Monday, August 30, 2010

Asking a Man Out?

Why a Woman Should Ask a Man Out?

What’s wrong with a woman asking a Man out? This was question posed to me by a former female colleague who was complaining that a guy she had been eyeing for months had coldly vetoed her proposal for an evening date. She felt humiliated, she rued. And she was asking me (of all people) for an answer.

I really didn’t know what to say. Maybe, she shouldn’t have asked the man out. This isn't because I believe it's the divine role or godly duty of man to do the asking out but maybe, he just didn’t like her.

Or maybe quite simply, asking out a member of the opposite sex requires the kind of self-esteem that allows you to cope with even a dash of rejection. Put another way, most of us are cowards, not willing to muster the courage to ask a man (or a woman) out. So, when we eventually make the attempt and fail, we turn into inconsolable cry babies.

And of course, being the one that's chased is not without benefits. You get to feel like royalty, you call the shots, you decide the time, you decide where to go - you can play the mystery card until you decide when to stop and you're under no obligation - after all they asked you out didn't they?

But times are a changing (I sound so old when I say that - but it's true they are!) In fact I could count how many times a very handsome friend of mine has been 'chased' in the last two years alone. Maybe it's the self-confident, assertive women who do the asking out that are starting to nab all the decent guys first. Lucky them.

If you are a woman, you may wonder why asking a guy out is such a big deal? All you have to say is, 'd'ya fancy going to the pub tonite?' Just like you would to a pal. It's not like you're offering him sex, or asking him to marry you or anything serious like that. All you're suggesting is that you get to know each other a bit better - take it or leave it.

But then let's face it; there aren't all that many warm, funny, intelligent and damn fine-looking men out there. So if you do come across one of these rare specimens, you need to get in there - quick.

And you need to be obvious. Most men don't understand subtlety. If you opt for hanging around him, fluttering your eyelashes and acting coy, he won't interpret this as flirting, he'll just think you've are a nervous tic. Perhaps, clearing the way for some other, more obvious (and self-assured) lady to steam in there. She might not be as attractive or pretty as you, but at least he'll know where he stands. Besides, confidence is a huge turn-on - show me a guy who wouldn't be flattered by the attention, and I'll show you a goddamn liar.

And finally, let’s deal with the rejection. So what if he knocks you back? Maybe he wasn't simply attracted to you - but you know what they say, one man's meat is another man's poison. Believe it or not, there are guys out there who don't fancy Angelina Jolie or Aishwarya Rai. Not many, admittedly, but you get my point. So, if you are the kind who has been recently vetoed down – don’t take it personally, put it behind you - and move onto the next one. And when the time is ripe, ask him out! You never know, he just might say YES.

What do you reckon? Should men still do the asking out? Or should sisters start doing it for themselves? [This post has been selected for this week's Tangy Tuesday Picks at BlogAdda]


  1. I think we make a hell of lot of noise about dating than should colleges and schools will solve the nervousness between the sexes and the complexities of rejection.

  2. You know Tariq, there are no definite rules for this. One has to play by instinct. I asked my guy out nine years ago and it worked. We are still on. So there are no hard and fast rules.

    Joy always,

  3. Sane advice Nalini! And Susan, with nine years and running, you can be a role model!

  4. I have low self esteem so it's an advantage for me is a girl would ask me out or show her intentions, and most of all, i like her as well. makes the game easy.

  5. have low self esteem with a macho name is really something to talk about. Anyway, always remember self esteem whether high or low is just a state of mind! enjoy the dating game.

  6. well the easiest way to let the guy you are interested is to look into his eyes for 3-5 seconds and smile and move on with whatever you were doing. This is not to be confused with a stare, (where you look at the face not the eyes)
    There won't be any verbal rejection, so you ego is safer.

    IF he is also interested, he is going to make a move. If he is interested but couldn't get the message, one has to wonder if he is worth it.

    with apologise to the visually challenged for being insensitive.

    the above strategy has worked and is patented by me:)
    an untested strategy, spreading the rumour the guy is gay. being on the defensive, the guy desperately searches for any girl to date, to prove he is not gay. but won't work if he has too many girls to choose from.

    PS : hey forget jolie or jen aniston, princess diana was rejected for camilla,

  7. spot on wise donkey! btw, princess diana vs camilla, that was indeed hard to digest. thanks.

  8. I agree with your advice to the woman who is rejected: Take it in your stride and move on. Haven't men been doing it all the time? :)

  9. These days many girls are asking out the guys,in fact just a week back .. few of my classmates were giggling on and on ..and apparently deciding on how to ask out "the guy", though it sounded more like stock investment :P . but still, times have changed ... now people go after what they want instead of hesitating.

  10. @Roshmi, long time, no see! not all men are cruel though!

    @ Rashmi, what about you? will you ask a guy out!

  11. That entirely depends upon how many green signals are there, but the problem in my case is that I always fail to notice such signals... :P

  12. Oh it sure as hell sounds like you were asked out recently:P

  13. A great post.. hopped in from Blogadda :) I guess whether it's a girl asking out or a boy asking out, it doesnt matter as long as the other person involved is interested too..

    But I was just wondering, was this post written by a female or a male? (Just curious):)

  14. Hi Avada..thanks for the visit. And to feed your curiosity..I am a heterosexual male!


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