uniforms, who knows what chaos will result?

Journalists have never had to worry too much about what they wear, but everyone knows what it feels like to get it wrong. A few years ago, a friend of mine was working for a magazine which was bought out in a secret deal by a rival publisher. The gray suits arrived on the doorstep on a Monday morning, midsummer. It was one of those steaming hot days when all conventional dress codes had been abandoned and the entire office was decked over in shorts and Hawaiian shirts. As the news of the takeover was announced, all felt like naughty schoolboys called into the headmaster’s study-sartorially ill equipped to face up to the new man agreement team.

But legitimate casual wear in the office is a different matter, and raises some interesting questions. Do companies really operate most efficiently by being run like military establishments, complete with suits as corporate uniforms? In many industries, the suit has already become a redundant form of clothing. These days you often see men remove their jackets and ties the moment they reach there desks-the jackets–and–tie combinations serving merely as an absurd carapace for traveling to and from the office.

And who’s to say that we won’t garner some psychological benefit from enjoying dressing for the office. It will give the old brain cells a stretch first thing in the morning. It might even make getting out of bed bearable and going to office a pleasure.