Saturday, January 5, 2013

Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

JohnnyTwoToes cant stand this boring 5th installment nor will you!

Resident Evil: Retribution is the second to last film of the video game inspired Resident Evil  series before they start remaking THESE films (see my earlier review for Total Recall (2012) as a reference). 

Maybe they can do a better job, as these films never were very good in the first place but sadly, they have become progressively worse with each sequel. I say "second to last film of this series" because the film's star Milla Jovovich has said she would do maybe 2 more films. This is the first of her two. Like a prison sentence only WE actually are doing the time watching this crap.

Like its predecessors, the film opens with Alice (Jovovich) explaining, yet again, why and what has happened. As if the viewers are comatose and have no idea what they are watching or never played the damn game the films are based on. Still, we sit and listen to Alice drone on with all of the flashy visuals telling us about the T-virus; blah, blah & blah, blah, blah. 

I actually liked the first film of this series - it  was a trendsetter in the sci-fi zombie genre but the sequels have gone absolutely nowhere and the fifth film Resident Evil: Retribution is like flogging a dead horse. There are some interesting creature effects, impressive action sequences and the scores by various composers from Marilyn Manson to Tomandandy have been standout achievements. The writing, however has sunk like a stone to the bottom of Stupid Lake. 

This time, we have Alice waking up in the middle of room clad in only a towel and grilled for information by Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory) who now works for the evil Umbrella Corporation. After, Alice is let loose clothed in a rather nice leather outfit fitted with some cool weapons, she is forced to battle her way out of Umbrella underwater base in the arctic circle. The only problem is she is forced to get out via some kind of bio-war research dome that has places from around the world as possible nests of the undead. As she conquers one location, say The Kremlin, then New York City's Times Square pops up next, and so on. 

If my explanation is maddening, imagine just watching it for yourself. It was like watching someone play a video game that never lets you play. In spite of the presence of Michelle Rodriguez and Sienna Guillory, the script, acting and direction are as lame as the plot sounds with only Jovovich to do the heavy lifting to try and carry it to the finish. 

This edition was written and directed by Paul W.S. Anderson who also directed Resident Evil 1, 4 and now 5. He is the same man who also brought us Alien Vs. Predator and the latest un-needed remake of The Three MusketeersHe is in the tank for number 6 coming up so get ready and hope sequel 6 is better. Keep your fingers crossed just don't hold your breath. A far this edition, skip it! Resident Evil: Retribution-* out of 4.


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