Fu King Chinese Takeaway Stories

Bad food and bad sex go hand in hand!

Eating Chinese take-aways and having casual sex are two things I don't do very often, but after having a Special Chow-Mien the other night I realized the similarities between the two are numerous.  

The desire to indulge in either usually has something to do with alcohol intake and a night in the club. Being "under the influence" somehow heightens certain desires and the senses become slightly blurred. Instant gratification must be had. There are ways around this, but the rational part of our brains has long ceased to function. There's a good chance there is food in the fridge to put something vaguely edible together, and every girl or guy who knows how to scratch that itch should keep the inconspicuous snickers handy for times like these. But no, the juices are flowing, the Chinese take-way/casual sexual encounter must be had, despite those consequences. 

Seconds before consumption, a little voice will speak and you chose to ignore it. That voice will tell you that you still have time to stop, you'll regret it in the morning…. Yes, I am going to talk about the consequences, even though it hurts. Every time I do it I remember why I swore the last time I'd never do it again. So, for my benefit and the benefit of many others, here's some good reasons not to partake of either. Maybe the message will eventually sink in. 

Despite how good it feels at the time, (and you can be sure it feels gooooood!), within half an hour you will start feeling yucky. If you manage to sleep (full stomach/ stomach full, stranger in the bed maybe) you can be guaranteed you will feel so crap in the morning you will want to puke. You will hate yourself and vow to never do it again. You probably will puke, and take several showers. 

Then there's the smell. Chinese food has a way of lingering for hours, as does the latex smell of condoms. Even without condoms, sex has a smell all of it's own, not to mention sticky, sweaty bodies. The only thing to do is open the windows wide and wash everything in disinfectant, mouthwash or soap. 

I'm not completely knocking either sex or Chinese take-aways. What I will do though is suggest quality, rather than quantity. Try a sit-down meal in a restaurant, or a good Indian take-away for variation. The same goes with close encounters. If you never want to see the guy or gal again, a one-night-stand is the way to do it. If you do, I suggest giving him or her a sample of what's to come, lots and lots of snogging, even show him some nifty handwork. Or just put the whole thing down to experience. Pearl P