Sunset in the Andaman Sea

Mid-sea Twilight from aboard the Costa Atlantica

Dweeb Loneliness

Love, Philosophy & Hawking Radiation - A Websnacker Exclusive

I felt that what I was writing was wrong for this weather; I did not want to write of being alone. I wanted to write of meeting a woman, and we are necessarily alone on bicycles, even on tandems, so the trail was the wrong venue for the approaching storm. I wanted to be walking over grass toward a dim silhouette I had arranged to meet, an accidental Usenet reencounter with a childhood friend I never actually had. I wanted her to step out from under the tree she had been leaning on, so we could see each other more clearly, but it wouldn't help, because there was so little light; so we would walk toward each other over the grass, each wondering whether the other was the one we wanted. We would stop at two arms' lengths apart, and, studying each other's stranger faces, recognize not so much their features as a pathway to a memory we had not known still there, a pathway to a past thought lost. I have stumbled on such pathways from time to time down the years, and always am astonished at how much, forgotten, is remembered. 

She would be too. We would see each other's shock of memory simultaneously. There would be no rituals; we were not the type even to shake hands. She would have worn no makeup, not knowing or caring that I think this best. I always dress like a tramp; she too. Even that we then would smile together would not be to communicate; the smiles would each be private things, each smiling to ourselves at this rediscovery. 

We would walk at random over the grass, under the night overcast, through the smell of coming rain. No asking, just telling, what we now remembered, what we had done, what we had become. This would seem to satisfy; there is so much to tell about a life. The disjoint sentences we would trade would bring each happy speaker back to unshared ancient memories. 

Her arm would brush mine accidentally, and I would betray no hint of how this felt to me. At the next accident I would sneak a glance at her open grinning stare, put my arm around her waist, and she would respond in kind. We would try hard to understand each other's words, each other's memories. But memories are always private things. The astonishment of rediscovery is private, because each neural net is locked inside its skull. We would know that we were failing to communicate. The first big isolated drops of rain would fall by chance where tears might fall. 

There are abstractions though. These we can share. We would learn that we shared some already, having thought some problems through in the same way. Mathematics, logic, software: there is often beauty in these things. But if that were all we had to share, we could have shared it on the Internet. We had more to share: we felt it in the touching of our walking hips. 

So to philosophy, and the discovery that we each knew, we each already knew, the hopelessness of the attempt. Life, the memories of life, the rich detail of life, the precious peak experiences - gazing down from a high hill onto a placid river under a double rainbow--these memories go into our minds, and therein they are locked for far too short a time, and then are gone forever from the universe. These memories are what we cannot share. Sex is the closest sharing that we ever do, and it is nothing. Standing face to face under the accelerating rain, we pressed our groins together, and gripped each other's shoulders held apart, and stared into each other's shadowy faces with eyes as alien as asteroids.

We were both atheists, and both knew this would never change; our science knew the world too well for supernatural respite. The rain falls hardest a few minutes after it starts. It soaks our hair, it soaks our clothes down to our skins, we feel it trickling down our bare clothed skins. The sound of rainfall drowns out everything. A brilliant fork of lightning to my left illuminates each droplet on her face and is reflected in her corneas. The image is symmetrical for her. The thunderclap is instantaneous. 

This is Zeus at his literary best, trying with his thunderbolts to be a writer. And his team is on stage with him: that drenching downpour is a perfect setup for some Dionysian epiphany. But the gods have nothing to say! In the instant of illumination we see in each other's faces that we have thought our way from thought to thought to the same conclusion: this bony cage has no escape. We die incommunicado. The physics of Heraclitus and the physics of Hawking are similar enough that the difference makes no difference. We have made the same deductions, thinking our separate ways to utter hopelessness. Thought annihilates all meaning. Only, older than physics is biology, and hope can be defined not by belief but by behavior...

Ahhhhhh, that is no country for old men. There was no woman, just a storm. I was a cyclist on the trail. The linear trail, narrow, private, stroboscopic, soundless but for thunder, treads, and rain, anonymous, where each moving darkness is alone even passing other moving darkness in the dark, that is the country of my mind. We are each a black hole of mind. Life can never get back out. Words, the richest prose, the densest poetry, are only Hawking radiation. Will Mengarini

Zen and Then

Zen and the Art of Enlightenment

I have been revisiting Zen philosophy lately. The key theme in Zen is that to become the enlightened being, one must know their true self, one’s true character. During my College Days, reading Zen was a frustrating and elusive experience until I realized that my true nature was not to become enlightened. I was not the Zen type you see.

Besides, there is one thing I never liked in reading in Zen beliefs is how often the teachers hit their students. It was very telling in an old tale where the monk asked his master some obscure question and was hit in reply. The master said "If I do not hit you for that question the other masters will laugh at me."

Hitting is part of being a Zen teacher. Being hit is part of being a Zen student. Yet hitting in and of itself does not lead to enlightenment, nor does it not lead to enlightenment. It merely is what Zen teachers do. Part of their true nature, rather their expected role. Pity the poor Zen master.

But there are some nice ideas that you can acquire from Zen. In Buddhist thought, there is this mention of being and becoming - of the action and the object, the thought and the thinker. It all seems to come down to two natures - things and actions which is summed in the two words - being and becoming. Things exist or they are coming into existence, though to be coming into existence is to exist. The action is not the thing and the thing is not the action. Everything is. Also everything does. (Action does not always imply movement.) Confused? Get a Zen primer.

Anyhow the main message of Zen, and most or all religions for that matter, is to grasp your true nature by self- realization. That wouldn't be a bad motto to have sitting on a desk or on the wall to see regularly.

Sometimes I say "know thyself" and sit there with no thoughts and then go, "now what?" But if thinking is imperative (and thinking is part of my true character) then it is always possible to come up with things that are not part of my personality and even some ideas of things that are. The ruse is that these ideas can be effortless and observable, they do not have to be philosophical.

When trying to realize your true nature it is easy to look at the affectations picked up over the years, character traits, and say that is part of my true temperament. While such persona will point to some aspect of our nature (there must be a reason why we have adopted them) they are often shallow. Left long enough, they become part of who we think we are.

Yet it is these basic qualities - are the underlying core that defines who we really are. Our perceptions of ourselves, our social situations and our accomplishments create judgments we bring upon ourselves. But what is it that we really are? Being and Becoming? Food for thought, eh?

Out of my Mind!

Maybe I'll Be Back in 5 Minutes

Things have taken a mystifying and out of the ordinary turn for me, lately. So, I'm going to be taking a little time away from here, I think. For a few minutes, hours, days whatever. Well, at the very least. Who knows, though? Could change my so-called mind in any of a dozen ways in an instant.

Life is a really strange place, no matter where you live it: in the "real" world or in a virtual one. And even more so when you live your life in your head, for the most part. My life goes on in my mind and, often, this "real" world of blood and sweat and universal laws seems to be only a place to survive, not a place to live. That's upside down and backwards, really, but that's the way my head works.

So, I'm going to go sit in my mental penthouse for a while and try to sort out the junk. Just think of me in my scruffy blue jeans, eating chicken sandwiches and making piles of what to keep and what to throw away. I'll come downstairs, occasionally, to pick up the mail, pay the bills and maybe answer the phone too, so, if you want to talk to me, drop me e-mail. I'm going to go, for now but I will be back! Be seeing you.

A Letter to Myself

Writing Your Own Diary

One of the greatest things I've done for myself in the past few months was to start keeping my very own private journal, because for the first time since I was a child I'm writing something strictly for me, and I'm doing it because I want to do it and not because someone asked me to do it. I started a fresh MSWORD file on New Year's Day simply titled ‘New.doc’ and a running count on it shows I've put an impressive 352000 words in 130 Days. Such log keeping would tell you that it ain't worth reading; to anyone but myself that's undoubtedly true. But to me, it's been time and effort well-spent.

Therefore, I feel it is indeed worthwhile to do something that you've always wanted to do for the sheer hell of it, strictly for your own kicks, knowing no one but yourself will ever see it. Only you know what such a something should be; only you will ever see the end product, but there's something to be said for getting at least a taste of the fun of writing back on one's palate.

A close pal of mine tells me one of the little subliminal motivational techniques at her marketing firm is a bespoke nameplate for everyone's cubicle with some crappy quote or other about the benefits of competition. She has taped over her quote and replaced it with one from Lao Tzu, the mystical Chinese philosopher: "The sage dreams of great things, and in seeking nothing, accomplishes them." And she is leading her area in sales made; I've joked they may bring her back to teach a revolutionary Taoist approach to sales! Maybe this is a time to focus more on the dreaming and less on the actual accomplishing. And I hope I do keep writing!

A Poem - Dark Skies

On Violence, from the Websnacker Archives

As I stare out the window, hoping a new day to dawn,

I wonder how destructive, we’ve really become.

The daily violence has colored the grime,

the view of the sky seems darker this time.

Day in and day out, I see the same scene,

it only gets worse, when our world could be pristine.

The buzz of the gun, the red of the sky,

the taste of the dirty air, the burn in my eye,

the pain in my chest, and my throat feeling rough,

when will we say, enough is enough?

Do we accept violence as a matter of change,

and days like today are things that seem no more strange

What is the price we’re willing to pay,

and will we just stop, to stop having days like today?

I wonder if ever the world will stay clear,

if there will be peace and happiness near?

I worry that we may have stretched our world too thin,

This is a battle that no one can ever win.

We need as a people, to be more aware

to really pitch in peace and to do our fair share.

The life we kill is our society as a whole,

the world is damaged; it’s now bloody out of control.

I ponder these things as I sit here and stare,

stuck on the highway, and going nowhere...

The Top 5 Movies of Michelangelo Antonioni

My favorites from the Italian Modernist

I had the indulgence of seeing Michelangelo Antonioni’s “Blow-Up” on HD last week. Again that is. This was probably my 7th or 8th time but watching this masterpiece from the Italian modernist filmmaker in high definition glory just blew me away. After all, according to cinema critic Richard Corliss, this was the movie that defied conventions and “helped liberate Hollywood from its puritanical prurience”!

So, now that you know my love for this celebrated filmmaker, I present below some of his very best movies or rather my personal Top 5 for your reading pleasure. As always, I have added all video links that I could find so that you can also view these great movies.

L'Avventura/ aka The Adventure (1960/Mystery) - Its slow, stately pacing caused absolute chaos at the 1960 Cannes Film Festival, but this remains one of Antonioni's finest with Empire magazine ranking it one of 'The 100 Best Films Of World Cinema'. Part one of the ‘Incommunicability’ Trilogy and the film that launched the career of Monica Vitti, this movie is a beautifully constructed tale of futility, idleness and deception revealed through the search for a missing woman. Antonioni uses little dialogue; what is said, therefore, we pay attention to. Likewise, the director's trademark blank compositions are very much in evidence. Also starring Gabriele Ferzetti and Lea Massari.


L'Eclisse/ aka The Eclipse (1962/Drama/Romance) - The final part of the 'Incommunicability' Trilogy, preceded by La notte; Antonioni's masterpiece stars Monica Vitti and Alain Delon as a couple in a modern, desperate relationship as seen through the eyes of the auteur of alienation. Though his view of the eclipse of emotion is ultimately bleak, there are touches of humor along the way. The justifiably famous ending poetically sums up the film through a montage of rich images. Though nominated for the Palme d'Or (Golden Palm) at the 1962 Cannes Film Festival, this won the Jury Special Prize.


Blow Up (1966/Mystery/Thriller) - A mod, metaphysical London, a mocking, mad world and a murder mystery provide the ideal setup in this Oscar nominated numinous whodunit that also made Antonioni, an international star and inspired Brain De Palma’s Blow Out (1981). David Hemmings, a swinging English photographer (in the likes of David Bailey) more concerned with art than reality, discovers a sinister truth when his camera unknowingly witnesses a murder. Antonioni's most accessible film and also his first English-language film is a profound meditation on the nature of representation. Based on the 1959 short story by Julio Cortazar’s “The Devil’s Drool”. With Vanessa Redgrave and Sarah Miles. A genuine masterpiece, don’t miss this.


Zabriskie Point (1970/Drama)- Antonioni's impression of late 60's American youth counterculture was a colossal flop during its initial release – critics finding it crammed with condescending cliché and dated attitudes. An irritating but totally intriguing mess with Sam Sheppard listed as a contributor to the non existent screenplay in which Mark Frechette is insufferable as a college boy who hides out in the desert with a sexy Chick after shooting down a pig. In spite of all its various shortcomings, I found it full of beautiful images, especially the desert scenery, a few occasionally affecting insights and a dazzling soundtrack featuring the Rolling Stones, Grateful Dead and the supreme Pink Floyd amongst others.


The Passenger / Professione : Reporter (1975/Drama/Mystery/Thriller) - Jack Nicholson provides the ultimate in cool alienation in one of Antonioni fine depiction of male angst. Nicholson plays a journalist who decides to take on a dead man's identity in an anonymous desert setting, then plunges deeper and deeper into your classic existential malaise in this 1975 Cannes “Plame d’Or” nominated gem. Maria Schneider (Last Tango in Paris) provides some temporary relief. Jack is absolutely prime; the moody photography is memorable. An excellent choice for Nicholson, art film fans and film students alike. The Passenger’s penultimate long take 8 minute shot (in those days when there was no steadicam) is alone worth the price of admission. Watch out for Steven Berkoff. If you like this, you should also see the similarly scripted Jim Jarmusch’s The Limits of Control(2009).

An Evening With Dr.Spock

I recently had the delight of attending an invitation only VIP lecture given by a (apparently) celebrated hypnotherapist or hypnotist to be precise. For obvious reasons, I will not disclose his name so there is no heartburn for my host. This guy (lets call him Dr. Spock cos he did look like Leonard Nimoy) claimed he was a certified hypnotherapist by training and a experienced psychic by choice - who combined both to aid his (rather very rich) clients get a fulfilling and rewarding life.

Let me say at the outset that I’ve often wondered whether many hypnotists doing stage shows are always honest. Although they often claim their subjects have been chosen totally at random, I’ve had my doubts and I know I’m not the only one. Several of my friends and I have in the past volunteered to be subjects for some of these shows and none of us has ever been hypnotized.

Well, as I learnt that evening, I could easily have been wrong. Hypnotizing someone doesn’t have to take long. Some people it seems that also make better candidates than others. Dr. Spock said that a person can be willing to undergo the process on one level, but not on another. (It’s obviously quite complex, but from what I understand, those who're cynical or possibly resisting the process can take a bit longer to hypnotize than those who aren't, for instance).

He pointed out that there are a lot of fallacies about hypnosis. One of the main ones is the commonly-held belief (probably propagated to some extent by the media) that one is "put under" by the hypnotist and is basically rendered a slave like robot, obeying any command the hypnotist in control issues. He said it was highly unlikely a hypnotized individual would do anything totally against what they believe, such as, for example, murdering someone.

What happens, Dr. Spock explained, is that hypnotized individuals move into an altered state of consciousness. They will often remain very alert during the process and can still be asked to perform a number of complicated tasks. But because they aren't feeling as inhibited as is usually the case, they may do things they'd normally consider embarrassing. He also said there are over 50 altered states or levels of consciousness one can move into – some lighter and others progressively deeper.

Dr. Spock also touched on the subject of subliminal advertising and subversive forms of control which can be used to manipulate people. He said most countries had banned such advertising because it is known to be an extremely effective, but dishonest method of selling products. He referred to the oft-mentioned scenario of a moviegoer suddenly feeling the need to buy a particular soft drink after viewing a subliminal advert. The person would then go out and buy this soft drink without realizing that his/her decision to purchase it had been prompted by the advert.

In a similar vein, Dr. Spock also warned us to avoid falling asleep in front of TVs. He said our brains still "tune in" to the audio when "asleep" and disturbing material can apparently adversely affect us for many years. He maintains it is often stored in the subconscious mind and may be responsible for certain phobias we might have but are not able to explain in lucid terms. For this reason, he said that if parents want to raise well-balanced children, they should make a resolute effort to ensure that a peaceful ambiance prevails around their bed time, particularly as they’re falling asleep, because they’re extremely open to influence and suggestion during this period.

One of the first demonstrations Dr. Spock performed involved showing us how we often underestimate our own strength. He hypnotized a rather tall chap who volunteered to be his "guinea pig". Dr. Spock didn't do anything dramatic or utter anything that was out of the ordinary, such as the usual sort of banter about "when I count to three you will be flying in the sky" etc etc.

I’m actually not quite sure what he did, because it was so quick. Once the young guy had been hypnotized, two of his assistants placed his head and feet on two chairs. The rest of his body hung unsupported above the ground. Dr. Spock then sat on the subject's waist and almost bounced on it, exerting a fair amount of force!! From what I can recall, he'd been told he wouldn’t bend and he didn’t. However, when he was "brought back", so to speak, he collapsed under the hypnotist's weight when the process was repeated!

The rest of the evening mainly took the form of a question and answer session. As it turned out, most of the questions that followed involved him making more use of his mystic clairvoyant faculties. Perhaps Dr. Spock is a bit unusual in a way – he believes in such things as past lives, astral travel and so on and his methods might thus seem a bit eccentric to some. However, despite a few bizarre answers he gave that evening, no one argued with what he’d said and generally seemed quite satisfied (as most Indians are usually in the presence of a foreigner, especially a white guy!)

Sometimes he appeared to pick up on traumatic childhood experiences and would mention in brief what he thought had happened and what effect these had had on the individuals concerned. Remember Past Life Regression.One woman burst into tears as what he'd said obviously struck a chord with her. He then said he could "see" the pain (presumably in her aura) and that she would begin healing. He said emotional pain was often stored in various parts of the body and might ultimately lead to disease if it wasn’t properly dealt with!!

Another claim he made which I found quite interesting related to the diagnosis of medical conditions. One example he mentioned involved determining if someone had cavities in their teeth. He said that after hypnotizing an individual, he would suggest to them that they had toothache. If all the teeth were fine, the person in question would apparently claim to experience toothache in all their teeth; if they actually did have cavities, they would only experience pain in the problematic ones. In such cases, the hypnotized person is able to show him which ones are aching. He will later suggest they see a dentist. He says in the past this information has always been found to be correct. He maintains that our bodies are extremely intelligent and that we should listen to them more often, because they frequently hold the solution to many of our problems.

Dr. Spock also touched on a subject on which many academics and sceptics might take him to task. He spoke about people's souls and said these were often many hundreds of thousands of years old. He alluded to a "soul agreement" – that we chose to be born, basically, and had certain issues we needed to deal with during particular "lives". Apparently, nothing that happens to us during our human existence is a mistake!

Towards the end of the evening, Dr. Spock performed another demonstration, this time on the whole audience. He asked that we place our hands with fingers interlocked, above our heads. We then had to imagine looking up at them through our heads while he uttered various commands. Actually some people would then be hypnotized and not be able to lower their hands when instructed to. He also told some people their eyelids would feel very heavy and that they would not be able to open them for a while, even if they tried to. Although I did everything he said, this didn’t happen to me. Besides, only a few people in the audience seemed to go into hypnosis.

But something else which he did say would happen, I definitely did experience. He said that he was altering the energy in the room and that some of us might feel tingling in our feet. I did, in fact, experience this – the sensation was exactly as he described it, almost like a feeling of pins and needles in my feet. We were also taken through what I would describe as a guided meditation. He suggested we would sleep very well when we got home that evening. As it turned out, I slept right through the night and felt great the next day.

I found the subject matter discussed that evening fascinating and I’d definitely like to book a private consultation with Dr. Spock soon, hopefully when I have some large cash to spare! I must confess, though, that I have since wondered - is my desire to see him my own or is it possible that the thought was secretly implanted in my mind?

An interesting point to brood over, isn't it?

Fasting During Ramadan

What a Typical Day during Ramadan Entails!

Picture yourself experiencing the humid heat of scorching summer without any chilled coolers to cool you off. Envision missing your daily breakfast, lunch and your favorite cup of coffee at 11 post noon daily for 30 full days. Imagine having to miss that fat five- star Sunday brunch that your friend has invited you for or envisage having to give up that free trip to Thailand. Imagine all these together and not lying, being good, honest to yourself and others around you and much, much more! Well, these are just some (and many) of the things Muslims around the world (including me) will be sacrificing the few weeks to observe the piously sacred month of Ramadan.

The ninth month of the Islamic lunar calendar year, Ramadan or Ramzan, is acknowledged as the month of fasting - a period that signifies a time to be still, a time to become aware spiritually and a time to submit to complete subservience to Allah through personal sacrifice. It is also the month in which the Holy Quran was sent down (from the heavens) to Man.

I have often been asked whether it is hard to desist from eating and drinking for a whole month, especially in summer. I’m surprised when I always find myself replying “no” - for through being raised as a Muslim, fasting inescapably becomes embedded in one, a part of one’s being. For those who’ve come into Islam, fasting is undoubtedly a trying experience at first, I’m sure. Though, as soon as you realize what the health and religious benefits are, together with the feeling of being united with Muslims worldwide experiencing exactly the same, it makes for a rather awe-inspiring feeling.

The most captivating part of fasting during the month of Ramadan is the self-denial from food, drink and any sexual activity (both mental and physical) – especially to those who’ve never experienced a fast before. Here I see it fitting to add that the abstaining applies only from the break of dawn until sunset. No food or drink is to pass the lips; nose etc. meaning that taking a sneak dip in the pool is also a taboo! Smoking is prohibited as well.

It gets a bit more intricate and demanding… other senses are also under commitment to fast. The eyes (from wandering to that which is considered to interfere with your spiritual upliftment); ears (from gossip etc); tongue (from lying, backbiting etc); and other limbs should also, with the complete objective of pleasing the Almighty, be restrained if the faster wants his/her fast to be accepted. And I can hear you ask why?

The above mentioned is fundamentally two of the three vital elements required for a fast to be worthy of full acceptance. The third element is preventing the heart and mind from dwelling on anything other than the remembrance and praise of Allah.

And with these three aspects of one’s being combined, it makes for a rather perfect recipe for divine cleanliness and leaves the door wide open to a path that can lead to a higher spiritual plane and an awareness of others’ suffering… for the hunger pangs will certainly make you think back to that homeless person, that sick child, that frail old woman and the countless destitutes and poor orphans who cant even get a proper meal a day.

Fasting has always, across the religious spectrum, been an accepted way of cleansing the body (and strengthening the spirit). And with the health-conscious mindset reigning supreme in this age, it is fast gaining momentum.

A fast can easily last up to approximately 12-14 hours – starting at about four in the morning and ending at around 6.30 in the evening. The fast usually starts as early as three thirty in the morning when you have to wake-up and eat well ( but not gorge) to help you fast for the day. After performing the morning prayers at around five, it’s almost impractical to squeeze in any more sleep. Chances are I won’t hear the alarm if I try to sleep again…yet, I do fall asleep at around 7 and I arrive late to work at ten.

As the day carries on, the air-conditioned confines of my office becomes my shelter. Energy levels slip steadily, a wave of drowsiness constantly distracts and the stomach is rumbling. Personally, I find that minus the next meal on my mind, it is quite astounding how empty the brain feels. What else to think about if I don’t have to decide where to go to eat during my lunch hour and my energy levels are too low to go shopping. You really have no option then but to become conscious of why you’re fasting – which then leads to the kind of divine consciousness you are supposed to dwell on anyway. It’s all really a sanctified chain reaction.

The fast ends at sunset, preferably broken with a sip of fruit juice or water, and dates – a natural and copiously rich source of sugar – and the evening prayer, in the hope that the fast will be accepted. Tradition comes under analysis again… those deep-fried mutton samosas, chicken cutlets and fish fingers can’t possibly be healthy when one is aiming to purify the body but actually most Muslims end up feasting everyday – both during the morning pre-fast and post break sessions. The final prayer of the day is performed at around 8.30 in the night followed by the special prayer for Ramadan, which takes a bit more time and requires one to go to mosque and perform it with your fellow Muslim neighborhood.

This is in a nutshell is a typical day in the life of a working, fasting Muslim man or woman during Ramadan. For the archetypal Muslim housewife or women with children, and the extended circle as is quite common in Muslim families, the burden is actually tenfold. Yet, you’ll be astonished at their strength and their unvarying juggle between the no-nonsense and divine. Okay, I got to go now. It’s almost three o’ clock again!

Thinking of Childhood Heroes and Role Models

All of us need role models regardless of our age. They teach us how to aspire; how to dream; they show us that we can all push beyond boundaries that have been set by our conditioning - what I personally call disablers, mental lakshman rekhas never meant to be crossed. They are the explorers, the mavericks, the mentors who lead the way acros the horizon.

When I was a young (school going) boy - one of my many role models was a flamboyant, handsome Pilot – actually, my friend’s uncle with a larger than life, superstar lifestyle and an equally commanding persona. In those days, flying was an expensive luxury and as a jet-setting sucessful NRI Pilot, he was truly international. Though considerably elder to me by many years, we shared a deep connect and endless stories of far off lands, luxurious chic hotels, exotic foods, beautiful woman, high-tech gadgets and tons of money. He was the nearest example of a living James Bond in my life. And like Sean Connery, he showed unconfident, plain vanilla boys like me that ugly ducklings have potential too.

After I joined college, my friend relocated. Yet I continued to be in touch with his high-flying uncle though but we drifted after a couple of months. Many years later, I met him once again at a pricey restaurant in Bombay a few weeks before his rather sudden death. An alcohol lover, Jack Daniels was his waterloo. He held court in the centre of the room seated in a large patrician chair. There were food crumbs on his lap and his once rock-solid handshake was now weak and feeble. He was no more a pilot; yet he barked orders in an domineering voice and alarmed everyone. Suddenly my childhood superman had become a frail old man, bad tempered, crabby and egocentric. I spent almost an hour with him though, listening to his life downhill and how he messed it all. At least, he was honest.

On my way back from the restaurant, I kept thinking about him. He was still a wonderful man, I could still see that winning spark in him but was as flawed as the rest of us, and I had simply outgrown him.

After all, role models only serve a useful purpose for as long as you need them; they fire you in the right direction, showing you that anything is possible. They can kick start us into the realms of the impossible and can be used much like the goddess archetypes who have been lost to antiquity in the West but remain constant and awesome in other cultures. They may be outrageous, seditious and not necessarily nice, but role models and childhood heroes play a valuable part in all our lives. And that’s something which is truly inestimable.

Does God Exist?

Keeping the Faith

I happened to be at an interesting debate today organized by a scientific think-tank that dabbles in psychiatry and neurology, mostly new-age research on the power of the human brain. Pretty hi-tech deep science stuff but something that has always interested me. And if you are a fan of Discovery or National Geographic, easy enough to understand.

The debate’s topic was what had taken me there. It was about God or rather if God Exists? this was the million dollar question that was being debated. Stretching to more than 3 hours from 90 minutes the invite originally promised, it was time very well spent.

Is there a supernatural being watching over us? An omnipotent force, all powerful in command reigning over the universe or is it just an imaginative invention created by the human brain as part of our evolution. Or is God the manifestation of society’s needs to set and maintain social order – a mental redline to preserve morals and ethics as humanity evolved. With members of the Christian and Islamic clergy besides Hindu priests & Buddhist monks on one side and atheists and the scientific community on the opposite side, it was indeed an incendiary mix for a humid hot afternoon.

I won’t take sides here cos I am a believer (who periodically suffers from a loss of faith only to be brought back on line by some divine intervention that’s indeed truly divine). By definition, spiritual experiences are of a personal nature. A person's search for, explanation of, or relationship with God is a very private thing. It doesn't affect everybody in the same way. There is no archetypical measure by which you can say 'I just made contact and that was my spiritual experience number 8 on the spiritual Richter scale’ just because I went to the church today or I survived a car crash or I hit jackpot in the tele lottery.

And with all due respects, the Bible, the Quran, the Torah, the Bhagwad Gita or the hundred other holy books can never be proof of God’s existence. In fact, these gospels have been in decline as a source of truth in the minds of average people for some time now. And not because there is no truth in them but because humanity has discredited their sanctity and undermined their real essence.

And the blame for this is not on science as you might think, but on the major religions itself and its wrong practitioners. They have undermined Gods truth with misinformation, and buy using it in a manner that it was not intended for. It is the same principle that the Govt uses in discrediting any particular story that they do not want told. They encourage all sorts of misinformation to be put out, by anyone, even the nut cases, so that when people hear it, they will close their mind to it.

And you only have to turn on your TV to see all sorts of misinformation. The most common phrase used by TV preachers is that “The Bible says or the Quran says ..And then they proceed to tell you that it says …if you send in your seed money, God will bless you with all the money you can spend. And at the other end of the spectrum, an other will tell you that in order to go to heaven; you must walk on fire, kill an infidel or drink poison to prove your faith. All that these preachers and teachers on TV really yell for is their love of the almighty MONEY. Needless to say, all of this dilutes the truth of these holy books and makes it harder for people with open minds to ever take them seriously.

And because of this, I never tell anyone that they prove anything, but only relate my personal experiences in a way that I feel are accurate to describe God’s presence. I have to admit though that this proof is personal and can never be transferred to others. I could relate how that proof came to me and describe it perfectly, but they could never give it the same weight as if it had happened to them.

What matters is that each of us have a certain level of understanding based upon our ability to think and our willingness to believe. For many, Gods proof depends a lot on how much we ask from him, on how much he gives or rather how "satisfied" we are with the worldly rewards we get. For example, if I pray for a promotion or a big house or a fancy car and I get it, I am a happy believer but if I keep praying and he does not seem to fulfill my shopping list, I get disappointed. This frustration soon turns into disillusionment and I either turn into a non-believer or jump from one religion to an other hoping the other god would hear my prayers.

What we fail to understand is that God speaks to us in many tongues, through many men, and at different times. He speaks to us through the sun and the stars and the birds and the animals…through our five blessed senses, through our love for one another. He spoke through Jesus, through Moses, through the prophet Mohammed considered the greatest Man ever born on earth and through countless other prophets and myriad other great men the world has seen. You need to connect at a deeper, spiritual level to understand God's language and you don’t need to be a die-hard believer to do that.

Unfortunately, what we have left of God's love now is all gone, substituted by adulterated religious nonsense that has been further subject to the corruptions of man's ignorance, greed and avarice and love of power and worship of self.

You cannot see God, hear God, touch, smell or feel him to realize his existence. To believe in God, you need to have faith. After all, with so much bloodshed and sadness all around, its time to have some faith or perhaps like the Bon Jovi, its time to ‘Keep the Faith’ alive! Godspeed.

Brand New Year Resolutions for a Brand New You

Simple New Year Resolutions for 2010

It's a brand new year, and while you might not believe in New Year's resolutions ("You forget them halfway through January anyway," is one friend's excuse), January always brings with it the sense of a fresh start.

Here's a list of ways to inspire you to start your year on the right note — and you'll notice that there are no references to quitting smoking and never eating chocolate again! In my view, life is all about moderation, but also being sure to enjoy all the things you love, too, whether it's that glass of wine after work every evening or a frothy cappuccino to get you started in the morning.

These are simply ideas to get you feeling on top of the world as 2010 begins, whether it's a post-festive season cleanser or ditching the gym to take up yoga!

. . . B o d y . . .

Inspire Yourself To Get Fit - Change Your Exercise Regime!

It's a new year and you're already dreading going back to the gym. Just the thought of the Gym makes you want to dive back under your duvet, even though you could really do with a post-festive season workout! If this sounds like you, perhaps it's time to change your exercise regime and opt for something that's less of a chore — something you really look forward to doing and can actually enjoy!

There are so many more exciting ways to get fit and toned, while also improving mental agility and even raising your consciousness. In the East, exercise is treated holistically, targeting not only the health of the body but also of the mind and soul, the thinking behind this being that you can't have one without the other. There's so much to choose from, too, from Kick Boxing or Kung fu (which you can now do at many gyms) to Tae Kwon Do and Karate.

The exercise of choice for stars like Madonna, Yoga is another way to get your body, mind and soul in tip-top shape. There are several different types of this ancient art form from which to choose and so much stuff on the net that you can read about the various types of yoga and also help you find instructors/classes in your area.

. . . M I N D . . .

Get Reading!

In a country where so many adults are illiterate, count yourself lucky that you've had the kind of education (hopefully - though if you are reading this, then you can read!) that allows you to access the vast, wonderful world of books, opening up infinite depths of information to you as well as allowing you to escape into distant or parallel universes through fiction, or have your soul touched through poetry and other erudite forms of prose.

If you've been labouring through that one dog-eared book for the last 12 months, either resolve to finish it (and do it) or ditch it! If you find the cost of books prohibitive, renew your library membership — you will be impressed by how up-to-date our librarians are!

If you need motivation to read more, join a book club — or start your own! This is what you do: get your friends together (and invite them to introduce someone new to the group) and plan to meet with your fellow book club members once a month, with someone different hosting at their home each time. Pool your resources to buy books (each person buys a book per month - you can get lists of new and recommended books from your local book store) which can then be shared, discussed and enjoyed within the group. Eventually, the books will become the property of individual group members.

Exercise Your Grey Matter!

Get your poor, under-used brain in shape by embarking on a little mental gymnastics! No, you don't have to start solving Mensa-style puzzles — simply start using that grey matter a little more! A fun way to get the brain cells working is by getting into crossword puzzles. Even games like Scrabble played with friends are better for your brain than staring vacantly at the telly. This level of problem solving can ultimately help you cope better with some of the other problematic stuff that crops up in our day to day lives. And what fun to be able to pepper your conversations with the new vocabulary you've picked up in your dictionary during your search for that right word!

Beat Stress!

Whatever research you do on the Internet and in health related books, you keep coming back to information citing stress as one of the most important factors influencing disease and a wide range of "modern day" complaints like panic attacks, depression and insomnia. With our work styles mostly having adapted to increased pressure to cut costs and yet produce more, we have to deal with longer hours, more demands and often less money.

Apart from work, things like finances and even family can get the blood pressure up. The only thing is, most of this is unavoidable (like that traffic jam you have to sit in twice a day!), so we pretty much have to learn to deal with stress as a part of life. Of course, even though it can be difficult, we have to learn not to let life get to us and also how to enjoy our lives more!

Luckily, there are many ways to overcome stress — exercise being one! Deep breathing is another (most of us breathe shallowly without even realising it. Stop what you're doing right now — breathe in slowly to your lungs' capacity, hold your breath for a few seconds, now gently and slowly exhale for the same length of your inhalation. Do it a few more times. Feel better?). Then, there are a host of "alternative" therapies and forms of exercise you can try, from tai chi to yoga. Get into meditating. Treat yourself to a Reiki, reflexology or long, super-relaxing aromatherapy massage session. You will feel relaxed afterwards!

. . . S o u l . . .

Resolve To Spend More Time In Nature!

Is this you? Every day you wake up, get in your car, drive to work, sit in the office (or drive around in your car) all day, perhaps taking a quick break for lunch which you eat on the run. Then it's back to the office, off to the gym and back home for supper, a bit of TV, then off to bed. By the time the weekend arrives, all you want to do is sleep late at perhaps hire piles of videos or watch movies to escape the routine.

While there's no harm in doing any of this, it can be all too easy (especially if you live and work in a large city) to "forget" to enjoy the soothing benefits of our natural world. And we happen to live in one of the finest countries in the world when it comes to natural beauty! There's something incredibly healing about being "close to" or "near" the earth; about spending time marveling at nature's magnificence and sheer perfection, whether during a walk on the beach at sunset or in the park early in the morning when drops of dew still glisten on petal and leaf.
Resolve to wake up earlier on weekends and drive to the veldt or mountains or sea to hike or picnic or simply just be, and take your supper outside on hot summer nights. Your life will be so much the richer for spending more time in nature, and for noticing and appreciating small, simple things... like the colour of the sea, the formation of a cloud, the smell before a thunderstorm...

Pray and Meditate!

Prayer and Meditation offer a way of finding inner peace in a world that sees you always occupied with one or another activity, with a mind that's constantly buzzing with thoughts, ideas and worries. For many of us, finding a retreat from the incessant "noise" in our minds seems unlikely — there's just so much going on in there!

However, it is possible to find that "inner quiet" — through prayer and meditation, which is essentially about allowing the mind to rest and go quiet. Religions around the world have used meditation for centuries to "purify the mind and body" – monks do it, the clergy do it, and now many a man-and-woman-in-the-street are enjoying the benefits of retreating inwards for a short period each day.

If you are going to try meditating, then most of the experts agree it should be performed daily (early morning is best), preferably at the same time and before a meal; the spot chosen for meditation should be quiet and used specially for the purpose (unplug the telephone!) and one should be sitting upright with the spine straight. Playing soft music also helps some people. You can open or close the eyes while meditating, but if the eyes are open it is recommended that you "gaze on a blank wall" or the object you have chosen to concentrate on. The duration of your meditation is up to you – beginners usually start with about ten minutes at a time.

Get In Touch With Your Spiritual Side!

Whether it's going back to your church or other place of worship regularly if your attendance might have lapsed, praying more, going on a Buddhist or meditative retreat, or simply taking time out to quietly acknowledge your place in the world, resolve to nurture your soul as much as you look after your body and your mind. Bringing ritual into your life, whatever your religion or beliefs carries with it a rich sense of fulfillment for the individual. The rituals can be small, and meaningless to others, whether it's lighting candles and incense when you pray or turning your daily meals with your family into a time of loving togetherness; it's essentially about making every moment of your life more meaningful to you.

Here's to a healthy, happy, brand New You!

Hope, Sea Dolphins & Electric Lemons

This is my first blog post after an extended 55 day break. And I have my reasons.

I had been working overtime on a big idea, giving life to an ostensibly brilliant scheme of mine (at least that is what I wish to believe). I wanted my idea to fly like the Wright Brothers' first home-made airplane but I am not building a new aircraft in case you were curious….rather something that would spawn employment, help the poor, save the planet and also generate a fairly decent amount of money.

Alas, not even a single investor (I met three) seemed to share my social entrepreneurial beliefs. They were okay with the money angle but not with the saving the planet thing or helping the underprivileged. Can’t blame though, they wanted to fund a money-making business venture and not a Mother Teresa themed non-profit as they misread mine to be.

After almost a year of refining my idea, getting the right people on board, fixing the maths and even micro fine-tuning my elevator pitch (that’s the presentation you make to your investors), I was obviously very disappointed. And it took me almost a week of introspection at a secluded beach resort to get through the disillusion.

Perhaps the azure waters of the sea had a reassuring effect on me or maybe it was sanguine hope of the touristy young kids I befriended at the hotel. Every day, they would wait with me on the beach front, waiting to catch a glimpse of the elusive dolphins the resort brochure claimed were aplenty there. That it was a gimmick was apparently evident but the kids believed anyway. While I would lounge on the beach reading Stephen King with Cold Play and Collective Soul for company, they would sit around with binoculars and digital cameras intently inspecting the sea, waiting for the right moment. 3 days elapsed but they never lost hope and impressed with their dedication, I didn’t wish to discourage them.

During sundown on the 4th day of my stay, their efforts paid off. In true Hollywood style that even astonished the resort staff, we were entertained with a breath taking spectacle of at least 9 to 10 small dolphins, frolicking in concert, around 200 meters from the shore. It was a spectacular show indeed but what made it more special were the kids who were relishing every moment of it, shouting and juggling their digital gadgets, completely satisfied at their 4 day wait.

This episode reminded me of a similar experience during my childhood. It is about an electric lemon experiment my friend Bobby and I attempted for our sixth grade science fair project. It sounded so cool. A lemon, the library science hobby book said, could put out enough electrical energy to power a small light bulb. We rounded up a lemon, a small flashlight bulb and some copper wire from a defunct radio the day before the school fair and figured we were all set to glory.

Our experiment was aptly named ‘Lemon Electricity’. On the day of the science fair, Bobby and I poked two pieces of the copper wire into opposite ends of the lemon and wrapped the other ends around the base of the light bulb holder as the book instructed. But nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. We kept jabbing the wires into the other end of the lemon and fiddling with the bulb, but to no avail. We thought our lemon might be a dud or maybe the bulb was dead too so, we used the additional lemons and bulbs we had bought along for backup but it still didn’t work. We became desperate, we asked around but of course, there were no fresh lemons or bulbs to be found in the school canteen. So, Bobby and I sat at our allotted booth with our punctured lemons and a wet set of bulbs demonstrating to the fair visitors how it was, well, supposed to work.

I still love the idea that a lemon can produce electricity. And over the years, I’ve become fascinated by simple people who have the optimistic resolve to ride out failures and the courage to push the damp letter out of the wet envelope. They are the generators of hope, ordinary people you’ll encounter who are pushing extraordinary ideas in different ways. There are some people I personally know who inspire me and push me to move on; calling to mind my favorite definition of Hope which comes from the American Heritage Dictionary “the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain..”

So regardless of whether it’s starting a company, passing an exam or marrying the girl of your dreams, its important to never give up Hope. After all, it is Hope that inspires you to dream and encourages you to follow your own electric lemons, dolphins or other ideas, no matter how big or small.

And by the way, Bobby and I did figure out a technique to get the lemons to work (you use concentrated lemon juice instead). It also won us a prize during our seventh grade science fair. If anyone of you reading this has gotten an electric lemon to work, I’d love to hear from you on how you did it. With lots of hope, tata.

An Inner Journey

A Spiritual Journey for the New Year

Its a New Year and this is a Journey I intend to take. Intend? Time For a little Websnacker philosophy

We travel to discover new worlds and experience new environments. We travel to experience ourselves in different ways, free of the normal constraints of our lives. We travel to see ourselves mirrored in other people and cultures in the world - at some deep level recognizing that we are all brothers and sisters, and reveling in our diversity, our uniqueness, even our eccentricities. We travel to face our fears-and to overcome them. We travel to test our mettle and expand our own boundaries. We travel to seek fun and excitement. We travel because, at our core, we humans are explorers and yearn for adventure. We long to break the monotony of our civilized, ever-so-rational, planned-out lives.

Discovery and adventure are also accessed through an inner journey, however, and, because it ultimately holds the potential fulfilment of all our desires, the inner journey is the most exciting, challenging and rewarding one there is. It is a sacred quest fraught with challenges and opportunities for growth disguised as obstacles. So many of our wisest teachers tell us to "know ourselves" and to "go inside" to search for the answers to all our questions. Jesus said, "the kingdom of heaven is within". The Hindu sage, Nityananda, said, "the heart is the hub of all sacred places-go there and roam". Religious historian Elaine Pagels said, "when you know yourself deeply, you will know God, because you will discover that the divine is within you". In the highest sense, knowing ourselves means getting a glimpse of our ultimate divinity. Our main responsibility in life is to go within to discover who we are and then become the best "us" that we can be. Only we can do that; no one can do it for us. This is a universal imperative, regardless of gender, race, color, nationality or religious background.

So let us travel within-fearlessly. Inside is a fountain of courage and a source of infinite strength. Inside we finally find the relief of self-acceptance, the peace of understanding, the joy and humility of living with purpose. When we "come in" we are energized and enlivened by an inner resolve, a potent inner force. Inside is where we recognize our essential humanity-and connect to the spark of divinity that we all contain. It is also where we come to the realization of our oneness, where we find self-respect and, consequently, the respect of others. It is where we touch a love both tender and vulnerable -a love that hurts for the tragedy of the human condition and for our abused and neglected Earth. We discover a universe within as unfathomably limitless as the one without. Passion makes its home there, as do dreams.

On this journey we must also face our inner demons and nightmares-our shadow side that we have attempted to suppress. Throughout this never-ending journey of self-discovery, we must strive to remain open and integrate all of ourselves, the good and the bad-no longer rejecting parts of who we are. While inside, we discover how much we have become conditioned. The inner quest prompts us to analyze and often deconstruct entire systems of belief-not which we have previously interpreted reality- and which no longer serve us or fit who we are becoming. Inside we regain our lost innocence. We discover that the fear holding us back is only an illusion-a self-imposed imprisonment as pathetic and vulnerable as the Wizard in Oz trapped behind his razzle-dazzle effects, his curtain of smoke and mirrors. Inside we tap into the source of our creative expression; we discover and deepen our innate intuitive sense. Inside we find the only thing that will really fulfil us: our selves.

There are many paths leading us to the inner world. Meditation, in its various forms, is one of the most effective. The main goal of meditation is to quiet the mind, so that we can temporarily halt its constant thinking, analytic and problem-solving functions. In meditation we strive to focus the mind in the present moment, rather than giving it free rein to obsess about the past or fantasize about the future. When we learn to free ourselves from the mind's constant schemings and preoccupations, the result is an abiding peace-an indescribable scene of relief-as well as flashes of insight, increased clarity of thinking and unanticipated solutions to our problems.

In some ways, breath work, which may be considered a from of meditation, could be though of as the autobahn to the inner world. It works very fast, and even new practitioners can attain high meditative states the first time out of the pit. Traditional Indians have been using their breath for healing and as a means of reaching altered states of consciousness for thousands of years. Besides their healing effects, conscious breathing techniques, such as rebirthing or holotropic breathing, can generate a profound sense of spiritual connectedness.

Chanting is another meditative practice that helps quiet the mind, potentially leading to deepened levels of inner peace and heightened states of being. Chanting works best when done for a substantive period of time (at least 30 minutes to an hour) and helps us to allow free expression to our innate feelings of devotion. For those who are physically inclined or who have short attention spans, meditative practices involving movement may be most effective; these include yoga, tai chi, qi gong, walking the labyrinth and ecstatic dancing.

Yet another way of going within is communing with nature. Solitary moments in beautiful natural settings can lead to profound inner peace and a deep spiritual connection. Our bodies quiet and relax as they become more attuned to the cycles of nature.Besides the many benefits gained from these and other spiritual practices-such as deepened insight, an expanded sense of self and a richer awareness of our oneness with the universe-a life that works better is the icing on the cake.

It is important to realize that a likely result of exploring the inner landscapes is a propulsion into action. Having faced our inner demons and dropped our old identities of woundedness and vicitimization, we reemerge transformed as the beings that we really are: empowered compassionate, loving, ready to make a difference in the world and fully able to embrace the totality of life. In this sense, coming out means emerging as who we are really are.

Having discovered who we are at a deeper level and experienced our connection to all life and to the divine, we often emerge as spiritual travellers, environmental activists, moral leaders, change catalysts, social reformers and justice workers. In a sense, going within and coming out are two sides of the same coin, the inhale and the exhale. For, as James Allen says in As we Think (new world library), "You cannot travel within and stand still without". Once we reestablish our rightful place in relationship to nature and the rest of the universe, everything else falls into place. We begin to treat the Earth, its resources and its other inhabitants with respect.

In terms of taking action, the single most important thing we can do in life is to go for our personal best. Tom Waddell, the equal gender activist, once said, "To do one's personal best is the ultimate of all human achievement", Whether we stretch toward personal excellence step by step or leap by leap, the move forward is the ultimate goal. In making our own unique contribution, we will find fulfillment.

It all begins with the journey within. Inner space: the final frontier. This is the ultimate adventure, the real test, the answer to our questions, the resolution of problems. Therein lies our happiness and our life's fulfillment. So, start your journey today.