Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Killer (2012)

JohnnyTwoToes cant stand this ridiculous vampire spin of American History

I hope this does not seem like I am bragging but I have seen a lot of films in my 44 years on God's planet. Some great, some good and some, well shall we say, not so good but Abraham Lincoln Vampire Killer (2012) has to be one of the silliest, baddest, most ridiculous, most outrageous films I have ever seen. 

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Killer tells the story from Abe (Benjamin Walker) as a boy who watches his mother getting devoured by vampires so he yearns for revenge no matter how long it takes. Years later Abe as a young adult is trained in the ways of vampire hunting by Henry Sturges (Dominic Cooper) and the weapon of choice - a big ass axe! No crosses, Holy Water or any of that nonsense  No, Honest Abe carries an axe. He is so handy with it he can take out an entire tree with one swing. Not a simple little piddly ass tree. No, but a big mammoth sized Oak tree. It gets worse, too. 

In his travels to banish and kill all vampires from the face of the earth, he manages to find the culprit who killed his mother and also the main leader of the vampire clan - Adam (Rufus Sewell)  a racist Southerner who intends to change the great United States into a country of the living dead! The rest of the film is about as odd as this. While Abe is killing vampires, he begins to get the vibe from the local girl, Mary (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). Oh and lest we forget he begins to get into politics as he heads for the Presidency. Yeah! a vampire hunting President!

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Killer is preposterous from start to finish. Russian director  Timur Bekmambetov directed two much better vampire films Night Watch (2004) and Day Watch (2006) that were blockbusters in his home country. They also helped him earn a entry in Hollywood with the high octane actioner Wanted (2008) starring Angelina Jolie, James McAvoy, and Morgan Freeman. In those two films and also in Wanted, there was the urgent sense of comic book energy and it worked to a point. In this movie though,  is just bad film making, and Seth Grahame-Smith's screenplay based on his own novel (yes, the only literature this film is based on is this guy's own book), is lacking in any humor or intelligence at all and this strange brew of action, fantasy, history and horror ends up leaving you irritated. And the fact, it was co-produced by the talented Tim Burton adds the agony.

Lets just say that Abraham Lincoln Vampire Killer is stupid and ludicrous. The cast does the best they can but in the end, you get the feeling even they knew what a dumb dog and pony show this was. It can be true to say that Hollywood will make a movie out of ANYTHING. Let us hope Bekmambetov does not screw up the forthcoming sequel to Wanted which he is supposed to direct too. Abraham Lincoln Vampire Killer- *1/2 out of 4.


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