Hunting Treasures on the Internet Highway

Finding love in the cyber universe and other little things 

Last night, I watched the 1998 hit “You’ve Got Mail” starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks on the telly. Directed by Nora Ephron, it’s a bittersweet romantic comedy about two harried souls, who aren't aware of the fact that they already know each other on the earthly plane of the real world, but find each other in an online chat room under anonymous screen names and slowly develop a robust relationship. 

If you haven’t seen this movie yet, I won’t spoil it any more of what happens next. It’s ironic though that this sugary story of computer love that transcends into real life still resonates with relevance, even in 2019. After all, all they do is predominantly chat throughout the movie. And despite being bitter enemies in the physical world, they proceed to virtually fall in love. You might think, how? With what and with whom are they falling in love? Thoughts? Passions? Humor? Fantasies? Hope? Or the person itself? 

Like old-fashioned love letters, you’ll have to admit; an incredible thing happens when two people simply correspond in writing. The brain feels liberated, unhindered by the bodies automatic social responses that occur when people communicate face to face. There’s nothing to worry about - how you look, how your voice sounds, whether you are black or white, what gods you follow; there are no judgments and if all goes well, no inhibitions later. There is just the mind working to be understood in a pure realm of trust and communication and opening up to a receptive soul. And soon it becomes much more than just an anonymous chat. 

In the real world, when we meet someone very attractive, we are pulled to them instantly. When the physical attraction is strong, it simply overpowers and takes priority over everything else. Then, it soon fades into oblivion. Lust over reason so to speak, confused for love rather than listening, understanding and accepting. But in the virtual space, you may not fully understand the other person chatting with you but you do have to listen. And vice versa. And by actually listening, you open up to a lot of understanding and that is the wonderful beauty of this exercise.

Of course, in these days of online perverts, sly scammers and dangerous stalkers, you’ll have to be very careful who you are interacting with. And many would tell you that people lie in the online worlds. I have had to endure the concerns of those who believe I'm out of my mind or simply that they are more cautious than me. "They could be lying about who they are!" I've been told. As if to say people you meet in person never lie about who they are? Oh, here's another one, "Anyone who has to put a personal profile on the Internet must be a real loser" or “simply wants to just get laid tonight”. 

Would you call someone who can type at least 100 words a minute, has the intelligence and literal eloquence to communicate his or her innermost thoughts and feelings, and has the self-confidence, focus, and motivation to actually do it - a loser? And why go through this elaborate ritual for sex when sex is now so readily available, free and cheap. 

Well, meeting someone in the flesh can be far more deceptive and dangerous these days than getting to know someone from afar. We humans are slaves to our senses first and to our hearts second. Remove all of the armour and the sensual desires and we are left with consciousness and communication in their purest forms. 

Thus, I highly recommend the Internet for your next romantic interlude. Of course it helps to know what you are looking for ahead of time. The most important thing when looking for your soul mate is to know exactly who you are. If possible, I suggest you sit down and make a list of everything you know to be true about yourself - down to the last detail, positive and negative and everything in between. Be completely honest. Then write down every detail about the person of your dreams, but that doesn’t mean you ponder up the Dead Pool or the Wonder Woman. 

There have been periods in my life where I have thought hard about the perfect woman I wanted in my life - if at all that was possible. I had a mental image of her down to the last detail - her face, her work, her body, her personality - everything. Obviously, the conventional methods of meeting a woman held no water with me. Did I really believe that the woman of my dreams could be living in the same city I was in or somewhere far off, 1000s of miles away? 

And my online profile too had to stand out. I want the woman to think that here is a man astute enough to know that his profile is just casual enough to make him not appear needy, and just alluring enough to attract a smart woman who knows the difference, or that he is just being honest. Either way I couldn't lose, could I? I’ll be truthful, all completely legitimate notions there trying to attract the best mate possible. 

If you cross this stage, understand that the person of your dreams may still not be ready for you in your present state, especially if you have plenty of emotional baggage. So you have to be insightful and objective enough to realize that you’ll have to shed the excess kilos, be willing to wait and also find someone who is willing to take their chances with you patiently. Patience is scarce you see. 

Typically, we choose only the people we are ready to be with. Every person in our life that we chose before finding the final “Chosen One” - was there because of either unavoidable circumstances or life wanted to teach you a particular lesson at that time. Our needs and wants change. Sometimes, we want to be drowned in affection so we would choose a needy, insecure soul who would smother us with affection. Then, we may want to go to the opposite extreme, pretending we could be with someone who loved you but let you be like a free bird. 

At any given time, we all have an image in our mind of the features that we consider attractive or desirable in the person we seek. As we grow older and possibly wiser, these requirements turn to virtues and traits we pursue and it goes much more than just looks. It’s as if, we have found a new realization dawning on us. 

On the Internet, deception is possible but unnecessary and obsolete because only we know who we are and what we need. Don't be a crafty jerk. Unlike the anonymity of the "You've Got Mail" era, we now have authentic power, the power to search the cyber cosmos incognito to find what we seek so what’s the point in faking an artificial persona? After all, we are looking for love and companionship, so why fake it. 

In the end, finding someone who loves and appreciates you is no easy task on the internet but remember, you’ll be astounded at how the cyberverse can sometimes throw an irresistible surprise at you, who would blow you off your feet and turn your life upside down. And what can happen next could be an incredible exchange of deep thoughts and crazy ideas; of all your hopes and dismal fears; of incisive messages and risqué gifs; of long emails and anticipated notifications, and of course, of carnal lusts and bodily desires. In essence, an emotional outpouring of the souls between two strangers on opposite ends of the city or far corner of the planet, depending where you find your match. A friend, a lover, a mate, a spouse...only time can tell. 

So, my fellow wanderers, start your engines and drive into the vast internet highway and take your chances. And you just might find the treasure to treasure for the rest of your life. Just dont forget to wear your seatbelt though.