Wednesday, October 26, 2016

A to Z for the Politically Illiterate

Your short cut to become politically enlightened 

The German dramaturgyst Bertolt Brecht once said "The political illiterate is so stupid that he is proud and swells his chest saying that he hates politics. The imbecile doesn’t know that, from his political ignorance is born the prostitute, the abandoned child, and the worst thieves of all, the bad politician, corrupted and flunky of the national and multinational companies". 

So, with the US presidential election round the corner, here is a A to Z to help you not become one..

The form of birth control most deserving of federal funds. It must be spoken of only with great solemnity,but otherwise treated the same as other birth control techniques.

The right to coerce. It is earned either by moral certainty or by polls indicating popular support by the non-voting majority.

The next best thing to one-party rule.

Dissent with authorities as to which books children should be forced to read.

Best form of birth control as it allows sex without trust or acknowledgment of mutual risks. This prevents perversion, and retards the intimacy that can lead to troublesomely atavistic nuclear families. The only drawback is that condoms are so prohibitively expensive that no one can buy their own, so they are completely unavailable unless provided by the State.

1. Intangible entity by which the State is able to determine intuitively what rights it will grant its subjects. Often confused with: 
2. Actual, largely static document which purports to dictate the "proper" way to conduct matters of State.Written in such opaquely complex phraseology that only twelve living people can interpret it, it is often taken literally by ultra-right-wing arch-conservative reactionaries.See Gridlock

1.Political strategy of buying votes and loyalty by redistributing the confiscated property of scape goats.
2.(Archaic) Spontaneous concern for the well being of an individual, on the part of a human being.

Treating animals differently than humans.

Means by which the State empowers female children and curbs the destructive phalocentric tendencies of males. This is especially important in a democracy, to insure that the electorate votes properly.

1.Opposite of morality (basis in self-esteem rather than humility).
2. Unwritten law by which intellectuals govern their behavior. Ethics vary according to group allegiance, but can always be determined by graduates of ethics courses.

Unnecessary philosophical consistency (with rabid stupidity and sheer hypocrisy)

1. Synonym for the State.
2. Ringleader of global reactionary phalocentric fanatic movement, and purveyor of the only pornography so vile the State must protect people from it. 
3. Sometimes useful word if used in a meaningless context.

System of checks and balances instated by vaginaless caucasians to impede progress. See Constitution

1. Anyone who participates in something they claim to be opposed to. For instance: someone who says they don't like feces, and is later caught defecating.
2. Any fanatical practitioner of religion. See Fanaticism

Any criticism from a member of a group known to be composed of bigoted worthless hypocrites

Lowbrow populist substitute for ethics. Requires less education, but more religious training, often of an unsavory Judeo-Christian variety. See Judgemental

1.Synonym for the State. 
2.A voter obsessed with the soccer matches of non-taxpayers. See Woman

The act of killing a warm-blooded organism that is able to scream. Illegal in some states without a note from a physician.

One who is grateful to the government for providing a free education

Sexual acts in which the partners; 
1. Trust one another more than the State,
2. Allow a chance for pregnancy to occur, 
3. Bring a penis into direct contact with a vagina, 
4. Have anything in mind other than physical pleasure.

Biological imperialism.

Belief in stereotypes that are not sanctioned by authorities.

1. Member of a small minority of extremely wealthy bunny-stompers. 
2. Member of a large majority of xenophobic, carnivorous, ignorant, trailer park dwelling Garth Brooks fans.

1. Synonym for the State. 
2. Total set of causes for all negative behaviors in individuals. Must be eliminated.

Synonym for the State.

1. Crypto-feminist. 
2. Voter so receptive to education that her support can be counted on, even if you drop your pants and say "Kiss it". 
3. Breeder. 
4. A type of voter best appealed to by fear and compassion. 
5. Gynaecologicaly- endowed- american.

A chromosome that must be apologized for when it appears in conjunction with heterosexuality and melanin-deficiency.

Concentration camp for quadruped-americans.

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