Sunday, September 27, 2009

Bushisms : Hilarious DimWitted Wisdom of George W Bush

Listed below are some great tongue slippers from George Walker Bush - the former President of the great U.S of A during his history defining 8 year misrule. Its ironic to realize that in spite of being born with a golden spoon, educated at Yale and Harvard and hobnobbing with the best minds the presidency could buy, George Bush seemed to be so visibly poor in English, History, Georgraphy...well, almost everything!! Here are some of his most memorable mispronouncements (sourced from the Web, CNN, BBC and elsewhere).

ON HIMSELF
"I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake." --on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006
"They misunderestimated me."Bentonville, Arkansas, 6 November, 2000
''I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right." Rome, 22 July, 2001
"There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again."Nashville, Tennessee, 17 September, 2002
"There's no question that the minute I got elected, the storm clouds on the horizon were getting nearly directly overhead."Washington DC, 11 May, 2001
"I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today. He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me."Nashville, Tennessee, 27 May, 2004

ON TERRORISM & FOREIGN AFFAIRS
"I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best."—Washington, D.C., Jan. 12, 2009
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." Washington DC, 5 August, 2004
"For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times."Tokyo, 18 February, 2002
"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorise himself."Grand Rapids, Michigan, 29 January, 2003
"I think war is a dangerous place." Washington DC, 7 May, 2003
"The ambassador and the general were briefing me on the - the vast majority of Iraqis want to live in a peaceful, free world. And we will find these people and we will bring them to justice."Washington DC, 27 October, 2003
"Free societies are hopeful societies. And free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat."Washington DC, 17 September, 2004
"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror."CBS News, Washington DC, 6 September, 2006
"And they have no disregard for human life."—Describing the brutality of Afghan fighters, Washington, D.C., July 15, 2008
"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." --Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001
"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." --Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001
"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." --Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

ON EDUCATION
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"Florence, South Carolina, 11 January, 2000
"Reading is the basics for all learning."Reston, Virginia, 28 March, 2000
"As governor of Texas, I have set high standards for our public schools, and I have met those standards."CNN, 30 August, 2000
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.''Townsend, Tennessee, 21 February, 2001

ON ECONOMICS & HEALTHCARE
"You work three jobs? ... Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." --to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005
"I understand small business growth. I was one."New York Daily News, 19 February, 2000
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."Reuters, 5 May, 2000
"I do remain confident in Linda. She'll make a fine Labour Secretary. From what I've read in the press accounts, she's perfectly qualified."Austin, Texas, 8 January, 2001
"First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill."Washington DC, 19 May, 2003
"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." --at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
"I don't think we need to be subliminable about the differences between our views on prescription drugs."Orlando, Florida, 12 September, 2000
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."Poplar Bluff, Missouri, 6 September, 2004

ON TECHNOLOGY
"Will the highways on the internet become more few?"Concord, New Hampshire, 29 January, 2000
"It would be a mistake for the United States Senate to allow any kind of human cloning to come out of that chamber."Washington DC, 10 April, 2002
"Information is moving. You know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it's also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets."Washington DC, 2 May, 2007

ON LOCAL GOVERNANCE
"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it." --Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001
"I have a different vision of leadership. A leadership is someone who brings people together. Bartlett, Tennessee, 18 August, 2000
"I'm the decider, and I decide what is best."Washington DC, 18 April, 2006
"And truth of the matter is, a lot of reports in Washington are never read by anybody. To show you how important this one is, I read it, and [Tony Blair] read it."On the publication of the Baker-Hamilton Report, Washington DC, 7 December, 2006
"All I can tell you is when the governor calls, I answer his phone."San Diego, California, 25 October, 2007
"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."Washington DC, 12 May, 2008

SPECIAL MENTIONS
"This thaw—took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while to unthaw."—Alexandria, La., Oct. 20, 2008
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."Saginaw, Michigan, 29 September, 2000
"That's George Washington, the first president, of course. The interesting thing about him is that I read three - three or four books about him last year. Isn't that interesting?"Speaking to reporter Kai Diekmann, Washington DC, 5 May, 2006
"Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people."—Charlottesville, Va., July 4, 2008
"Amigo! Amigo!" George W. Bush, calling out to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi in Spanish at the G-8 Summit, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008
"Your eminence, you're looking good." --George W. Bush to Pope Benedict XVI, using the title for Catholic cardinals, rather than addressing him as "your holiness," Rome, June 13, 2008
"I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." -Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001
"Do you have blacks, too?" --to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Clients, Wives and One Night Stands


Its Time to Nurture Clients as Family

Okay, let me tell you upfront that this is not a seedy take on extra-marital bang bangs but an allegory of client-agency relationships. As we move ever closer to the next frontier, there is no doubt that we are seeing a momentous alteration in the role of advertising and creative agencies. There are two key areas of change currently taking place. The first is, of course, the rising might of the New Media – read the power of the internet, social media, twitter, facebook, google, the eworks. The second and more understated, is the role ad agencies now play in developing a client's marketing and sales strategy and the growth of mature, continuing client relationships, like an enduring marriage.

The area of most spectacular change is, of course, New Media, as clients and agencies have become more adroit in using online advertising & electronic marketing as an effectual part of the overall marketing blend. Yet, many clients and many agencies are still not fully sentient of the opportunities available from marketing through the Internet and as time will surely tell, it will be much bigger and better than any of us can ever picture.

Lets now come back to our original reference of client and agency symbiosis. In the early days, agencies dealing with 'below the line' advertising or even conventional style advertising were driven by single one time projects or rather creative ‘one night stands’. Before and behind us stretched an apparently infinite set of very short term, tactical work, some of which might occasionally add up to something substantially larger and attractive, but still mostly one off projects. And customarily, the role of advertising agencies was to come up with the Big Idea first. Increasingly however, the spotlight now is to brainstorm, research, test and develop a longer term stratagem first. Once this is in place, the big ideas develop in tune with the strategy.

These long-term projects place greater importance on consumer research and the increased work put into client planning means that advertising & sales promotion activity has now become a much closer understanding of the consumer and the client needs. In turn, this has meant that strategic advertising and niche promotions have become more refined like a courtship, pregnant with unique dynamics that fit closely into the core offer of the targeted brand.

Many agencies fail to understand this and blame annoyed clients instead, reluctant to admit that something deep down in us still yearns for the good old one-time project days. We agency types just can’t kick the sales driven habit of running after those ‘one-night’ projects and as a result, our appearance at the client family table sometimes starts to look rather dubious. To continue the allegory, we may be pretending to eat, enjoying the food but apart, from that, our table manners still sometimes send out suspicious and wrong messages.

However, as caring wives, clients are increasingly enthusiastic to listen to what we have to say and welcome our participation as strategic advisers of the family. To improve that further still, we have to focus more on trust, building the business kindred links we have with our existing customers and ditch our ‘more orders, old sales’ unattached mentality. Unless we do that, the sound, valuable business advice and solid support we can give will go unheeded and a major opportunity to grow our business and industry will be mislaid.

We should not let that happen and break our client-centric families; the main reason because anyone who does continue to try to increase their business solely through new projects alone will find it more and more, difficult to grow. Clients are willing to work with us in new ways and the potential for significant growth and expansion is clearly still there. Perhaps, it's time to "say "adieu" to the one-off project and embrace clients as our newly wed wives. Shower them your love and they’ll love you back. After all, you are family.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Not So Secret Recipes For Employee Motivation


Recently, I was called to speak on “Employee Motivation” at a Business Luncheon organized by a Travel brand discussing ‘Innovation in Business’. Yes, the buzz term – “Innovation” is still very much in Business. The organizers wanted to know how my company with its little crew has been able to withstand the recessionary winds and continue sailing on while our bigger step brothers are almost on SOS rescue missions. Real innovation, hard work or sheer luck; what was our secret recipe? Maybe a mix of all but I would stress more on ‘Team Spirit’ of our small but extraordinarily motivated workforce.

As the advertising and creative industry moves into the next century, everything and nothing has changed for all those involved. And if this seems a rather incongruous statement, let us first mull over our parental ancestors - Adam and Eve. Way back before time began, Eve motivated and Adam succumbed to what could be described as the first incentive - the legendary apple.

I think this is where the root of the changes, or not, in our industry lie. Certain fundamentals of human behavior always remain the same irrespective of time, fashion and history. There will always be a need for people to be motivated and rewarded in their personal and professional lives. So while the foundations of our whole business remain intact, performance is always influenced by behavior. It is all about stimulus and enticement to create the 'best' from people, which of course ultimately impacts organizational culture, brand success and ultimately, bottom line.

The changes that companies will experience, and my company is no exception, are the pace and way that we work. With the advent of technology and science, the physical 'make up' of staff performance programmes has of course evolved. Back in the 70's when new companies formed and management mantra evolved, employees may have aspired to be awarded a Polaroid camera or a Beegees trilogy, whereas today the sky is really and literally the limit. In fact, there is this incentive company which arranges space rides aboard experimental spacecrafts and even jet fighters for a price for your star performers.

Now, new technology and new products develop at such a rate that the challenge is too keep one step ahead and explore just what really is cutting edge and what will actually inspire. This is certainly true of companies worldwide as they strive to keep one step ahead of global product development.

The advance in technology also reflects the way that people have developed. Employees have become far more empowered, and expect to make an active contribution to the management of the organization they work for. Not surprisingly, with their participation and dedication increasing, so does their need for incentive and reward. A staff performance programme must understand what actually drives individuals, as a change in approach is the key to influencing a shift in long term behavior. As for the ongoing debate in the industry as to whether cash, vouchers, merchandise or indeed travel are the most effective mechanisms for a performance based incentive scheme, I think they all play an dynamic part.

We are a ‘incentive middle-of-the-road neutral’ company and actually try hard to implement schemes that will not only encourage staff but make sure that they are equipped with the right skills to get the most out of their individual and therefore total performance. We also spend a great deal of time and investment in inspiring our own people to commit to our brand and culture. It is absolutely crucial for our success, just as it is for our clients, that as an organization we have to have a well-trained, motivated, strong and devoted workforce.

At our company, we believe that whether you use a trip to Dubai, a custom designed IPod or a tailored incentive voucher scheme to egg on your employees, the end result remains the same. It is about identifying exactly what will keep an individual motivated to 'practice' the values of the organization he/she works for. Based on this behavior, lifestyle and aspirations, you can tailor a motivation programme that covers every incentive tool or just one, but it must be part of a clear strategy that encourages employees to take accountability for enhancing their company brand.

Let’s take a branded retail outlet for instance. The manager, the cashier, the merchandiser and the accountant will all have very dissimilar demands of a synchronized business performance programme. So that is where the challenge lies. In tailoring a programme which 'speaks' to everyone individually and yet at the same time, can potentially make use of every motivational and incentive element available. The programme must also understand how each of these people plays a critical part in their company brand culture.

As to the future of employee motivation, the logistics are certainly shifting - 'e' gifts and online incentive schemes have grown and matured to sophisticated limits, travel has becomes more exploratory, and employee lifestyles these days are increasingly urbane. However the nucleus of any business, and of course the industry at large, is about motivating people to give their best performance - to build triumphant brands across the world.

So, by 2100, staff will probably want a trip to the Moon, reward points to stay at an underwater deep sea hotel, vouchers to buy longevity pills, etcetera but these would be still just merchandise used to induce and incentivize employees as part of a staff performance programme. And I think this is what makes the business of employee motivation so interesting - the fact that we would have changed dramatically and yet, since the world began, NOT at all. Eve perhaps, has a lot to answer for!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Teenaged Randy Misadventures

I have always been a passionate guy. Oh yes, don't laugh, I have! Read on for a bit of adolescent passion from my teenage days: Grrrrrrrr!

See what I mean? I bet you're all of a tremble now. I have this effect on women. When a girl sees me, she instantly recognizes that I am what one of them described as a "powerhouse of passion!" Later, when we had a row, she said she called me that because there was steam coming out of my ears, but never mind.

Now passionate guys like me have to come to a very important decision early in our lives. Do we spend the rest of our days stupidly chasing after women, ruining our constitutions, abandoning our pride and covering ourselves in embarrassment? Or do we have a quick neat surgical operation and then take up coin collecting instead?

In my case this was not a difficult decision. You see, I don't like coins. And so, my career as a full-time passionate lover began without hindrance. I was nine at the time and fell madly and passionately in love with Maya (who was eight and a half). I sat next to Maya in class. Boys did not normally sit next to girls. But my teacher had put me with the girls as a punishment which tells you more about my teacher than it does about me.

There was something totally devastating about Maya. Perhaps it was because she was the only girl in class who didn't wear a brace on her teeth. Perhaps it was the casual way she tucked her shirt, perhaps... So, with tender innocence, I passed her a note declaring my love. Sweetly, charmingly, she told me she hated the sight of me.

Well, I did my best to win her love. I scrubbed my knees in the bath. I stopped scratching. I stopped sniffing. My mother couldn't believe it. But it didn't work. Maya would not admit that she loved me. I begged and I pleaded. I exploded with brutal masculine anger. I grizzled. I even tried bribery - half my chocolate bar at break! But nothing worked.

Eventually I resorted to the one weapon remaining to a pre-teen lover. I twisted her arm. Then, in the throes of both emotional and physical agony, Maya admitted that she loved me. What a fantastic moment for a passionate guy. The girl of my dreams had agreed that she was mine. Fantastic! Of course, I immediately went right off her.

That incident belongs to the days when I was school boyish young, sexually inexperienced and sublimely happy.

Let us move forward five or six years, to days when I was still young, still sexually green, and going steadily out of my mind with frustration. It was then that I met Julie.

Julie taught me that it is not a sense of moral values that keeps a girl, on the straight and narrow. It is not religious scruples either or fear of pregnancy, or ambition to ' be the ‘ Virgin of the Month’ awardee, or anything like that. It is her parents. Yes, wherever Julie and I went and whatever we did, we always had, this sort of sneaking feeling that someone was looking over our shoulder. And we were right, it was usually her Dad or in lesser cases, her Mum. Now this sort of thing couldn't go on for long without one of us breaking down, as the art mistress said to the gardener.

Julie was a good girl, too good a daughter. She would not even consider deceiving her parents. So I did the considering for her and very grateful she was too. Our chance came when, by a magnificent stroke of luck, one of her relatives – a great, great grand uncle died!

Sorry, but you have to be honest about these things. Julie's parents (who were apparently close to the great departed uncle) were immediately stricken with grief. Then right after that they were stricken with the idea of snaffling some of the family heirlooms as he was a bachelor. So they packed a case, took along an extra one for the goodies and left for the funeral. Some 400 long kms away.

Julie was left alone in the house. Alone! For about 10 minutes. Then I got there. Whoopee! A night of love and passion stretched before us. Only. . . the trouble is, you see, I was brought up to be a nice honorable sort of chap. And Julie had been put on her honor to behave and so somehow, after a brief cuddle on the sofa, we both felt so guilty that anything carnally else was ruled out of the question.

So Julie made up a bed for me in the spare room, and then we went and sat in the kitchen together - she in her satiny nighty, me in her father's night suit. She drank her cocoa while I had Coffee. And we talked and then the door opened and her parents, Yes, her parents walked in. Their car had broken down 40 kms out.

All hell broke loose. Her father threw me out into the street. Neither parent believed me when I told them of our innocent intentions. They didn't believe me when I said I wasn't going to touch their daughter. They didn't believe me when I said I was going to spend the night in their spare room, and not creep along into Julie's room in the small hours. They just didn't believe me. I don't blame them. I didn't believe me, either.

It was at this juncture in my life that I decided to surrender my morals in favor of my basic passionate nature. No longer would I listen to the still small voice of my conscience, or even to the loud nagging voice of my mother. Instead, I would do what I wanted to do. I would obey the dictates of my mannish urge. I would sup deeply from the Cup Of Life! Bottoms up!

The first girl with whom I attempted to take a swig was with the flamboyant Sara. One rather chilly winter night, I had a phone call. I was sitting at home at the time, idly leafing through my copy of "Big Chests Monthly." (No, no, no, it's about antiques.). The phone call was from Sara and she wanted to know if I'd like to go swimming with her. There and then. That night. At midnight. I was about to say no, because the water was cold enough to give a brass monkey distinct cause for testicular concern. But then Sara went on . . .

"I know this guy who has his own heated pool, no one's using it tonight. We could be alone there and swim together. What do you say?" Well, I said. . . well, what do you think I said?

Let me cut quickly to the scene. There's me, in a little darkened room beside this impressive but deserted pool, ripping off my clothes with urgent haste, struggling with awkward buttons, in what can only be described as a lather of anticipation. Outside on the pool edge, I could hear Sara calling: "Hurry up! Aren't you ready yet? I'm ready!" And finally, so was I. I had cast off almost every vestige of clothing. Almost bare and unabashed, I leapt through the doorway with a Tarzan yell.

Suddenly, all the lights come on. The place was full of everyone I knew: Some were in the pool while the others were all mostly dressed (including Sara), holding drinks, and shouting: "Surprise! Gotcha!". I never spoke to Sara again. Well, would you? However, although these stories rightly portray me as a very second-rate Casanova, I would not like you to get the impression that I have never succeeded in winning a girl.

I’m not like my friend. He's hopeless. The closest he has got to a bird in bed was when the dude next door married. Yes, I've had my successes and one of them involved Dimple. Yet I cannot tell you about Dimple unless I also tell you about her best friend, Robin.

Dimple was the girl I fell for. Robin came with Dimple, like a job lot. Robin. .. I ask you! Is that a name, or a new sort of detergent?

I met Dimple on a beach resort. I was just sitting there, looking out to sea, and thinking about Life, and wondering if I could manage another drink, when all of a sudden there she was. She was standing with a crowd of others, but there was something about her that caught my eye. The thing about her was in fact her bikini top. She was putting it on and... well, have you ever tried to get a quart into a pint pot? Exactly.

I was on holiday, so had no time for the gradual decent dude approach. Indeed, there was hardly time for a straight chat-up job. So I didn't hesitate. I went straight up to Dimple, trod on her sunglasses and asked her for a date. Dimple smiled: "All right," she said. "But I'll have to bring my friend Robin."

Dimple proved to be as lovely as her first impression. In fact, both her first impressions. But Robin, well, she had all the sophistication and exotic charm of a cement mixer. She was dull, she was dim, she was dire. She was dreadful. She was the ultimate dead-head.

I should have blown both her and Dimple out. But I only had a week, and anyway Dimple had something extra that made her irresistible. It was easy to see. It stuck out a mile.

I hung on in there, taking them both out all week. On our last night I took the pair of them to a drive-in. I bided my time. And then, when I judged that, Robin was sufficiently engrossed in popcorn and how Harrison Ford saved the world, I held a secret conversation with Dimple. I'm ashamed to tell you what I arranged for us to do.Well. . . no I'm not.

I suggested to Dimple that she come to my room at 11 o'clock that night. And, after the statutory protests, Dimple agreed. Eleven o'clock came. I sat in the dark, trembling with anticipation. Would she come? The door opened quietly, and I saw her feminine shape slip into the room. I came to meet her and she folded into my arms.

She wore the flimsiest of dresses and her perfume filled the air. . . I don't think I'd better go on any more. Oh, I don't know – why not?

She felt smooth, exciting, wonderful. Her lips were soft and passionate, and when she kissed me it aroused a white-hot fire within my veins, and I pulled her to me and….. Sorry, my fingers are slipping on the typewriter keys. Believe me, it was a very, very passionate scene indeed. We were just about to pass the point of no return when there was a noise and the light went on.

The bright lights were blinding. Dimple stood in the doorway.

I was kissing Robin!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

45 Sure Fire Techniques to Get That Gal


She’s awesome, she's gorgeous. And single. One problem: she doesn't seem to know you Exist. Yet! Here’s how to make that spark happen the old fashioned way and get that girl.

[My last post on dumping expendable Girlfriends was a major hit. I am sure this one too will attract some bashing from my female readers.]

In Alphabetical Order

1. Accidentally-on-purpose happen to drop something in front of her as she passes by. If she’s a lady, she'll hand it in straight back to you. Cue: smile winningly as you gaze into her eyes and say thank you.

2. Alternatively, you could try being just dead friendly. Some women love to discover that not all guys are cheapos, and you could just be the one to prove it!

3. Ask her if you could taste your cherry lipstick. Yes, while she is actually wearing it.

4. Beg her home telephone number off a (discreet) mutual friend and somehow try to find the guts to call her. If you can't bear to ask her out, find a reason - any reason. Just make that call!

5. Casually mention that you often shop near her house. Then one day accidentally "appear" as she leaves the house. Bingo!

6. Challenge her to a race. Fall over her. Oops!

7. Check out who her buddies are and befriend them. You'll feel a trillion times more at ease around her if you're in a big group - and if her mates think you're cool, there's a darn good chance she will too.

8. Develop an interest in her fav band /sport/hobby. Even if you can’t stand it, at least don't sneer at it!

9. Ditch the Cricket finals and share the experience of watching a senti sitcom on TV - without once complaining - and she'll know she's met a soul mate.

10. Don't be afraid to disagree with her if you want to go. A guy with a brain and an opinion is one of the biggest turn-ons.

11. Drag her off to the local park for a lark on the swings and roundabouts. Childish, I know, but oh-so-much fun and oh-so-handy to show your hidden innocence.

12. Fake a car trouble and then impress her with your in-depth knowledge of the workings of a car engine and she'll think you're the Brain of the Country.

13. Fish out her ID and find out her star sign and learn all its characteristics by heart. Then you'll be able to appear uncannily perceptive about her personality next time you're in flirt mode. Instant bonding!

14. Find out which bus she gets to college or work, and conveniently position your self on the seat behind her every day for the next week. This girl would have to be blind not to notice you.

15. Flirt with her in secret. Catch her eye and hold her gaze, flash your perfect smile. Those private moments are just sooo sexy.

16. Forget that you fancy her. Wipe from your the mind the fact that she's the most gorgeous thing on two legs and you should be able to speak to her without going red, talking in a high-pitched voice are being sick.

17. Get a 'spare' ticket for the rock concert or the play (if she is the drama type) she's just been dying to see. Then mention that a friend 'tragically' dropped out at the last minute and the ticket's now going begging - how can she ever refuse?

18. Get her to learn in really close to you so she can give you her verdict on your new Gucci perfume. Proximity can be intoxicating.

19. Get some faith. If Brad Pitt managed to bag one of the sexiest women alive, why can't you? OK, you are not Brad Pitt but that's beside the point!

20. Get wet in the rain, look a bit shivery and borrow her jacket (a good way to cover up for the trembles!). Then you'll just have to pop round to her house or office to give it back, won't you?

21. If a Coldplay T-shirt seems to be permanently fixed to her bod, you don't have to be an Einstein to figure out who she listens to. Hey, what a perfect subject for conversation!

22. If she should ever happen to say you look cool, don't go into a three-hour monologue about fat, exercise and supermodels. Just thank her graciously and impress her with your calm self-assurance.

23. If she's the sensitive type, woo her with a romantic letter or poem. Or scribble down the best line from her fave song and stick it in her pocket when no-one's looking. Cute.

24. Ignore her. Well, not exactly, but being a bit aloof and enigmatic can actually work wonders.

25. Invite her over to your house for a candlelit nosh-up a deux. So what if you can’t cook? Dial a Domino or a Pizza Hut in!

26. It's a fact that friendly people attract others, so make sure you like you're enjoying yourself when she's around. And yes, it works better if you actually mean it.

27. Just 'happen' to stroll through the park when she’s taking her dog for a walk. Then, pick up a conversation and act as if you are the dog’s best friend.

28. Look trendy as often as possible when you know you might see her. No, I don't mean tart yourself up; just make sure your hair looks good, you don’t smell rotten, etc. Feeling confident will work wonders for your charm potential. And always carry a Rexona or an Axe roll-on!

29. Offer her a bite of a jammy doughnut. Then wipe an imaginary dribble from her chin, grazing at her lips. Super-sexy.

30. Really listen to her; pay close attention to the details, so you can stun her with the depth of your sensitivity to her innermost thoughts. She'll think you're tops.

31. Set up a marathon Spin-the-Bottle game. Get a trusty chum to rig it so the bottle always seems to be pointing at - quelle surprise! - You and her!

32. She’s got brown eyes? Tell her you love brown eyes. A freckly nose? You love them too. Curly hair? Your absolute favorite. And gosh, that sure makes her feel good.

33. Show great concern for the traumas in her life (failing an exam, a bad boss, a jealous friend, arguing with her dad, etc), and you might just end up becoming one of those people she confides in.

34. Smile mysteriously when you see her. She'll be intrigued to find out what you are grinning at and of course, you'll take your time telling her.

35. Suggest that she comes over so that you can revise together for your next history test. It' would not be the first time that hot romance blossomed over these finer details of the French Revolution!

36. Surround yourself with cooperative female chums. She’ll want to find out how come you've got so many 'admirers' and what it is they're attracted to.

37. Suss out her favorite chocolate, wrap one up and send it to her everyday for a week. She'll be so flattered she just won't be able to resist you.

38. Tease her: call her Helen of Troy and laugh at her silly walk. But be careful not to hurt that handle-with-extra care female ego!

39. Tell her jokingly that sleeping is your absolute favorite past time. She will probably be thrilled to discover that you have so much in common. Oops!

40. Tell her she looks just like someone familiar. Now what's her name? It's on the tip of your tongue. It's... it's... why yes; she does look spookily like??!

41. Tell her you're doing a survey, and 'interview' her with regard to her snogging and dating habits. Probe deeply, look dubious, and then tell her you may have to put some of her claims to the test!

42. Tell her you're feeling, a bit down cause you've got a crush on someone who doesn’t seem to be interested. She might just get the hint that it's her.

43. Throw a surprise party on her name and invite her and all her chums. Then play the perfect host and make a gooood impression.

44. When you're talking to her pause in mid-sentence to comment on the length of her eyelashes or the colour of her eyes in a gosh-I'd-never-noticed-before way, then go back to your conversation. Sheer bewitchment!

45. Women are vain creatures, so pay her a compliment or three but don’t go overboard.

All the Best! Amigos..

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Thursday, August 13, 2009

Survival Of The Richest


I generally try not to focus too heavily on the business side of my vocation but you’ll agree that all vocations are ultimately about how much money we make (and whether we like it our not), have a significant impact on our lives. My vocation which incidentally is a rather fascinating blend of the creative industry with technology, marketing, publishing, social media, internet and old style consulting all mixed in - has been going through a untamed joyride for the last several weeks and months.

For the last one year or rather specifically, the last 6 months; I have been witness to the some of the most momentous changes in my personal and professional surroundings, both in my immediate circle and my extended entourage caused by the global recession and the consequent financial meltdown. Many friends I know have lost their jobs, some have been downsized or forced to take pay cuts. Worse is the case of a few schoolmates of mine who have lost their mortgaged homes and seen their savings wiped-out.

Many of our competitors have shut shop. Fortunately or perhaps, my good karma, we are still very much in business. And unlike other companies, we are fairly busy with sufficient orders that will last the next couple of months but things are still not what they seem.

Big transnational clients who used to pay us on time default these days at an alarming consistency, cheques bounce infrequently or we get requests to delay their deposits. One of our client, a large publishing house which has shut down owes us several thousand dollars while an other of a similar stature has gone bankrupt virtually guaranteeing no payment for the foreseeable future. Comparatively smaller customers and SME’s are on better league but want contracts to be reworked and rates reduced or politely tell us to look elsewhere. The only saving grace being a handful of old clients with solid fundamentals who seem to weather this storm and new contracts from agile start-ups who signed up with us in the recent weeks.

I have been to several business transformation seminars, especially the expensive ones at posh hotels where business gurus in fancy suits promise utopian formulae’s to cut costs and create profits; where celebrated business consultants and management experts talk about Darwinian “Survival of the fittest” - that all companies should “innovate”, cut “costs”, think “outside the box” and hire “the best talent” if they wish to weather this global crash.

What they conveniently ignore and sidestep is the fact that every god damn thing they talk about requires MONEY. For example, it’s impracticable for any company to retain its best talent that would lead the innovations when you have to thrive in a cutthroat atmosphere where it is critical to preserve liquid cash and cut costs. Bright employees deserve and demand more and if a company can’t fulfill their wants and needs, they would inevitably leave. No matter what many wish to believe, this recession want go away soon. It will accelerate the demise of all companies short on cash as credit is a now an expensive and rare commodity these days.

I can vindicate my argument. I personally know at least three companies including a loss making competitor who seem to be completely unscathed by the slump as they are well-funded and moneyed with cash. A former colleague - David works there. I recently met David who is now a Senior VP, and in all frankness, he admitted he was blessed enough to work there. Even though his company was unprofitable, he said their investors were still quite confident on a turnaround and were also willing to pump in more money if it warrants. Lucky them!

I was genuinely impressed by David’s candor. You don’t find many ex-colleagues who speak the truth especially when you are the competition. So without further ado, how should a company survive? Maybe, get fluky and win a lottery or go hunting for a loaded investor who can bail you out. You could then perhaps, write “Survival of the Richest”!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Beautiful European Pop Music to Download



Websnacker's Euro Hits Music Sampler

Lately, I have been receiving a lot of flak from readers of my former music blog. Many seem to be convinced I have completely deserted my music credentials, some caustically ask if I have chickened out (like so many other music bloggers across the web arena) while some (and i.e. a very few), plead me to restart my music uploads/reviews. I wouldn’t blame any of them cos they are all (to a degree) absolutely right. And besides, they had been solely responsible for giving my earlier blog the extraordinary popularity it received but probably did not deserve so, I give them all the freedom to complain. Anyway, before I begin this post, for all my readers, an immense thank you.

When you are young, you seem to have all the time in the world but as you age, grow older, time flies and soon, it’s never enough. I guess I have reached that period - one reason why I really don’t have the time to pursue my musical interests anymore in full speed. Nonetheless, like I always like to justify, old habits don’t just die hard, they actually never die. So, my dear friends, I will make an effort to kick start those MP3 genre samplers again and keep up the tempo alive.

And to begin this August month, I present you a MP3 sampler from my collection of beautiful non-English Pop hits from the world over but focused more on European pop music, mostly French/Italian Pop and French Pop Rock (though I have also added a sprinkling of other genres as well).

Here goes the sampler description. You’ll worship the first track – ‘Dragostea din tei’ also known as ‘Numa Numa’ - the super successful single by the Moldovan pop group O-Zone. This track was so popular that it rose to the No.1 rank on the Euro chart Hot 100 and solidly remained for 3 months straight in mid 2004. It also reached the number 1 spot in the German and French Radio charts, number 3 in the UK and a respectable 72 on the U.S. Pop 100.

‘Moi... Lolita’ sung by Alizée – a French singer is a popular track, which released as her first single from her debut album Gourmandises in 2001. France-born R&B singer Nâdiya follows with her best-selling single ‘Parle-moi’ which entered the French singles chart at number 79, moving all the way to number 2 in the next week and remaining in the French top ten for 9 weeks. Grand Popo Football Club soon join in. This is a French electronic music group comprising primarily of Ariel Wizman and Nicolas Errèra. Together, this electronic duo create superb Gallic pop that seems to equally admire and berate the music of senior peers like Daft Punk and Air identical measure.

And if you love Enigma, you’ll like Achillea’s ‘Amor Parte II’ as Achillea is the world music influenced musical creation of Jens Gad, the co-producer for the musical project, Enigma. You’ll also find the Italian compositions featuring Mina + Adriano Celentano and the Australian singer Tina Arena quite lovely.

Jean-Jacques Goldman’s ‘Sache Que Je’ needs special mention as he is or at least was the second-highest-grossing French pop singer, after Johnny Hallyday. Mylène Farmer, one of the most successful recording artists of all time in France with sales in excess of more than 45 million records is also worthy of a mention as she brilliantly compliments with Indochine, the French new wave/rock band in the duet rockish track – ‘Le Grand Secret’.

From Latin America, I have added Pato Fu, the Brazilian pop rock band plus the multiple Latin Grammy award winner Colombian rock musician Juanes’ double act with Nelly Furtado on ‘Fotografía’ which re-introduced Furtado to the Latin American market and paved the way for Furtado's eventual stardom.

You’ll also find other great acts like the Italian indie pop band - Baustelle, the French singer De Palmas, Michele Zarrillo and A Europa. As a bonus, I have also added a European sounding English track ‘Doot Doot’ by Freur, one of my personal favorites which you may have possibly heard on the Tom Cruise starrer “Vanilla Sky” soundtrack. Incidentally this was the only hit single of the band before they disbanded to eventually form the popular electronica band - Underworld.

These songs may not be in English but they are all great tracks that you'll love to hear. Try them out!

Free MP3 Download - Megaupload - 16 Free MP3s - 82.7 MB - http://su.pr/2jBrZQ

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Martyrs (2008)

A Must See Awesome Euro Horror Flick

Disappointed with Hollywood's recent dose of silly horror, then watch this superlative French frightmare that defies all standards of cinematic Horror. With movies like High Tension and Inside, European horror or rather specifically French Horror cinema has been pushing the boundaries for some time now but Martyrs is a step away from the ordinary, actually several degrees beyond. In fact, Martyrs rewrites what constitutes genuine Horror.

Well, I could write pages and pages on the deeper connections it implies and rationally explain the intentionally ambiguous plot but then, I would be spoiling your fun and the numerous hidden surprises this movie beholds. Keep in mind though, this movie is unrelentlessly violent, gory, hurting you at its extreme so be prepared. Nonetheless, take my advice and watch it from start to finish in one go. Even if you don't end up liking it like the countless fans on IMDB, you'll still thank me for the advice, its a must see.

Note: View online through the StageVu weblink below or use a download manager like Orbit to download the movie and watch it later at your convenience. DIVX Online Web Player needs to be installed in your PC if you want to see the movie online. Eng Subtitles hardcoded. Enjoy!

Free Streaming/Download VeeHD or StageVu Video weblinks

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Friday, July 24, 2009

Bye Bye Valentine


9 Clever Ideas to Dump Your Girlfriend!

That electric chemistry that used to prompt armloads of chocolates & red roses and sweet nothings over candlelit dinners has evaporated from your current relationship. These days you buy wilted flowers when her hints for floral tributes become too trying and dinner is a cheap KFC take-away. You can’t take it anymore so time to bail out, buddy, before she draws blood.

These 9 ideas might not win appreciation but, hey, why care about it? You'll be free-even if you're forced to move to another town to enjoy and flaunt your born again Single status.

1. Mr. Family Guy
Wear through the knees of your trousers imploring her to make an honest man of you and she'll be forced to do some serious thinking. At this point she will metamorphose into her mother, adding up your future prospects on her inbuilt computer, and you're bound to fall short of the mark. You're male, after all.

Dump Rate: Pretty good. Just make sure she's not one of the sentimental throwbacks to before the female revolution whose only mission in life is to find the perfect idiot to look after her and pay the bills while she raises 2,3 offsprings and lies about in fluffy, bunny-eared slippers comparing notes with the next-door neighbour about what heels they're hitched to.

How you'll appear: Old-fashioned but well-intentioned.

2. Separate Vacations
Announce suddenly that you need breathing space and you've booked yourself a one week break in a sun-kissed pleasure spot at Thailand. Before you go, leave glossy brochures of gorgeous, scantily-clad or possibly nude sunbathers lying around in obvious places that you intend to visit, ditto articles on sex tourism clipped from magazines that she could see. Arrange for someone to mail you a series of postcards reading "I miss you, Darling", “Thanks for the unforgettable sexperience" and "When are you coming back?" and signed with cryptic initials or, better still, a red lipstick kiss. Do the kiss yourself if you have to - it's in a noble cause.

Dump Rate: First-class. The resulting suspicion will allow you to take the high moral ground - ("What! Me? How could you even think about me like this?") and you’ll get to enjoy a holiday in sunny climes. Who knows, if your luck holds, you might not even have to fake those postcards.

How you'll appear: Not great. In fact you'll look like the calculating SOB you really are.

3. Shared Vacations
As a separation strategy, this one's near perfection. What could be easier - or more fun? Spend your time lasciviously ogling at all the female flesh on display - except hers. Gulp as much alcohol as you can, carp at everything about the culture and practices of the locals and don't wash or shave for the entire duration of the holiday.

Dump Rate: Excellent. Fights about which sightseeing trips to go on and your drunken lechery should lead to an irreconcilable split in double-quick time. Just make sure you keep your own passport and air ticket - there's nothing quite as venomous as a woman scorned and you don't want to be celebrating singledom in a foreign jail, fending off advances from hairy-chested fellow inmates.

How you'll appear: A right stinker, in more ways than one. Then again, there won't be much to distinguish you from all the other drunken, loutish holidaymakers.

4. The New Age Guru
There's just one thing more horrible than a sinner - a saint so hire a hermit and start a "Om Shanti” club for fellow would-be New Agers. Speak in an identical, muffled monotone and smile all the time. No self-respecting woman wants a guy with a permanent halo around his head, so try: marking up your talks with "hari om" and "hare krishna" and carry a rosary always. Stare into her eyes as though you are Tom Hanks and you have found the Holy Grail. Wear batik-print saffron shirts and sarongs with no footwear and swear off all earthly pleasures - that means no ciggies, no booze, no sex and no meat - but almonds, oats and fruits, old man. You're about to become celibate and discover 100 unspeakable things to do with lentils and tofu. Repeat the mantra "It's all for a higher cause".

Dump Rate: Great. No woman with shaved armpits and an ounce of ambition will put up with a sweaty, sexless, lentil-guzzling moron with no personality for longer than it takes her to ring for a taxi.

How you'll appear: Nauseating. Try "crazy" "outsider," "oddball" oh, and "disliked". You're going to lose more than just your girlfriend you've outgrown with this tactic. Perhaps you could apply for a job packing apples in Bhutan.

5. The Dirty Slob
This is another fun one. Just do lots more of all the anti-social things she's tried in vain to cure you of - get drunk, pick up fights and throw up on people's shoes, pick your nose in public and belch and pass wind thunderously. Oh, and stop using your antidandruff "Head & Shoulders" shampoo.

Dump Rate: Explosive. No one, not even a Man can put up with this for long.

How you'll appear: Pretty much like the average male, but you might have difficulty finding another girlfriend when word gets out about your muesli-flake dandruff problem.

6. The SMS Dump
Forget long and tortuous severance by telephone. Just sms her a concisely worded electronic memo. Try: "You're history" or "Don't call me and I won't call you. PS: please return the engagement ring by courier, I might need it."

Dump Rate: Couldn't be better. You’ll avoid tedious verbal harangues and bodily harm (yours), and freedom is just a send button away. The ring might prove a bit tricky, but then you've got to be philosophical and offset it against the gold watch she gave you for your birthday besides all the money you'll save on takeaways, chocolates and flowers.

How you'll appear: Pretty darned bad. Downright cowardly, in fact but who's complaining?

7. A Friend In Deed
This one's a bit tricky to set up, but it pays dividends. First, you need a good buddy-maybe the one who's resented the fact that she keeps you away from cricket matches and booze-ups with the boys. Get him to plant seeds of doubt in her mind about your fidelity. A couple of lipstick marks on your collar would be handy, so nick her lipstick again. It'll be the last time you’ll have to endure the torture, promise.

Dump Rate: Er. Average. She might defend you reputation tooth and claw, or, worse still, run off with your buddy. You'd really miss him.

How you'll appear: A fool if she chooses the latter option. On the upside, maybe his ex-girlfriend, one with the triple D assets, will offer them to you to cry on.

8. Vanishing Act
Leave. Disappear. That's it. Pack your bag and your DVD collection when she's at work and vamoose without trace, leaving a scummy ring around the bathtub, a bit of used toothpaste on the washbasin and if you care, “Sorry, forget me, its over” on a Post-it note.

Dump Rate: Watertight. Let's just hope she notices you've left.

How you’ll appear: You won't. You've vanished, you see!

9. Get Caught Red-Handed
Buy a jumbo pack of vibrating and flavored condoms and leave them in the pockets of your jeans, the room cabinet, the car's cubby hole, as bookmarks in the erotic thriller you're reading. Stay out all night and phone with a really weak excuse, preferably from inside a porn theatre so that she can hear the ums and moans. Start claiming exhaustion when she wants you to do it. And smell of a popular women’s perfume other than the one she uses.

Dump Rate: 100-percent. And you get to have lots of dirty fun while you're waiting to get caught.

How you'll appear: Bad. But lots of women like a bad boy, and most of your mates will speculate that there must have been something wrong with her if you had to look elsewhere.

This Blogpost has been Selected For Blog Adda's 'Tangy Tuesdays'.

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Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Evolution of Online

It was once a universal truth that online advertising plays poor relative to the creative nobility of the advertising & marketing agency world. In creative terms, online is considered perhaps less a poor cousin and more dwarfish stepbrother with one eye blind, hearing impaired and a speech impediment. For this reason, the Internet was once viewed solely as a place for direct response campaigns, and certainly not to be trusted with building a brand or driving awareness.

But the ugly duckling is slowly becoming the swan as it moves out of its infancy, and starts having cool haircuts and trying to find a girlfriend. With this, the online creative scene is finally embracing the power, vigour and sexual allure that relative youth can bring, while its daddy reaches for the vitamin pill and looses all sense of rhythm. But what’s behind this blossoming of online? Now that it’s come of age, what is the proper pursuit for a medium that for so long could but crawl, dribble and manage a few simple words like “click here”?

It all comes down to people. The people doing it, the people paying for it and the people consuming it. The people doing it are better.

There was a time when online ads were largely produced by designers who, despite being good designers, were not ‘creatives’ schooled in conceptual thinking. “Knocking out” a few banners as an afterthought, based on whatever design concept they’d used in the header of a client’s website lead to ads devoid of an idea and unable to communicate a proposition to an audience. As creatives replace designers in digital agencies, this problem fades.

The slow down in the advertising market as a whole has benefited digital agencies. Good planners, account people and creatives have begun to consider online as a career option - with the industry growing, a future online looks more secure than in traditional agency roles. The more good people, the better the level of work, which in turn attracts bright graduates to the industry. It’s still the case that most creatives looking for their first job favour big ad agencies, but the reality of life in a traditional shop is often frustrating for creative free spirits. Top accounts being bagged by senior teams and internal competition gives rise to a viper pit atmosphere. Within the online space, there’s room for bright young teams to work on edgy ideas for major brands from the off – and with the relatively fast turnaround on digital projects, they aren’t stuck servicing the same account day in day out. All this makes for a creative vitality producing better and better ideas on the Internet.

The people buying it understand and appreciate it
Agencies can’t take all the credit. The increasingly savvy marketing manager is embracing online as never before and there is something of a “viral” effect taking place as web-literate decision-makers move jobs, helping grow online budgets in companies that once overlooked digital entirely. And with the legendary measurability of online including SEO and SEM, the talented marketer has the tools to persuade boards to release cash.

But it’s always been measurable. What’s changed is that strong brand building creative ideas capable of motivating customers are offering brands the ability to gain unprecedented consumer insights. It’s no exaggeration to say this is transforming the way brands market themselves - FMCG companies now have tangible relationships with the customer unmediated by the big multiples. This is nothing short of revolutionary and is slowly beginning to release the kind of budgets that provide scope for bigger ideas.

The people buying it have the money for it
Marketplace factors that have threatened traditional agencies are benefiting the upstarts. Audience fragmentation on TV, longer working hours and the break down of traditional demographic groups all benefit a highly targeted medium like the net. So while budgets have gone down in the last one year, the proportion of spend online has gone up 50% year on year since 2004. Meanwhile, increasingly brand literate consumers are demanding new things from their communications.

The people consuming it are responding positively
With broadband users accounting for many home Internet connections, an assured good experience means that consumers are spending more time online in greater and greater numbers. The internet now accounts for approximately 10% of all media and news consumption3 and within certain demographics, the Internet is almost the only place to guarantee a satisfactory ROI – the average 21-34 year old spends over 28 hours a month on the web. The more time consumers spend online, and the more money they have with them, the more online as a branding medium becomes relevant. As we know from the offline world, it’s a great deal easier to inspire loyalty and sell premium priced products to consumers who engage with the brand.

From passive to interactive real-time communication
Online excels at engagement - interrupting someone with a 60 second TV ad, does not compare to the possible “time with brand” achievable online. The best online campaigns can capture attention by interruption with a 10-20 second ad and keep that attention with entertaining and informative content on a brand site. The end point of this chain of engagement could be a data-capture opportunity or a purchase, but the motivating factor for the customer is entertainment and information. If the creative standards are high enough en route, the customer may spend up to 15 minutes with your brand before going back to what they were doing.

Using time efficiently with brand
With an entertaining brand experience a good digital agency can keep a consumer engaged. But the key to understanding the potential for brands online lies in what a business can do with that opportunity. Until the Internet arrived, brand communication, driven by TV ads was characterised by the passive consumer receiving messages. It was a one-way process and the advertiser had little genuine insight into response. In order to combine brand experience with consumer insight, DM was brought into the mix. The draw back with Direct marketing is that high creative standards tend to be prohibitively costly for all but the highest ticket purchases (cars, etc). Now that the Internet can deliver on the creative impact and audience reach necessary for brand advertising, its unique strength comes into play. The web combines the reach of TV with the targeting and consumer insight of traditional DM.

In order to benefit from this powerful combination, businesses must embrace a communications process that recognises the importance of a seamless, entertaining journey from ad to transaction. It’s not sufficient to rely on highly creative advertising that simply sells “off the page”. Effective digital strategies require a combination of creative ads with engaging websites, insightful information architecture and business processes geared up to receive and understand the information customers are prepared to give as they interact. Done correctly, joined up branding becomes a virtuous circle where valuable consumer insights are gathered at each part of the customer journey and are fed back into the creative process to develop a more and more engaging brand experience.

The future & beyond
Those businesses that embrace the power of the Internet as a branding medium now will make considerable gains in the future. Higher speed broadband (2MB speeds and upwards will be the norm) will enable companies to deliver richer content and in so doing they will be able to harness consumer interaction more easily. As web use becomes ever more convenient, consumers will continue to spend more time online and will look for brand propositions that deliver entertainment, service and convenience. Brands that understand the importance of a consistent two-way relationship and have the crucial business processes in place, will benefit from a trading environment that brings them as close to their customers as a medieval merchant once was.

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