Thursday, November 18, 2010

14 Legendary Facts of the Great Keralite Lungi!

Everything That You Didn't Know About the Lungi

A funny satirical post on Malayali Men and their love for the venerable Lungi. This was originally forwarded to me and makes a hilarious read!! I have tweaked it a bit though and have added a little flavor of my own. Do note that the typos are intentional and No Offense Meant at anyone.

1. Just as the national fruit of Kerala is the Coconut, her national dress is the "Lungi'. Pronounced as 'Lu' as in loo and 'ngi ' as in 'mongey', a lungi can be identified by its floral or window-curtain pattern. Lungi is as simble and 'down to earth' like the Malayali wearing it. Infact, a Lungi is the beginning and the end of evolution in its category. 'Mundu' is the white variation of lungi and is worn on special ogasions like hartal or bandh days, weddings and Onam.

2. Wearing something on the top half of your body is optional when you are wearing a lungi. Lungi is a strategic dress. It's like a one-size-fits-all bottoms for Keralites.

3. The techique of wearing a lungi/mundu is passed on from generation to generation through word of mouth like the British Constitution.

4. If you think it is an eazy task wearing it, just try it once! It requires resilient techniques like breath control and stomach and waist yoga.

5. A Lungi/Mundu when perfectly worn won't come off even in a quake of 8 on the Richter scale. So, leading defense companies are exploring Lungis as a strategic legwear for soldiers!

6. A Lungi is not attached to the waist using duct tape, staple, rope or velcro.It's a bit of mallu magic whose formula is a closely guarded secret like the Coca Cola and Pepsi chemicals.

7. A lungi can be worn 'Full Mast' or 'Half Mast' like a national flag. A 'Full Mast' Lungi is when you are showing respect to an elderly or the dead and a "Half Mast" indicates disrespect, aggression or plain Keralite macho!

8. Wearing it at full mast has lots of disadvantages but a major disadvantage is when a rabid dog or a elephant in "musth" runs after you.

9. When you are wearing a Lungi/Mundu at full mast, the advantage is mainly for the female onlookers who are spared the ordeal of swooning at the sight of hairy legs.

10. Wearing a Lungi 'Half Mast' is when you wear it exposing yourself like those Malayali sex movie starlets. A Malayali can play cricket, football or simbly run when the lungi is worn at half mast. A Malayali can even climb a cocunut tree wearing lungi in half mast. "It's not good manners, especially for ladies from decent families, to look up at a malayali climbing a coconut tree"- Confucius (or is it Abdul Kalam?)

11. Most Malayalis do the traditional dance 'Kudiyattam'. Kudi means drinking alcohol and yattam, spelled as aattam, means random movement of the male body. Note that 'y' is silent. When you are drinking, you drink, there is no 'y'. Any alcohol related "festival" can be enjoyed to the maximum when you are topless with lungi and a towel tied around the head. "Half mast lungi makes it easy to dance and shake legs" says Candelaria Amaranto, a Salsa teacher from Spain after watching 'kudiyaattam' .

12. The 'Lungi Wearing Malayali Union' [LUWMU, pronounced LOVE MU], an NGO which works towards the 'upliftment' of the Lungi, strongly disapprove of the GenNext tendency of wearing Bermudas under the lungi. They claim Bermudas under the lungi is a conspiracy by the CIA to belittle a Keralite and Indian invention. Besides, it's also a disgrace to see a person wearing a bermuda with corporate logos like of under his lungi. What they don't know is how much these corporates are limiting their freedom of movement and expression.

13. A Mallu wears lungi round the year, all weather, all season. Lungi provides good ventilation and brings down the heat between legs. Perhaps, that's because a Mallu is scared of global warming more than anyone else in the world. After all, a lungi/mundu can be worn any time of the day/night. It can double as blanket at night or can be used as a swing, swimwear, sleeping bag, parachute, facemask while entering/exiting toddy shops, shopping basket and water filter while fishing in ponds and rivers.

14. It also has recreational uses like in 'Lungi/mundu pulling', a pastime in households having more than one male member. Lungi pulling competitions are held outside toddyshops all over Kerala during Onam and Vishu. When these lungis are decommissioned from service, they become table cloths, TV covers or put to some other use in a Keralite household. Thus the humble lungi is a cradle to grave appendage.

Long live the Lungi! For more info on the Lungi, check out the wiki page.


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